I already don't want to go. The last time we were there I ended up in tears because he kept going on that it was my responsibility to get DS up, dressed and breakfasted in the morning, and my responsibility to make sure there's someone to put him on and off the taxi, that it was my responsibility to make sure his attendance is at least 95% which is actually below average and most kids only have 2 or 3 days off in a year, that it was my responsibility to go on the courses they provide and my mum wouldn't be allowed to attend as well even though I'm pretty sure if DS' dad was involved he would be allowed to attend, that it was my responsibility to contact him if he phones me, that it was my responisibility to provide him with love, care and stimulation, that it was my responsibility to improve my bond with him, that I shouldn't allow my mum to take over and help as much as she does, that DS doesn't and will never see me as his mum if I don't change etc etc
Yes we do live with my mum and yes my mum does help me out a lot cos I work evenings. She puts him to bed the evenings I work and if DS gets up very early she doesn't wake me straight away because she is up anyway and knows I won't have got in from work until after midnight. I am a deep sleeper and now DS isn't a baby he obviously doesn't cry when he wakes up so I don't hear him. I wanted to put a gate on his bedroom door so he has to call to be let out which would then wake me up, but it would wreck the decorating apparently. So I have asked her to send him in to me as soon as she hears him (she is a light sleeper so wakes up when she hears him go downstairs) This lasts about a week then she just goes back to getting up with him and me getting up a bit later and taking him to school.
But apart from that I don't really know why he's got this terrible impression of me. I always took him to school, and I fetched him 2/3 days out of 4. My mum used to fetch him on 1 or 2 of the days I worked cos she would take him out afterwards.
Yes my mum has been very involved with contacting the LEA and the school. I am quite happy to contact them in writing and by email but I get all flustered on the phone and can't get out what I want to say. I asked for advice on here and everyone said they thought it was OK to get my mum to be spokeswoman and a lot of people had the same problem but got their DH/DP to do the phoning. I actually think email is a better way to contact the head as long as it's not urgent because whenever you ring they are always unavailable, then when they ring back you're not always available. Obviously if there was a message that DS had hurt himself or been ill or they needed to arrange an urgent meeting I wouldn't hesistate to call them, but for not so pressing issues I don't really see the problem.
Yes he was late quite a lot because school started at 12:50 and DS would refuse lunch cos he wasn't hungry. He would then take a long time to eat it. Or he would struggle when I tried to get him dressed cos he was tired and didn't want to go. If he was in a very bad mood or very tired no I wouldn't send him. It was only nursery so I didn't think it really mattered and would rather he was happy. He was also ill a lot and would have days off. Obviously now he's at school if he was tired or in a mood I would make him go cos it's proper school, but he is still ill a lot and I feel like their gonna be watching me like a hawk if he has any time off.
I said I was waiting for a council house to come up, I'm not staying with my mum by choice. Then they were like well do you think you would cope. Would you be able to do all those things we said? Cos you know if we feel DS isn't being looked after properly we are advised to contact people. Basically I'm damned for living at home and having support and damned if I move out cos they think I won't cope.
Sorry that ended up a lot longer than I thought but I was still crying for a good 2 hours after the meeting, it really upset me and I still am upset about it. I tried so hard not to get upset in the meeting only nodding and saying yes or no in fear that if I spoke anymore I would end up crying. He took this lack of input from me that I had no bond with DS and don't really care which is quite the opposite. Then with my ending up crying when he said he could see I was upset it just probably confirmed his thoughts that I was childish and incapable.
I just feel so inadequate :(