Grrr! Headteacher has made me cross!

[Ineed2]

Dd3 had another session with the salt at the beginning of the holiday, she duly wrote her report and sent a copy to me, one to the new paed and one to school. The main content of the report was based around Dd3's lack of emotional language and conversation sharing etc, basically many skills required to maintain friendships. The letter stated that she is being transferred to the salt who is assigned to the school and that she will be going into school to to some work with Dd3 around friendships and emotions, topic maintainance and contributing to topics chosen by others.
So yesterday, the 2nd day back she has a row with another girl and gets sent to the headteacher who is also the senco to be told off.
I am beginning to wonder if the woman is stupid or just trying to wind me up.
I am sooo cross because Dd3 had gone back to school relatively easily and had coped well. But yesterday she came out looking ill and was really p....d off.
I just hope I can get her back in on Monday.
I know I am going to have to go in again but am beginning to dread it.
The salt also put a list of targets for Dd3's IEP on the letter, ha that's a laff Dd3 does not even have an IEP and as far as I know is not even on the special needs register.
Can somebdy give me some ideas for handling this ridiculous situation.
Apart from home ed, which I have considered many times but can't afford to do.

How about asking for a joint meeting with everyone involved in your daughter's education. The headteacher, SALT and class teacher.

Surely you all want the best outcome and so must have some common ground?

It's awful that you are so stressed out and your daughter must also be feeling bad about herself.

A joint meeting sounds good, we did think we were having one in February, the paed asked to meet us at school and we expected the senco/headteacher to be there, only she didn't turn up, she was there because she let us in.
It is diificult because we know she doesn't like outside agencies, but some do come into school. I have tried on numerous occasions to get her to understand where we are coming from about Dd3 but she sees Dd3's difficulties as strengths, ie single mindedness, no inhibitions, prepared to have ago at anything, when infact in reality these things can be obssessive, no stranger awareness and no danger awareness etc.
I cannot bear the thought of moving Dd3 because despite the Heads wierd views around special needs it is a lovely school, its small and it has taken Dd3 a long time to settle.

Anyone else around with some advice ??

I wouldn't assume the HT has even read the letter. So I would start by requesting a meeting and discuss your concerns with some waffle like 'I'm not sure if you had a chance to read the letter but....'

I would ask if she is on the SEN register (becasue she might be without you knowing) and then discuss what you want on her IEP. Bring in draft targets...

Maybe social skills training once a week?

And agree with the HT what she will do in the future when there are problems like this again...

I think she probably has read it she works most of the summer and it arrived half way through the hols, I am so down about school. Dd3 was so much easier in the hols and we have had a really crap day today, she got a red card for persistantly shouting at her sister and although she did calm down she then started on me and it ended with me threatening to take her DS off her. She is saying she doesn't want to go tomorrow.
She did go to bed quite well so we'll see in the morning.
I find it sooo frustrating that the headteacher doesn't take our concerns seriously.
I will request another meeting and try once again to make her understand.

Hi. Has your dd got a dx of anything? How old is she? She doesnt need a dx for your concerns to be taken seriously, only makes it a bit harder for the Head to be so dismissive if she does.
I think, you have 2 options. Request another meeting with the Head and take along the SALT report and discuss it. Also, confirm your dd has an IEP, and if she is on the SEN Register. (Some Primary schools will not give the younger dc IEPs, claiming there is no need, as all the dc are working in grps according to their ability.
If, you come away from the meeting feeling you have not been taken seriously, your second option,(and I would do this), is to write a letter outlining your concerns to the Education Dept, asking for a multi-agency meeting to get the best support in place for your dd. When you write the letter, make sure you cc in the Head, so she knows you are serious. Ask for a written reply and give a timescale-say, 2wks. (Keep a photocopy of all correspondance sent and received-as Starlight always says-keep a paper trail).
The Head cannot stop outside agencies coming to school, if it is deemed they are in the interest of the dc.
You are your dds best advocate, so keep plugging away on her behalf. HTH.

Head who is also SENCo - unless you are at a teeny weeny school, she will either delegate a huge amount (which is fine if done properly) or stuff is going to get missed - I'd agree with IndigoBell, there is a high chance that she won't have seen /read the letter (yet)(ever) unless you wave a copy under her nose. I now hand a copy of all letters to SENCO directly and tell her what is in them. Ditto for teacher. Until proven otherwise I'd assume it was an innocent-ish mistake - no matter how infuriating her behaviour is.

while she can't block other professionals - she can make it alot easier for them to support your child if you have her on-side.

Bigpants [love the name] thanx for the reply, Dd3 has been in the assessment process for around 18 months, we think she probably has aspergers, she has been seen by a community paed and salt, she has problems in some areas of language although is very bright.She has difficulties socially, she has obsessions, time and tracy beaker at the mo, she has problems with transitions and routines, sounds, smells and textures. School think I am just fussy but I have been through this once with Dd1 [21] who was almost dx'ed ADHD when she was 9 and then discharged with no support whatsoever, we are pretty sure she has AS too.
I think you might be right about needing a multi-agency meeting but we are currently waiting to be seen by another paed because ours left and the SALT has refered her to someone else who she thinks will be better.
It's just a joke. I will keep plugging away, I was very young and inexperienced with Dd1 but now have been working with sp needs children and have 3 of my own I know I cant give up.
Madsad. it is a small school and the Head is very controlling she delegates nothing, I know her well enough [10 years] to know that she will have read the letter. but she willl wait for me to go in before she acts on it. I am hoping that the new SALT will go in soon, but I would like to know when she is going.
I can see that if the situation doesn't improve and the Head continues to fail to aknowledge Dd3's difficulties I am either going to lose it with her or just take Dd3 and walk away. The trouble is I did this with Dd1 and it was out of the frying pan into the fire.
Sorry such along post but I am really stressed and feeling sad for Dd3.

Write to the headteacher with your concerns - so much more powerful when in writing.

I agree that it would be a shame to have to move dd if she is settled and learning. Could you approach the school govenors normally one is appointed with a special remit to look after the kids with any SEN

I don't really know what to do to be honest, there are so many things to tackle. Dd3 was a bit happier going today.
She has memorised the new timtable and has music today which she loves, so fingers crossed for a good week and by next week I will have a plan for my next move.
Thankyou all as usual for you great advice and support.