Can I ask how to handle this situation?

[WhereTheWildThingsWere]

I hope this is ok to ask.

There is a group of us who all visit the park after school, last night we were joined by a new mum and her little boy of 6 who has just started a ds's school.

We all sat on the grass and the new little boy came and sat in front of dd who is 2, I was talking to him and dd when he started patting dd on the head, stroking her face and holding her hands, dd is not keen on being touched by people she doesn't know and was getting increasingly annoyed.

I kept asking him to stop and explaining that dd didn't like it. By this point dd was getting up and trying to get away, upon which the little boy pushed her over and sat on her.

She was crying and I was asking him to get off now, when his mum came over and said with a big smile 'oh it's ok, he got learning difficulties' and then went and sat back where she was before and carried on chatting.

I felt really stupid and had no idea what to do, dd was hitting the boy by now, so again I asked him to get off and then just pulled dd out from under him, at this point he started screaming and crying and hitting my legs and his mum shouted 'what on earth did you do that for he was being really good' to which I replied 'no he wasn't he was sitting on my daughter and making her cry', she sighed and said 'did you not hear me say he has learning difficulties, now I'll have to take him home'. Then she left dragging him by the hand.

I took the kids onto the playground and we all just drifted apart and nothing was really said.

I am not really friends with any of these mums tbh I just like letting the kids play with their fiends.

I don't understand what I did wrong and don't feel I was being insensitive, but what should I have done? And what should I do next time.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, I have ummed and ahhed about posting this, but really don't get it.

Sounds like she uses the learning difficulties as a reason to let him do what he likes and that everyone should just be the same. I do know a mum a bit like that everyone is supposed to give in to her dd but she has no consideration for anyone else's dc's. Any child needs boundaries even more so some sn children, she isn't seeing that.
Don't feel bad about what happened you where being a good mum and looking after your dd's feelings, I would have done the same.

I am sorry that your dd was upset.

FWIW, I don't think you did anything wrong - I would have done exactly the same as you. you needed to help your dd, and the other mum was not doing anything about it.

Possibly the only thing you could have done differently, was when your dd as first getting upset, you could have asked his mum to help him stop, as obvioulsy he wasn't listening to you (or couldn't understand you), but I appreciate this might have been difficult, as you didn't know her.

I owuld have been absolutely at a mum who came over, saw my dd was in distress, and then essentially said "oh, it's alright, he means no harm" before ignoring and sitting down again.

whether he meant harm, understood what he was doing, etc is neither here nor there, and if your dd was distressed, then the other mum should have been trying to do something about it (and i speak as someone who has been there many times before, stopping dd1 doing things she shouldn't be doing)

I don't think you were given any choice really but to act, if your Dd was upset you are not just going to stand by and watch, it's a shame his mum wasn't more proactive as she could probably have saved him an upset by stepping in and at least trying to explain to him that his behaviour was not acceptable.

I don't think you did anything wrong either. 1) your DD is significantly younger, 2) she doesn't know this other kid; 3) she was clearly distressed, so I don't think having SN really counts as a reason not to stop this boy's behaviour.
TBH I could imagine my DS trying to do something similar, but I don't think I would be doing my DS any favours if I let him engage in behaviours which are justifiedly distressing to other children.

Agree with all the above posters, his mum should have stepped in immediately to remove him when it was clear he was hurting your dd. The only thing you could have done was perhaps to have asked her to step in, as he wasn't responding to you.

The only thing I can think (in her defence) is that she might not really have seen exactly what was happening. But it doesn't really sound like it, in which case she should have intervened.

You've done nothing wrong. She's using the learning difficulties as an excuse rather than taking the responsibility of teaching him how to behave appropriately in social situations. I always pull my kids up if they're overstepping their boundaries - they both have autism and my 6 year old has a lot of challenging behaviour. It just means I have to work that bit harder with them than I would otherwise - not merely shrug my shoulders and make it someone else's problem.

If you find yourself in that situation again with her allowing her son to act on his impulses unchecked, with the consequence that he ends up upset as other people try to deal with is, how about asking her if she would like to take the opportunity to help him to learn to interact appropriately with the other children so that it doesn't end up in tears and frustration for him.

problem: Big SN kid sitting on small regular kid

plan A: Big SN kid responds to prompt and gets off
plan B: SN mum lifts him off
plan C: regular mum wiggles small regular kid free

You didn't do anything wrong. It is possible that she didn't see what was going on and thinks you're a hyper protective parent who'd like all the SN kids locked away. The very fact you're posting here proves you aren't, so don't worry, you're probably just getting the fallout from some other situations involving her dc.

Poor you, not sure what else you could have done.
I suppose once she said he has learning difficulties you felt on a back foot but with hindsight you should probably told the mother that your DD was only 2 and upset.

I can't see that you did anything wrong, no.
When DS was young, he was a danger to anything alive and most things that weren't and I spent half my life chasing after him, wrestling him away from danger or rugby-tackling him to stop him from killing himself or injuring other people. If he'd made another child cry, I'd have been mortified and done all I could to explain that he has challenging behaviour, but to ensure the child's safety and wellbeing.

she should have moved him,my DD climbed on a mortified teenage boy on the bus today,i hauled her off and apologised.

You did nothing wrong and agree with the other posters. The majority of mums with LD children are hyper sensitive to what the children are doing, and will step in very quickly, but this mum seems to have been a rare exception!

Thank you very much everyone for replying.

I didn't go to the park on Friday as we were off to see some friends.

I will see what happens next time but I feel a bit more confident to deal with it now.

Thanks again.

Having Special Needs doesn't excuse bad behaviour. The mother needed to explain to him in a way that he could understand, that he shouldn't hurt your DD.She also should have apologised.
As others have said, most of us with SN children watch them like hawks and at the first sign of trouble intervene.
Don't think you did anything wrong at all.