AIMS AND OBJECTIVES FOR SPECIALIST SALT Milady's location
(i) Keep parent and child waiting for six months post-dx and have the entire TAC chasing you.
(ii) Start initial meeting by complaining that no confirmation of the appointment was made. Even though the letter given to the parents stated that a response is only needed if the appointment cannot be kept.
(iii) Ignore fact that secretary knew full well parent and child were attending because she greeted them by name at the security gate.
(iv) Start initial meeting by casting aspersions on the specialist developmental paediatrician who diagnosed the child with a dismissive, "so not a consultant then" within first few minutes.
(v) Be consistently patronising.
(vi) Offer no practical help at all.
(vii) Suggest talking to the child 
(viii) Engage child in several activities guaranteed to distress them.
(ix) Dismiss everything parent says.
(x) Enquire about general health and look professionally blank when serious illness / long-term effects after MMR are mentioned.
(xi) The correct response to hearing that an autistic child of three is being weaned naturally is this:
Extra points for implying that parent is keeping him a baby for her own nefarious purposes.
(xii) above all - be kind. Show that you understand how difficult it is to have several people involved and gracefully offer to bow out and not impinge on bonding time by not demanding any appointments involving pesky intervention or targets.
(xiii) Glaze over at any mention of ABA. Distract parent with bubbles if necessary.
Congratulations! Pass Go and collect money for nothing. Do the occasional Power point presentation lifted from Hanen (because the chav classes you work with can't read such a demanding book) and hope that nobody you care about is ever at the mercy of this provision.
Now I feel a bit better. Thanks for reading.