I want to muder my MIL.

[ShadeofViolet]

I just do, she is so bloody infuriating and passive aggressive that I cant stand it.

She believed that DS's Autism will get better with love and cuddles, and makes lots of comments about how I should give him more love.

So she has popped up for her weekly torture session visit. She has been away so I have been spared for 2 weeks.

She has said to DS 'Oh your looking skinny, is Mummy not feeding you again'. 'I bet your looking forward to going back to school, the teachers are so nice to you and that will make a change' and 'Not that dummy again, mummy is trying to keep you a baby isnt she'

I know I should say something, but I just dont have the energy - its been like this for 10 years since I had DS1.

She left after DS2 got upset when she tried to teach him how to play UNO (a present from her holiday) - as apparently if I took the time to sit fown and teach him he would enjoy it. Now DS has the receptive language of an 18 month old, so unlikely . She told him to stop being difficult which made me

I have asked her not to come back next week as I just cant cope with it anymore. She did the whole doe-eyed 'when will I see my precious Grandchildren', and I just told her to speak to her son about it as she wasnt welcome here anymore.

She has already started whinging to DH about it, and he has phoned to say that we will have to talk about it when he gets home. I am going to try and stand my ground as this is increasing the stress on me.

Good for you. She sounds awful. How dare she suggest that your child gets more love from his teachers.

If you are doing away with yours will you take mine while you are at it - she is a bitch like no other hence the reason she hasn't seen her grandchild for three years. The constant undermining and ignoring of DS's needs just got too much for me. I would gladly pay for the job to be done. Lots.

Hope DH understands where you are coming from.

Sheesh - I want to kill your MiL.

I'd let her babysit for a long period of time and let her see how difficult it can be when you get jack all response from them(other than slinging the game at you and shouting). Let her have a dose of it.

Of course you're nice to your son. What a ridiculous notion.

If it any use my mother just thought my ds was naughty but my MiL just thinks the sunshines out of his butt.

I don't think older people realise how rude they can come across at times.

I'm going through the same situation at the moment. I don't have any answers yet!

But I'm right there with you. I hope your DH can be supportive, mine has found it very difficult to see clearly through the emotions of split loyalties.

The thought I'm holding onto at the moment is that all I can control and take responsibility for is myself, and my own actions. You have to be true to yourself.

Stand your ground.

And call her on every single little dig.

"Are you trying to imply that my children are underfed? Do you actually think my children are neglected, MIL? Do you realise I have been recording you and will replay that comment, and every other, you have made, and will play it back to your son as evidence that contact with my children should be reduced?"

My aunty also says I am trying to keep DD a baby.

Last week she said she wishes she "just had a week with DD as she would fix her and get her to sleep through."

DD has severe developmental delay and muscle tone issues

Thanks everyone.

MIL turned on the waterworks to DH and so now I am a horrible person. DH thinks his mum only says these things because she is worried. I know she says them because she thinks I am a bad parent.

I do think that DH believes me as he has seen how she is before. I dont think he understands why I got so upset when she called DS difficult for not playing UNO. I tried to explain that DS cant do a simple puzzle, let alone master a more complex game, but apparently I underestimate DS

Glad I am not the only one with family issues.

Good grief. I've never met her and already want to flick her on the nose.

If she's worried and wants to help, she needs to develop some listening skills and do a bit of reading, instead of making it up as she goes along.

And if cuddles cured autism, my two would be the most NT kids in the world, evah!

Violet Don't restrict MILs visits, but make sure DH is in charge and you have gone out for a little retail therapy! He will then see what a bitch she is, and hopefully get the brunt of it

happy to come round and flick her nose too! what a cow.

I agree you should pull her up on every little comment.

She sounds horrific. And ignorant.

How DARE she imply you don't love your son enough? And then go on to insult him

Why does your DH not see this too?

I agree with Colditz, she needs pulling up on every single comment.

I agree with SayItWithWine - let her babysit while you get some respite. Cow.

God aren't they just the worst! I feel trapped because my MIL does so much to help us (until she got ill) so try to just let it wash over me.

Nowhere near as bad as ur MIL that's for sure, just the constant niggles that irritate me. Her current one is about DS bed. He is outgrowing his cot but nothing immediately wrong. Currently waiting for health board to get in touch to borrow height adjustable bed - mainly due to changing issues (he can't sit up).

We've told her this repeatedly but every time we see her at the moment she asks and tells the story about when he stayed at her house he rely loved the bed she got him (ordinary child bed) and how he never wakes up when she has him.
Yes , you're right wevdeliberately don't give our son a bed and that's why he doesn't sleep. (((sigh)))

Could you chuck her some NAS leaflets and tell her not to come back 'til she's got a better attitude?

Failing that, a copy of this thread...

She sounds in denial. Good luck! I have been there with the in denials - we've tried George and Sam, the Black Balloon, A Real Boy and so on and so forth. If someone wants to avoid tuning into Reality FM they will. Unfortunately they never see that their inability to be realistic puts you in the awful position of being 'the negative one'.

I am always positive about ds1 (he's 11, severely autistic, but can have a great life and does at the moment) - but some people - because of their complete inability to go anywhere near reality - make me feel as if I am the most negative person in the world!

Another vote for babysitting / DS taking on the visits. If you're not there she can't deliberately wind you up. Or of course you could just enrol her with your ds for s basic social skills programme and see who makes faster progress.