Challenging Behaviour at home - who to turn to for help?

[keepyourmouthshutox]

We can't carry on like this. Today, ds (ASD, almost 9):

tipped shampoo, lotions, cleanser etc on his brother's bedroom floor.
prised the remainder of the keys off the laptop.
prised the white bit off 2 piano keys.
poured jugs of water over my bed, duvet and pillow so it is now soaking and so is the carpet around it. (at least he didn't wee on it)
poured only one jug of water over dd's bed.
pulled the and curtain rail off his brother's wall.

Although these behaviours are not new, he has been getting better over the last few weeks. He has been going to various sn playshemes over the hols and I was told he was well behaved. I am wondering if it is because I told him that the schemes have stopped till October or because I told him that school is starting this Thursday. He said 'No' when I told him about school and he was really having a difficult time last year.

Anyway, who can we ask for help? Would Autism Outreach worker be appropriate person to approach?

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you but I would put money on it being a combination of both, firstly that you have told him that something he likes is going to stop so he can go somewhere he doesn't like. My ds is only 4 so no idea how you would tackle it.

I don't know if my approach is the right one, but in our house, we have taken a 'damage limitation' approach.

So no access to areas where liquids are, for a start.

Sorry, was eating dinner so just marked my place above.

What I meant was that DD1 is very challenging (she is only 4.8, though and has motor problems, so we can still get away with stairgates to restrict her), but there are things which are fairly predictable, for her.

We don't allow her in the bathroom without direct supervision, and we have stairgates at the top & bottom of the stairs, kitchen, etc.

Could you get a medicine cabinet to keep shampoos in? Make sure jugs are in a cupboard that he can't get to (lock it if necessary). That sort of thing?

I don't know. I suppose the thing with DD1 is that it is compulsive stuff, so she doesn't really have much control over it, so no point in making it accesssible to her, because it is asking for trouble.

I agree with lougle, my Dd1 was a house wrecker, Dd3 to an extent but I had learnt to keep stuff out of reach. We used locking cupboards, high shelves and stairgates to keep the house safe, Dd1 drew on walls, ripped wallpaper, smeared sudocrem on the carpet [try getting that off, not as bad as poo tho] and many, many other things before I managed to get one step in front of her and disappear all messy substances except in the garden!!
Good luck I feel for you especially the wet bed.
One thing about coming on here, you are never alone!!

The other thing I am learning is to never, ever be complacent about your home set-up. It's amazing how even 1/2 cm of growth can change where DD1 can reach to, etc. We constantly have to review our set-up, because she simply has no sense of danger, or of consequences.

We thought we had security set up ok. A stairgate on the porch door. But her growing 1/2cm was enough to make the laundry basket a stool, and she managed to escape the house. Twice . It really is the Grace of God that we still have her, because we are just 200ft from a very busy main road, which is a throughroute for lorries. Both times, she escaped as my DH was returning from the shops/work, and he caught her before she reached the main road. Both times, I thought she was playing with my laundry.

when ds was younger all doors had locks on we put them on after we came down one morning and he'd got into the back of the cupboard at the age of 3.6, used a chair to climb to reach shelves, opened BRAKE fluid with so called child proof top [was no such thing with ds] and poured it over living room carpet and into vcr we where lucky to not have a fire.

Some great ideas here For example, you can get magnetic curtain tracks, which will just fall off if your DS pulls, then you can put them back up.

That's a brilliant site. Love this:

"Radiators can be boxed in to eliminate the danger of burns and also to limit the amount of noise which can be generated by hitting them

My DS is much younger but I'm getting help from the L.E.A family-support worker. I think she'll go when he's older but how bloody typical. When the child is bigger and stronger you need it more!

Autism Outreach sounds like a good start.

at DD1 Lougle. I meant to say on the other thread that I wish you both all the best for starting school x

Thanks, Milady . When does your little lad start school?

Another year of pre-school, two mornings at MS and two at development group.

Don't know which route to take r.e "real" school just yet.

I read with interest what you said about your daughter, he's also quite high-functioning for his special group but would also be isolated in MS full-time so will have to see.

You have a lot to take on board with the transport and food on top of everything else but it sounds like you made the right choice
Thanks

I think if you have a mix of the two, you will get a feel for what suits him best. I know that in MS preschool, DD1 was just a fish out of water. She was the odd one out, that all the other children babied. In SS she will be on even ground, or even slightly ahead in some areas.

Just make sure that you know what you want before the LA tell you what they want

Oh I know what they want LOL but will do.

Luckily the MS pre-school leader is fantastic, a great friend and will support me through her reports whichever way I want to go. Hopefully that'll ease the troubles ahead.

Haven't read all of this so not sure if its been mentioned, highly recommend you join the Challenging Behaviour Foundation. HTH

My heart goes out to you. I sometimes wonder what my house would look like if ds was NT(indoor plants, ornaments, a bowl of fruit...)
There's lots of good advice here. Things will get better.

I just keep everything locked away and if it's not, it's because ds is never in that room alone (that's the theory anyway. Had to put many notes up for residing and visiting teenagers)

We were advised to try more water play and messy play with yoghurt, jelly, etc "to feed his sensory diet" He loves it but it doesn't stop him causing as much chaos in as short a time as possible whenever he gets the chance. He's a glutton, obviously.
I try to get into the mindset of, well, there's going to be at least three major incidents a day. If there's only two, it's been a good day.

Ds has just been in respite. I take great pleasure in putting a cup of coffee down and leaving it there. Bliss.
What support do you get, in terms of PA's, short breaks, etc?

I know how you feel. We have very similiar issues but with my ds it is more that he seems to enjoy watching things pour out etc. I have really had to go down similar routes to Lougle and others on here. We have hook and eye locks on the tops of the bedroom doors as he went through a phase of taking all bedding off beds and breaking the slats in my wooden blinds! We still have issues with cereal, coffee and juice being poured out if I am not careful enough. I now have to keep the juice in a locked cupboard because I was getting very pissed off with the constant mopping of the kitchen floor.

Thanks for the tips.

tallwivglasses - we get money for respite - 8 hours per month and I suppose that is something.

Davros, will look up the CBF.

Yes, we have had all the above behaviours - ripping of wallpaper, writing on walls, breaking windows (luckily only 2x as I think it was the accident/fascination thing). Toasting a loaf of bread at 3 am and throwing it all over the kitchen floor etc. Will look into locking things up. Last night, because he had no access to liquids - we were keeping a close eye on him - he just peed on the mattress instead.

Lougle, my ds is also babied at ms.

8 hours A MONTH?!

Say you need more.

I know it must seem like you get something so be grateful, we don't get any yet, but do have Homestart for 2 hours per week. But you really must keep on at Social Services.

I'm with lougle, here. We keep a lot of stuff locked away and the kids don't get access to potentially damaging stuff without heavy supervision.