anyone else freaking out about their LO's starting school?

[ByWhoseStandards]

OK, I have done my best to be really calm and grownup (mainly) about ds' struggles, but inside I'm really losing it at the moment. He starts school next week and I can't seem to feel OK about it.

He's only just 4. After a summer of struggle I've had to give up potty-training as it's become obvious that he's not physiologically or psychologically ready for it. He hasn't had a dx (whole other story!)but it is fairly obvious to me that he is hyperlexic with autistic features. He is a lovely little boy but he has a lot of difficulties with transitions and emotional self-regulation - at the moment it's handling frustration and freaking out when he gets hurt. He can read fluently but can't get his own trousers up and down, eat without a big spoon and a bib or drink through a straw. He could tell you the capital of Burkina Faso but not who Ben10 is or what he does. He is constantly slurping and sucking the front of his clothes and he has hyposensitivity in his mouth (at both ends, actually) so he still dribbles.

He has a wonderful imagination but it takes some er...rather eccentric forms sometimes and he also has a very deadpan sense of mischief which can be taken the wrong way...

My biggest worry is that he'll be rejected by the other children - he wants to have friends and talks about friends although he really doesn't know how to play with children yet. I was supposed to be given a visual timetable, have they done one for him? Will he get any of the 1:1 support he needs to participate in what is going on or will he just go off in his own little world? And so on.

I've talked to the school about his problems and am planning on writing some things down for the teacher. I just wish I could stop feeling like I'm abandoning him. We've worked so hard to make home a happy safe place where all his sunnier qualities can flourish and now I've got to hand over...

Anybody else out there who is feeling the same way? All you seasoned school-runners, how did you feel when your LO's went to school for the first time? Please give me some moral support!

How did I feel? bereft mostly. And scared for him.

I felt like I was throwing him into the lion's den.

School is an enivronment you cannot control for your DS and that is so so hard.

Have you got a statement? Is it in the process?

As a teacher myself we get parents stressing about little Freddie can't do this, won't do that etc etc and then are surprised when their kid does and will...

You just never know how it'll go. There will be good days and there might be some bad days.

I will say this though - try and be as calm as you can be - and it'll make it easier for DS.

It's horribly though. I can't say I'm looking forward to doing it again

My DS is starting school on Thursday. He has HFA so we are expecting some fireworks. He also has some rather eccentric tendancies but stil has managed to make some friends - I think children are still quite forgiving at their age (well most are!)
Does your sons school have a buddy bench in the playground?

Have you gone through the statementing process to get him some one to one help?

My dd starts MS school thursday, recent dx ASD, she drools, doesnt speak much sense...babbles and obsesses over the number 4 and blue objects....she 'owns' them. We contacted our local inclusion service through our HV, she did a nursery visit and saw few problems....then did a home visit and saw many! She arranged a meeting with SENCO, new teacher, head of department and us parents. We had no dx and not statmented but school were happy to listen to our concerns. They werent aware of how things affected DD at all, routines, eating, dressing etc. Everything was written down and they made suggestions of a breaktime buddy and a communication diary, so any problems can be noted and I am aware of events at school, we can also warn of poor sleep etc. Its easier than trying to grab a teacher straight after school when DD wants to go home. We were made a photo book to help her recognise her new environment and people....some schools do this for all new children.

Despite all of this im nervous and making friends is an issue, plus a long day for her. Were not abandoning them but putting them in a new environment with lots of children is a big step, Im trying to focus on posatives, her talking will improve, she loves learning, DS gets to go to playgroup with me!...I expect ups and downs. Fingers crossed and good luck to all!!!!!!!

Ok. I know all of you have read some depressing and terribly scary stories on here - but not all schools are like that. It might be almost ok.

So, while I 100% empathise with you, and still worry dreadfully about my children, the sensible thing to do is DONT PANIC :)

Remain calm, keep an eye on things, and keep in good communication with school.

There school days will not be perfect. They will face problems. But so did you, and so do NT kids. It is very, very hard to put it in perspective when your child has SN, but you have (hopefully) chosen to send your kid to school cause you beleive it's a better environment for them than HE - now you have to brave and let them go :)

And I hope all of you have the best of luck.

The thing that helps me the most in life when things are tough is to realise I do have options - and out of all the options I had this is what I've chosen because it is the best I can reasonably do. So in this case you have chosen the school because out of all the options and information you had you thought it would be the best school. If the balance ever changes you can always change your mind....

I'm scared to know the speech unit is ds best chance of being able to talk and it's great unit as I went round them all

But the thought of not being able to take collect my son from school is a very hard one and am struggling with it ds is just 5 he did try ms but was just not working

but thought putting ds in a taxi each morning makes me want to cry then worry if unwell at school will take me ages to get to him as it's 45 mins by car but till pass my test would have go by train and that's 2 hrs or so

mind if headrest does not arrive then he can't go on Monday

Yes, in a word.

It isn't so much the actual lesson time I am concerned about. DD1 is going to a Special School, so I know they will be able to meet her needs in that respect.

It is the day-to-day stuff. Sending her to school in a people-mover, waving her off from home, rather than taking her. Collecting her at my front door rather than her classroom.

The fact that she doesn't eat reliably, and grazes through the day, which she just can't do at school, so I am worried that she won't eat her lunch, then she'll be starving.

I did meet her new SALT this week though, and she was so different to her old SALT. She brought toys, was really positive and so on. She said there is a little boy in the class that she thinks DD1 will take to. She said they'll either be thick as thieves or at war and possibly both throughout the year.

I am anxious about whether I have done the right thing. She does have complex needs, but she'll be one of 3 in her class who are verbal, out of 10.

But I think that Mainstream would have been so difficult for her. She would have stuck out like a sore thumb. She would have needed full 1:1 just to keep her safe, let alone allow her to learn.

On the whole transport to school issue. I was initially very upset about sending off ds at five in taxi / minibus. It turned out to be fine, but I really do understand your anxiety. My younger dd is just starting school after being taught at home with ABA. I am v apprehensive about handing over control to school, but at same time know like Indigobell has said you have to remain calm and know that you've made best choice from all the options available.

Lougle exact same stuff I'm worried about yet silly as when went to meet them teacher was lovely and ds enjoyed it but it's knowing how far he is from me

Think especially as dine the walk to school with other 3 .mind still doing with dd but part of me is sad that won't be taking them both to local school .which is silly as have fought for this placement

Yes, i am sh*ting myself , dd2 starts on thursday, i have not met her 1:1 (not sure if they even have one), she's still not completely dry (only dry at home), she's going to be in a class with children aged 4-7 (3 year groups in one class) and i'm not looking forward to it at all .

Marne will hand hold Thursday dies age go staight in full time or us there a run in?

That's does dd argh iPhone typing

dd starting on half days until x-mas (which will be plenty for her), i'm so convinced that it won't work (dd wont be givin the help she needs) that i'm going to take it a week at a time and i'm prepared to take her out. I still think she should be in a sn school but until i can prove that (by sending her to ms) i'm a bit stuck. She (and the school) may proove me wrong (and i really hope she does) and be fine at MS. I think i will be in tears come thursday when i have to hand her over to the school .

Oh Marne

I have no idea when DD is starting. I should get a phonecall at some point in the first week to arrange a home visit, then she will start at some point after that, and do a variety of half days and full days, which are unspecified, then at some point (again unspecified) before October half-term she will be full time. Transport may or may not start slowly, and again, this is fairly unspecified

yeah we had same problem with Rio and ms even with statement .

Lougle we have same issues over transport atm driver and wife who is escort have flu as do he kids so they not met ds yet and looks like his headrest wont be here in time either

wow I can't say what it means to be able to share with people who are having/have had similar issues.

Have dd here (no time to mn yesterday as both dc's not asleep until v.late) so can't reply properly but will later.

Sympathise re: transport, had to take ds out of his nursery where he had finally settled beautifully because he had outgrown the double buggy and it wasn't physically safe to do the half-hour main road journey with the 2 dc's.

The problem is that I didn't really want him to go to school so early but the system was not explained to me - I was just given a form "if your child has this birthday you have to fill this out" and didn't realise that I was committing him to start this Sept just after his 4th birthday and that I could have left it until next year.

I feel as if everybody goes away during the school holidays when you need the support and preparation and then wham bang you have to hit the ground running on the fateful day.

anyway will be back later, sympathy and support to everyone else with what they and their LO's are going through

xx

My head is getting deeper and deeper into the sand over the 6th . When I think about it I feel panic rising and the only way I feel I can cope is by ignoring it. The head of sensory service came last week and said that his provision is wholey inadequate . That hasn't filled me with great confidence that the 6th will be a happy day for anyone.

DS1 starts on Friday.

They are doing staggered starts from Wednesday. WTF it was thought to be a good idea to make him come in for one fricking day then have 2 days off is beyond me. But that's the luck of the draw.

I know the SENCO has told the class teacher a lot about DS1. And she is also going to keep an eye - my biggest fears are resurgence of the extreme passivity at school/ screaming monster of sadness at home that we had when he started Nursery

Ds goes ft into year 1 . Ge had term at ms school September to Xmas last year which failed

Then moved and was agreed ms not correct but whilst looking found private Sn nursery run my mencap which he went to twice a week while me and lea argued over where was going solved that but no spaces till September and felt moving ds would distress him then move him again come September

plus ds nit 5 till this July so legally could do it

know unit right place but omg Year 1 ge is to little