A question for Lougle...

[vixen1]

Hi Lougle (and any others who might know)

I was reading the posts on another thread on here and saw you mention about your LO having a "true fear/fascination struggle".

Is this something that's common to certain conditions such as Autism?

I just found it really interesting because I've been noticing what can only be described as a fear/fascination struggle in my DS. He keeps asking to watch programmes which scare the hell out of him. He also keeps asking to go to "The Pen" (our time out area which is actually a travel cot). He screams blue murder when he's in there, as if I'm torturing him but he says he wants to stay in there. It's the strangest thing and I've just never come across it before, even amongst SN friends.

He even deliberately does something wrong and then tells me he needs to be sent to the pen, once there he becomes beside himself... it's heartbreaking and I really don't know how to deal with it... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks x

vixen1, I can't answer WRT to Autism, because although I think DD1 has ASD traits, her Paed has special interest in ASD and disagrees

But DD1 definitely does do things deliberately and then tells me that she needs to go on the naughty step, although she won't stay on there. I think that is her trying to understand how the whole process works. She doesn't get the link between her actions and my reactions yet.

I think the pen thing is best dealt with by ignoring him. He is seeking your reaction of taking him to the pen. Next time, just try completely blanking the poor behaviour, and say something bland and non-rewarding. It will likely drive him wild, and he will escalate to get a reaction, but then it will fizzle out (although be warned that DD1 does not fizzle out, but I think she is quite extreme in her stamina for these things).

Oh i didnt see the thread but definitely think there is something to this true fear/fascination thing.

Ds is absolutely petrified of spiders, i mean screaming hysterically and unable to move, if one so much as heads in his direction, let along gets onto his skin. Yet he is obsessed with them, reading about them, looking at pictures, talking about them and even trying to find spiders in the garden.

I think Lougle is onto something when she says "I think that is her trying to understand how the whole process works"

I think that is what ds is trying to do, perhaps the more he knows about them and faces them, the less his anxiety.

Perhaps it works in the same way as being put in the 'pen'. I hope that makes sense!

Interesting connection which I sort of noticed but not given it much thought IYSWIM.

Ds talks about things that had frightened/hur him or his little sister and tries to re-enact them eg. camera strap around little sister's neck, accidental poke in the eye. I think Lougle is right is that ds is trying to make sense and connection with action and reaction.

Thanks everyone, that's all really helpful.

I had wondered about totally blanking the behaviour which leads to him asking to go in the pen, it's nice to have some confirmation that this might be a good thing to try.

I think it also makes sense that he might be trying to understand processes by acting them out. He had confrimed receptive language delay which he has now caught up on but I think he still struggles with a lot of concepts. Drawing pictures for him is really working...

My DS will do stuff and put himself on the naughty step too.

I put it down to him checking my reactions would be consistent.

That said, when he has done stuff wrong (usually throwing stuff) and I tell him off he is beside himself. In fact, his reaction to being told off is worse than the initial impulsive wrong doing. He does recognise tone of voice and facial expressions though ASD kids are supposed to struggle with that. In fact, he's somewhat over sensitive in that area.

I'll never figure that kid out....

(apologies for hijack)