How can I tell if he can't walk or doesn't want to walk

[emkana]

Ds is four and has dwarfism, plus developmental delay and some behavioural issues.

He has never walked more than 200 yards at a time, he will always go in a pushchair or insist to be carried (at over three stone in weight, that is getting quite difficult).

Yet when we are at a softplay centre say, he will run around for a good while, so his legs clearly work . He will, however, then invariably get tired and insist on lots of cuddles.

The problem is how to deal with this. I can't keep carrying him, he's just too heavy for me now, and the pushchair isn't always practical either... but there's no way of making him walk as he gets very very distressed. I just don't know how to handle it!

.

Besides walking, how compliant is he? Do you often have battles of wills, or does he mostly do most of what you want him to do?

Not very compliant, lots of battles of wills!

Well, I guess then it's more likely that this is just another battle of wills and he can walk more than he does.

Not really sure what to suggest, except that if everything is a battle of wills life is going to be very hard for you.

I think I would be looking at the whole picture not just the walking thing and working out what parenting things work and what don't....

A (controversial) book which really helped me was unconditional parenting. Other people use reward and punshiment very successfully (eg stickers and naughty step). A lot of people just pick 3 things to make an issue out of and let everything else be...

Sorry. I don't want to give parenting advice. Just trying to give you different ways to think about the problem.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who knows more than I do. I do not have a reluctant walker, so am not qualified at all to give advice :)

Only last thing. Are you sure that walking doesn't cause him pain?

DS was like this at 4. I refused to carry him full stop (as it was hurting my back), and managed to gradually reduce down the pushchair, still had it with me a lot though. speak to whichever health pro you trust tho to see if there's any physical reason to be more lenient re:pushchair.

No this is what worries me especially as he's not verbally capable enough to say how it feels.

Sorry cross post there. I need to be tougher but it's so hard when it holds his sisters up.

I'm not sure that you do need to be tougher. This is what is hard. You either need to be tougher or more leneint. But how do you know which one?

Emkana
ds2 can also run around, climb etc BUT he has to put much more effort in to it than the average child so does tire easily could your ds be similar & genuinely need the breaks.
DS2's physio says to encourage walking in short bursts rather than over long distance. He has a w/chair now & will hop in and out as he needs the rest. I do get a few odd looks when he suddenly jumps out & runs after his brother BUT he really can't do distance.

My ds is the same age and has asd. He definitely can walk perfectly well but just won't! He also is very defiant and can be impulsive by running off in busy places. I've gone for the sn buggy option. It's one battle too many to be dealing with every day, all day and I just can't manage him and ds2 at the same time if at least one of them isn't in a buggy.
Would he use a scooter or something like that? You can get one with adjustable handles that is easy to carry on back of buggy when ds gets tired...

DS (ASD) does this sometimes, and he is too heavy. I think he actually likes being carried because he likes being held, he presses his cheek against mine when I carry him, it's a sort of cuddle. BUT he is more than half my height and more than a third of my weight now (he's 4 but I'm small), so when I carry him I can't see where I'm going. Two things we do (and I realize they may not work):

1. short bursts. It does involve planning much more time to go from A to B. I sometimes tell him, I'll carry you from that car to that tree, and then you walk from the tree to the shop. But that depends on your DS's receptive language
2. we take a lot of buses, even for one stop. It's London, I have an Oyster card and he travels for free (and loves buses)

Yes ds likes the cuddles,too.

Ah, I just remembered he used to do this thing where he would walk a bit, and then we had to have a 'big hug', and then walk again (it was his Teletubbies phase). If your ds likes the cuddles, it could be something to combine with the short bursts

when I mentioned this at DS one and only comm paed appointment, she got some bloods run to check creatinine and something else, to rule out a physical cause such as muscle weakness.

That's interesting totalchaos.

Really appreciate everybody's thoughts and ideas.