Judgy parent getting to me

[rebl]

I know I shouldn't let this get to me but it is. My ds(4) is deaf and has mild behaviour problems but nothing serious or dx, probably all related to his sensory imparement. This woman has already told me that I'm making a mistake sending him to a MS school and he will be a detriment to the class learning and the school.

Today she really took the biscuit. She told me that she has been observing my ds and really feels that he shouldn't be going to MS school and that why on earth did I think that a child who clearly is functioning at at least 1 year behind his peers would be happy and thrive in a MS school.

I'm tired after a hard day and long night with my ill dd and these comments didn't go down well. Needless to say I just walked away and have been crying ever since. Totally over reacting I know. But he's not 1yr delayed. The professionals describe him as the bottom end of the normal range. Why does this woman have to persist at digging at me about my son? Does she think I have no feelings?

you could also just say "Pardon"? with a look of and force her to repeat herself, that tends to make people a little uncomfortable and to think about what they have said a little more.

Maybe I should say something about her dd. My ds has had a lot of SALT this summer and has closed the gap considerably between him and his peers. I actually think that ds is now speaking better than her dd. Her dd is missing all her t and s's and still has a dummy. Don't forget that they start school in 2 weeks time. I've not once said anything or judged because I don't know why she's choosen to keep the dummy and I also don't know if she's sought SALT and in the long waiting list. But then she doesn't know what ds has in terms of intervention, I've never told her.

DH says pot, kettle, black.

I'm now 2 strong drinks on and feeling a bit better.

You're not over reacting - she sounds awful.

Can you madly think about everything else while sge'd carrying on and perfect saying 'mmm' with a vague smile every time she says something.

For gods sake never tell her which reading level your child is on.

Or lie and say "He's on level eleven, why? I get the impression from the other mums that it's average, so I've not been worried - is it lower, then?"

I like that one colditz .

what an awful woman! i'd say, "it sounds as though you haven't had much experience of deafness or deaf education. the school might be able to help raise your awareness if you have any concerns."

wow, what a cow. I'd be upset too. I'm not sure I'd want either of my children round someone who makes comments like that. I think you have to pull her up on it. The idea that someone with hearing problems in't mainstream is just nuts.

Isn't (whoops)

This awful woman is just a bully. You wouldn't put up with your child being bullied, so don't let yourself be bullied! Tell her straight you don't appreciate any of her comments on Ds. The worse that could happen is your children dont play together. So what - there are other children in the class, and he will make friends. She knows from the past she can walk all over you, and only you are allowing her to do this. Be strong and put her down - then walk away! Don't let her see you upset, people like her make me sick

What is it with people and begrudging attention? It seems to happen a lot. I've no experience of it with ds because he is in special school but dd was asked to leave a swimming class after two sessions because the other parents apparently complained that she was getting too much attention (She was nervous and up until then I'd been proud at how brave she'd been getting straight into the pool when she was told). It was very upsetting so I do know how you feel. I felt sorry for poor dd but also embarrassed and angry that the other parents had ganged up on us, they didn't even know us, how dare they?! (btw I'd signed her up for the beginners class, stupidly assuming all the children would be just starting out but was informed by the teacher that all the others had already done 10 wks, would have been nice to have been told that at the time of booking!)

Starlight "(sorry, I know it is a bit judgemental, but a friend who shows parents around schools says she has never yet met a parent who doesn't enquire as to whether the school will be able to meet the needs of their gifted child)."

Had to laugh at that because I was that parent! However, in my defence, dd (only just 4yo at the time) was left in the care of a class teacher while the headmistress showed dh and I round, and when we came back she'd read a whole book to the teacher who was very impressed. So some of us get proved right LOL!

hello, just wanted to say this woman sounds foul. I teach at a MS secondary school which has quite a large SN department. All staff and students at our school feel this benefits all of us in our learning and outlook on life - compassion, kindness, understanding and patience. I know this probably sounds all wooly and gooey but it is actually an inner city comp in a deprived area but the children are wonderful to each other and SN parents have commented on how lovely it is that their children are supported by all. We have fully inclusive lessons where students who don't bat an eyelid if an incident happens or a child has a TA because thats life, I'm not sure what this woman wants, everyone to get out her daughters way on her perceived path to glory? sorry to have gone on I'm 34 weeks pregnant and hormonal and don't want you to be upset by such a small minded woman.

I whole heartily agree with the comment about getting the woman to repeat what she says, when people are made to say the same thing again and again they change their story...! Make her repeat it... then just say nothing and walk away. I wouldn't entertain any conversation with her...blank her... she'll soon get the message, it's a shame that your children are good friends and while you don't want to jeopardise that you don't want nasty and belittling comments being fed to YOUR children. If she continues when school is under way put it in their hands, if necessary write a letter to the governors, that tactic often works. Good luck with it all, and if all else fails get a little voodoo doll and some pins!!!

Tell her that you might ask for her opinion when she can show you her medical or educational credentials. Meantime, she can stfu.

You might want to fantasise about that last bit, unless you can think of a way of putting it more politely.

rebl,this woman is outrageous,avoid.
Star had a brilliant one word answer-karma