Coming to terms with children's diagnosis

[cansu]

I have two children with autism (aged 9 and 5 years). Whilst I'm really good at all the practical stuff and have fought tribunals and practically every agency out there, I still sometimes get very emotional about their condition. I really should be past this by now, but still find it hard to tell new people about their autism. I still get tearful in private and am starting to wonder if I'm evr going to get a grip on this. Both my children were diagnosed aged 3 so surely I should be a bit more together by now??

Cansu - but it is hard isn't it?

When a loved one dies you never really get over it....

"I think the wisest thing I've ever read on these boards was someone saying that you don't come to terms with a diagnosis, you come to terms with never coming to terms with it."

Definitely agree - I'm not a fan of the Kubler Ross Grief cycle thing though. The idea of acceptance is not realistic when raising an SN child, I think of it more as being reconciled with a challenge I can't get away from

thanks. I think you're right. Maybe you don't ever get over it. I wish I could cope a bit better when people ask me about the children. Now my youngest is just starting at mainstream school lots of the mums are asking me about her. I think it's particularly hard when they ask about the diagnosis because that was such a horrendous time for me.

I tried really hard to keep everything to myself when my son had his diagnosis. I remember receiving the diagnosis in the morning, taking my son back to his childminder and going on to work (in pieces)but keeping it at bay until I walked in the door that evening. This is probably just my way of doing things, but I have probably tended to do this and like you focus myself on the challenge of helping my children. I'm not sure whether missing out on the whole grieving, lying in bed depressed thing was a good or a bad thing. I think people now expect me to cope with whatever crap happens.

I tried really hard to keep everything to myself when my son had his diagnosis. I remember receiving the diagnosis in the morning, taking my son back to his childminder and going on to work (in pieces)but keeping it at bay until I walked in the door that evening. This is probably just my way of doing things, but I have probably tended to do this and like you focus myself on the challenge of helping my children. I'm not sure whether missing out on the whole grieving, lying in bed depressed thing was a good or a bad thing. I think people now expect me to cope with whatever crap happens.

I do avoid telling everyone the autism story as I find it just gets so boring to have to go all through it again - what age? what happened, how do you cope ? I feel I have been there, done it and bought the autism t shirt (not literally!). If other parents are too curious (probably for the wrong reasons) have a set answer of a few words and just stick to it then change the subject !

My son was diagnosed with autism aged 4yrs. It was a huge relief to me that there WAS a reason (son's diagnosis)for his behavior!!

But now, 5 yrs on and at mainstream with a Statement in place, and the realization that, he may never be fully independent, have a girlfriend, join in fully with his peers, get married, gain employment etc etc, NOW I am terribly, terribly sad.

I just keep doing my absolute best for him. He is just about to commence medication for his OCD diagnosis which, I hadn't realized is so closely associated with autism.

He's bright, funny, handsome and very affectionate but at 9, can't leave the house or me without so much preparation, it's pitiful really.

My heart goes out to you. You must just carry on..........and then continue to carry on.