Feel sad for DS2

[5inthebed]

We moved a few weeks ago so that DS2 could have a garden to play in. The next door neighbour has a grandson who is in the same class as DS2 at school. We didn't know this when we moved but it was a nice added bonus. The little boy has been over here playing a few times, but DS2 gets a bit frustrated and cries and whinges.

The last few times the boy has been visiting next door his mam has stopped him from coming over, saying they are going shortly, but stopping for 1+ hours. I don't think he will be coming over again :( It's a shame as DS2 would have gotten used to hving him here eventually.

Mmm. If only some parents stopped interfering, I'm sure many more NT kids would be perfectly happy playing with, and getting used to, children with SEN.
If you want to pursue this, one idea would be to focus on the mother; invite her round for coffee/chat, with son in tow. It may be her chance to discover that none of you has two heads.

They play together at school apparently, although DS2 had no idea who the boy was at first , so the boy must be ok with how DS2 plays and of his behaviour.

It's probably my fault as I mentioned the last time that DS2 had Autism and tht was why he whinged on sometimes. Probably too early to play the ASD card. I just didn't want thm thinking DS2 was a spoilt brt crying all the time.

Oh well, lesson learnt.

Disclosure is tricky. I have this sort of rule of disclosing after the third time I meet the person, so that they can get an impression of DS without prejudice, iyswim.
We got rumbled last time, though, because on the second playdate the mother just asked, and it turns out she has a nephew with severe autism, so she could identify DS's characteristic shriek. I felt bad I hadn't told her straightaway actually.
But unfortunately a few cows out there still run away from the a-word, as if it was contagious

When my ds (5 asd)started reception last Sept I did not know any other mums due to him having gone to a different nursery. For quite a whle I felt as though he didnt really have any friends and I didnt know any of the parents either. One year on and he is by no means at their level academically but most of his classmates are lovely to him and always make sure he is included. He has even had a few of them round in the holidays which I thought would never happen in a million years. The parents took a bit longer but have now seen for themselves what it is like to have a child with SN and are really supportive. I am sure that once you get to know your neighbour a bit better she will come round. Her son will still ask her if he can come and play, maybe you could ask her in for a coffee or something? Hope the move went well and you have all settled in OK.

I'm usually quite good at telling how people will react when told, totally wrong this time I guess.

Larissai, the little boy asks to com over every time he is there and stands at the fence when my kids are in the garden :( . I've told her he is fine to come over and she always has an excuse.

Not much I can do really. I don't think she would come over for a cuppa either.

Its so bloody hard sometimes. Sending you a hug and hope things improve and your ds is enjoying having a garden. It is such a knockback when these things happen - try not to let it get you down. Easier said then done but there are some nice people out there who are very understanding xx

Ah, that's not on. Kids are, generally, far more accepting of differences than adults. They often don't notice ASD characteristics.

sigh it's the ignorance of others that stop ASD peeps getting on in the word.

Thanks everyone. DS2 is rally enjoying the garden, it tires him out a bit before bed so serving its purpose.

5inthebed- we get the same problem with dd1, my neighbours little girl comes to play, dd1 winges and gets upset if the little girl wants to do something that she doesn't want to do etc.., dd1 ends up in tears and the little girl now knows how to push dd1's buttons. I am quite friendly with her mum, she knows that the dd's have ASD but still doesn't really understand why dd1 winges all the time and will correct her/tell her off and make her worse.

I like having her over because its good for the dd's to mix with other children but sometimes i think its best not to have anyone over as the dd's play nicely with each other.

Thanks Marne, glad it isn't just my DS2. Is it a high pitched whinge that your DD1 does?

Yes (high pitched), she will play upstairs with her friend for a while and then i hear the winge from downstairs and dd1 moaning, sometimes i leave her to it as her friend has learnt to ingnore it, when the crying starts i have to step in. Luckily the little girl still wants to come over. Last summer we had another friend over, dd1 made her cry (by not sharing) and she has never been back since .