How do you deal with other peoples ignorance?

[regsgirl]

Hi

I am new here, I have a 3yr old daughter with tuberous sclerosis and epilepsy. She is a happy, bright little thing and outwardly looks like any normal 3 yr old. However, she has servere speech and language delay and had learning difficulties and some I guess minor behaviour difficulties due to her lack of communication.

Until now everything has been good as far as strangers but as she is getting older, people have started to make comment on her , strangers I might add! Of course I am not about to explain our situation to every tom, dick or harry so I guess I want to know how best to deal with people making comment on a child with disability?

There was one incident at a play centre this week where 2 women left hot coffees on a coffee table and were too busy talking to notice dd pick them up and pour them on the floor. I couldn't see this as the table was so low and when dd came over to me the woman told me what happened and said I should tell her off, I said I could but dd wouldn't understand and she walked back over to her table giving out to her friend very loudly that I was irresponsible. i was fuming, dd could have been burnt for a start. Ofcourse I was not going to cause a fuss but I really wish I had something better to have said at the time that would have shut her up. How dare she tell me how to parent my child!

regsgirl, no easy answers to that one, but the play centre need to be aware that there was an incident in which your dd could have been badly scalded. As she has this level of needs, they might want to review how they are running the centre? Goodness me...you need a cuppa.
Would "my dd is lovely, but she has learning difficulties and cannot understand X" be short but useful?

Mine was a little s*d when he was younger and I spent half my life having to apologise for whatever he'd just done/rugby tackle him before he could do it/rescue him from situations all over the place. His ability to get into trouble in milliseconds was amazing. Not easy at all.

I think you have to just write some people off and ignore them as obnoxious to be honest.

You can explain, then if they don't listen they are obviously not worth worrying about. You know you are doing your best as a parent and they are obviously grumpy judgy types who go around making such comments to everyone.

Was out with DD today, she is 3.9 but more like 1.9, she wanted to go in a shopping trolley so kept going up to people's trolleys and merely touching them..one woman had an awful cats bum face on! DD is super cute as well..and I did tell her not to!

Welcome! :)

My DD (4.10) has speech problems, people often talk to her and she blanks them or makes no sense. I just smile and say she doesnt talk well. Its none of their business.
Say whatever makes you comfortable or nothing at all!

As for the playcentre ladies, Im angry for you...extra caution is ALWAYS required where children play! How daft was she....glad your dd was ok.

speech problems are hard for attracting judgy comments, aren't they.

DD can only whine and sound very spoilt when expressing dislike for something or really wanting something...cue lots of tuts! (she is tall too)

I started a thread yesterday about people ignorance; ignorance is a nasty beast and can really hurt especially coming form family.

My new way of dealing with it: not talking, listening or responding to the offending comments.
I'm going to turn into an ignorant cow myself!

yeah ds has a habit of shouting gobbledygook and squawking very loudly particularly when excited...on buses, when he sees a lift, when he sees a Santander sign (McLaren F1 sponsors!)...

My DGS will soon be getting his disabled badge and I am dreading my daughter getting some of the comments other mums get with their LOs. To look at DGS looks OK and still uses a normal pushchair. We have no idea how to handle the crap we know we'll all get and her DH wont be there all the time to face them off

I thought about a little leaflet along the lines:- I don't have to explain myself to you, but my son is disabled and entitled to his badge, NEXT time I may not be so polite!!

Maybe you could adapt this idea? At least if its in writing you are not forced to explain to the world and his dog that your DD is a little uninhibited!

I have little printed cards from the National Autistic Society which explain a bit and are wonderfully passively-aggressive and shame-making in their disapproving tone

I'm having to leave them in restaurants more and more these days and thinking of getting them laminated so that they'll make more of an impact when I fling them at people

PMSL at Starlight!

TBH, if I am feeling nice I say 'he's austistic' if I'm feeling antsy and stressed out I say 'he's disabled, why don't you take your judgy-pants and go and bother someone else?' or similar.

We once had awful disgusted stares and DH got into a verbal fight at a restaurant.

Ended up having to completely spell it out.

"You wouldn't expect a blind person to not bump into things would you?"

"But he looks normal and my kids know how to behave because we tell them"

"Well your kids can't help the fact that they look just like you but that isn't their fault"

I tend to tell people that if they think they can raise my child better than I can that there are lots of autistic children who don't sleep for more than three hours at a time needing fostering and that they should do something positive.

I'd have had four beers too.

"Really" disabled? That would have pissed me off no end.

Good for you with the evil stare though. I need to do that more often, these NAS cards are running out and I can't flick them quickly and accurately enough to cause any real damage.

I have been tempted to sign while smiling(full BSL no lip pattern or english word order)

My son is diabled and if you are too $%*^ing stupid to understand that, I feel sorry for you.

Then ask if they understood, and if not ask if punishing them would help them understand better?

Had some ignorance today...went to restuarant with DD today, had asked for a highchair (just a wooden seat type one, when we arrived the waitress said "I think you are too big for a highchair" I said.."oh she will fit in, she won't sit" she said "oh so you are going to lock her in there are you?"

Then DD kicked off the whole time as she was upset by the ceiling fan/acting like the 2 year old she is developmentally, and we got lots of cats bum faces.

How relaxing!

Thanks, thats really cheered me up, nice to knwo I am not the only one, but such a shame there are so many jusgemental nosey parkers around.

'My ds was flapping at a children's concert a couple of days ago, the music and noise was so loud. A lady came up to me and said 'has your lad had too many e-numbers?'

I was on my 4th beer, and for some reason laughed my head off at her ignorance. When I did, I sprayed her with some of my mouthful of beer. I didn't apologise.'

Starlight I think I love you

'V'

we hasd that over disabled toilets once, it wsnt even as if there was a queue (concertA) and ds1 was about to wet himself

Wish ahd complained; I knew their manager too