Any ideas on slowing explosive behaviour.. All very welcome

[TheArsenicCupCake]

Ds2(as/asc 11) is either happy or angry .. Resulting in meltdowns of varying dustructivness.

I have looked at my diary.. We talking at least 5/6 times a week.

We obviously looked at triggers and used A.B.C
on a good moment he helped me make a list for an anger volcano of things that make him mad ( his words).. And also at the things that calm him down.

We have that up on the wall for him to refer to as well as an emotions chart, with pictures of facial emotions and his body's physical signs of these emotions.. And stratagies to use.

This in theory is going well... But... ( you knew there would be a but didn't you). We can't seem to get over the hurdle of the speed in which his emotions change and his anger and behaviour flares up..
It is soooo fast !!

When I say fast, it's like the wind changing without any warning.. And often over something like dd or ds1 talking near him or walking past him...

Intellectually he can talk about it.. But putting stratagies into practice is failing.

I have time to regroup at the moment as he has gone to his dads for the rest of the school holidays..

I'd like a plan in place for when he gets back.. I do have an appointment with camhs team about it.. But I really don't hold out much hope tbh.

he haw already said it worries him as he doesn't know when he is going to explode.

Arsenic - I can completely identify and sympathise with your problem - this happens with our 14 year old daughter too and it is as you say, 'like the wind changing'.

Triggers for dd tend to be eg being disturbed whilst doing something, not being properly understood (if she cannot get the words out), early mornings and too much stimulii etc.

I try to get her away from the trigger and get her into a room without noise, so she can calm down.
It can be very difficult if we are in the car and she goes nuclear...then I have to pull over and remove her from the upsetting thing then try to get her to focus her eyes to mine. She gets so upset.

I have tried chamomile tea, additive free diet etc but am not convinced they are any good.

One to one total attention works but this excludes our other children.

It is so bewildering for the child when they explode.

In the nicest way possable.. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

What to do to slow him down a bit .. I am at a loss!
If I can get him to slow down we could put things in place.

Does he have a support worker at school that you could talk to ?

DD is working with these booklets just now - emotions and feelings (issue 10 2009). We go over them and discuss her emotions and how to 'temper' things in a gentler way.

She is a little rocky just now but is due her period soon so I can understand that she is feeling edgier.
Sometimes she feels that it is hard to express her emotions (that she just wants to be angry) so we try to go outside and walk or throw a ball until she can feel the rage dissipate.

They need a lot of reassurance when they explode and it does not always make sense to them imo.

No support worker ( he did have a pfsa.. But he sacked her.. Long story..).

We are going up to secondary school after the hols... I'll see if they deliver what they said they would.

Like I say we have camhs going to see if they can help ( actually I think well get dumped again.. Another long story).. I do have a telephone interview with bibic.. But not till October... And ss don't want to know.

So we are at the moment on our own. I don't mind that too much tbh.. If I can just figure out the whooosh factor.

Thanks for the link... I'll have a read through

Arsenic - I presume you've done all the obvious things:

Making sure he gets

• Plenty of rest
• Plenty of exercise (Trampolines are a godsend)
• Omega Fish Oil
• A relaxing bath every night
• Time every day to talk to you
• Epsom bath salts

The combination of doing all these things has helped my boy - but he wasn't as explosive as yours sounds.

I was reading the book Aspergers and Anxiety - and it just made me think to make sure I was doing all the normal things for my son that help me when I'm depressed etc.

It's all about seretonium and adrenilin or something. His body has to know the difference between arroused and relaxed - so you need to do plenty of baths and relaxing stuff so that you get his adrenalin down, so that it can go up without going sky - high.

Sorry if this has come out wrong... But I just think you won't be able to address the anger when it happens, you need to somehow address the underlying problem.

Thanks for posting indigo :)

the only thing we don't do on the list is Epsom salts.. No reason I just haven't thought about it. ( we have found that lavendar helps lots and has improved his sleep no end).. I'll get some Epsom salts. He loves baths and showers ( it seems to really ground him).

We used to have a trampoline.. Which was fab! There isn't space in this house sadly.. But He swims, does judo and we jog with the dog together.

What you say makes total sense! :)

also have additive free lots of home grown home cooked food.
I haven't started with GF/CF diet and I'm wondering if it might be worth a go. ( although this would get broken every two weeks and half of school holidays as he is at his dads).

Do you have a Princess Royal Trust for Carers near you?

I found them very helpful during a time that I found things confusing and trying to make sense of situations. They can put you in touch with people who can advise.

Your son will just be nearing puberty and the rages can become worse then.

We also took dd to a craniosacral therapist and she found it helped her although it was too expensive to continue long term therapy. We would try anything to help her as her explosions damage her self esteem etc but sometimes cost is exorbitant.

The cs therapist helped us understand what dd was going through and put a different perspective on the issue. I always thought that cs therapy was for new born infants but he kindly gave me a session too 'so I could get a good night of sleep'. Bless him.

Whoosh factors in dd's case can be interruptions,loud noises, someone accidentally touching her or invading her space, looking at her, red food, someone touching her things....I could go on...

Calming factors are - earplugs, personal space, designated areas for her stuff only, total attention, flowers on the table as a focus at meal times and her dad and I remaining calm. God, it is not easy sometimes!

When things get really bad, I have made her some valerian tea and that works.

Swans that's great.. We have a centre really close :)

you guys a fab btw :) thank you :) :)

I am hatching a plan and already read out this to dh who is also bouncing ideas about and ordering epsom salts online!

Cs therapy sounds good too..and not only for ds2 :)

oh and I would like to say laa laaa laa with fingers in ears about puberty... Ds1 ( NT) was bad enough.. :)
ahh we'll get through it.

Update!!

Omg camhs have been bloody brilliant!
We now have a team, who have been calling all week to book me in for appointments to get the ball rolling with stratagies in sensory and behaviour before ds arrives home from his dads.

I'll update more at the end of the week after a big meeting! Fingers crossed everyone!

Brilliant news. Please do keep us posted. (And pass on any tips that do end up working for you.)

Right, a lot of the explosive behaviour and control issues seem to be coming from sensory overload.

I asked if there was any way of slowing them down, so that we can get ds2 to stop and think before the big boom.... The answer seems to be a resounding no.

However what has been suggested seems to make great sense.. Traffic light system where he can plot where he is emotionally, and then use the information on the poster ( homemade I'll have you know lol) to calm thing down before we go boom.

We have and continue to work on recognising what his body does with different feelings, so he can read himself... the anger volcano we have apparently is fab..
( it's similar to the behavioural iceburg on the NAS site, we have sat down with ds2 and he has said what makes him mad or sad etc .. So we marked these down, as well as what he finds calming)

we are also putting in a card system ( Amber and red), where we as parents can imediately hold up a card and say what he needs to do.. For behaviour that we see happening but didn't see coming.

We have just got a special angry jumping mat ready to save the Walls doors and his feet!

We have a few more appointments so I'll keep this updated, hopefull it will help a few of you guys too :)

I'll be reading with interest. DS1 can blow up at the flick of a switch, but I have noticed that about 90% of the time, he's exibiting anxiety-related behaviour (questions, stimming, impatience) before it happens, sometimes building up over the day before something as innocuous as asking him to wash his hands for dinner sends him over the edge.

Things I've noticed that make him worse are the usual suspects: tiredness, hunger, feeling unwell, a loose tooth (yes, he lost his first tooth, yesterday and his mood flipped the other way, from grumpy as hell to manically happy and he's spent today in the loveliest mood I've seen for weeks!), impending change, breaks in routine... All stuff that's pretty impossible to totally avoid, sometimes :(

I strongly suspect that there's little we're going to be able to do to actively help him and he needs to learn to recognise his own triggers and manage them - something he's a long way off having the maturity to do at 6.