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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

would you go back to work?

13 replies

SweetPotato · 25/08/2005 23:12

I know it's one of those "how long is a piece of string questions" but I am just interested in other people's opinions and if you have had this decision to make....

DTs are coming up to 18mths now and I havent worked since they were born. Luckily I don't absolutely have to work for the money, although it would come in useful. DS is OK although about 6mths behind where he should be developmentally, but he will get there. DD has CP and we don't know how bad it might be, although so far only her legs seem to be affected. She can't sit or roll or move very much yet, and I am worried about putting her in a "normal" nursery. Basically I am stressing that she will spend all day on her back or in a chair which is no good for her, and obviously for those days she also won't be doing her exercises etc.

So basically I think I wont go back because I think she needs my attention - but do you think this is an over-reaction? I dont want to look back in a few years time and think maybe she would be walking now if I had worked with her more. But at the same time I think it would be good for them to mix with other kids and be away from me some time.

Then I thought should I be looking into the possibility of a nursery that caters for SN babies - but I dont even know if they exist.

Sorry this is a bit of a shambles ramble but I am not really thinkiong clearly about this, just going round in circles.

Any thoughts???

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 25/08/2005 23:17

No, I don't think you're over-reacting. Think you're spot on and wise to wait. Jobs will always be there. If you feel okay staying home and can afford it, then go w/it.

SleepySuzy · 25/08/2005 23:18

I really do think it's good for kids to mix together, but that is a personal choice. I also think it's good for kids with developmental problems to be able to learn from other kids. Could you just do half days or something?

Maybe a trial?

SleepySuzy · 25/08/2005 23:19

Where do you live btw?

expatinscotland · 25/08/2005 23:20

How about SN playgroups? Or networking w/some support groups for get-togethers? Or meeting up w/other SN mums on here?

TBH, I would NOT go to work if I didn't have to.

BadHair · 25/08/2005 23:24

How about doing part time through a temping agency? That way you can pick and choose your hours and if you feel it doesn't suit you can just drop it without the fuss of a formal resignation.
If it works out you could then look for something more permanent, and if not then you've not really lost anything.
Most mainstream nurseries cater for sn children - the one I used did - and I know for a fact that they ALL the children joined in activities as far as possible. A good nursery would never leave children sitting around, whatever their abilities.

fairydust · 25/08/2005 23:25

We choose for me not to go back to work as we felt i'd be able to offer dd more time / energy if i stayed at home and i don't feel she's missed out mixing with other child - we went to the SN playgroups but found they we'ren't for us so joined a normal playgroup and dd use to bum shuffle her way around - now she's in mainstream nursery running (in her own way) with the best of them.

DD has CP by the way and was told she'd never walk and we belive the time / energy i've been able to dedicate to her has helped.

Original poster

SweetPotato · 25/08/2005 23:26

I live in Kent - not too far out of London.

I think maybe the answer would be to take them to some sort of baby group so they can start to socialise, but being two of them it is just so hard to get out and about as I am always outnumbered.

Also cant help worrying that if we go to a "normal" group then dd will be odd one out, but if we found a SN baby group (are there any?) then ds will be out of place. Having twins just makes a difficult situation a whole lot harder.

OP posts:

Gillian76 · 25/08/2005 23:28

I know a family who have twins and one has CP. They go to nursery while mum works 3 days a week. There are good, supportive nurseries out there, if you want to go back to work.

Your call, but if you don't want/need to, there must be loads of options apart from nursery.

eidsvold · 26/08/2005 03:08

I went back to work for a year when dd1 was 1 year old. She went to a mainstream nursery who were absolutely fabulous!!! I could not have asked for/chosen a better place for her. She did long days as well, 5 days a week. Dd1 has down syndrome and when she started nursery was barely crawling let alone anything else.

I originally went and looked at one close to dh's work that made a point of saying they catered for children with special needs - NOPE!! The minute I walked through the door - I felt decidedly unwelcome and they wanted to put dd1 in with the babies rather than the toddlers of her own age group. I also got the impression that she would have been left to sit in the corner and not 'disturb' anyone..... so much for welcoming children with SN.

The nursery she attended put her in with age appropriate children - ie the toddlers and they all adored her - especially a couple of boys - much to her dad's worry!!

Her primary carer asked to be dd1's primary care worker when she found out we were looking into her coming to the nursery. They were so open to any suggestions and help from me and any other people working with dd1. They did Makaton with her - looking at the signs we were using with dd1, did her exercises, made sure she was sitting etc appropriately - nothing seemed to be too much trouble.

Every nursery must have a special needs co-ordinator and the one at dd1's nursery was fab - she sought out resources and ideas from her SN co-ordinator.

In fact - I think that nursery spoilt us for I have yet to find one here in Aus that made me feel as good about leaving dd1 as I did there ( not that you felt good iyswim). I needed to work for that year prior to us coming to Australia and am so glad she had such amazing carers.

When we left - I don't know who cried more - me or the nursery nurses. We still have contact now over a year later with dd1's nursery carers.

If you want to go back to work - why not just look around at nurseries in the area - believe me - you will know within 2 minutes of being in there whether this is the place for your children.

Hope that is a help...

Fio2 · 26/08/2005 08:11

where abouts in kent are you? I am in kent too

FWIW I never found nursery places a problem with dd who has SN, infact finding childcare has got more difficult as she has got older (she will be 6 soon) This holiday my sons nursery have offered two mornings respite whhich has been wonderful and so useful for me and she has enjoyed it too. they have coped fine with her and I have complete trust in them. I haven't been in work though since she was born for all sorts of reasons, but because of her sn. Yesterday i went for my first interview since she was boirn and looks like I have the job,I will find out later

Are you receiving DLA? have you applied? You can also get carers allowance if you earn less than 79 pound a week. have you got a sopcial woprker or an educational pyschologist? they can usually help when it comes to finding appropriate childcare.

chonky · 26/08/2005 08:39

I've gone back to work two days a week since dd was one (she has CP with severe developmental delay). We've been lucky enough to find a nursery where I feel that she is accepted and welcomed - but only after some horrible experiences interviewing childminders/ nurseries who advertise themselves as being trained in caring for children with SN, but who clearly don't welcome them. I'm ashamed to say I cried after one particular interview.

The nursery where dd does go now is very welcoming and accomodating. They have regular SENCO visits and our physio and Portage worker also visit to help the staff. What appealed to me about this nursery in particular is that they are a small independent nursery. One nursery I visited had twelve babies in one room, my dd would have been completely lost in that environment.

There may well be a SN nursery in your area. DD will go to one when she reaches two. You could maybe ask your physio/ ask at your local SEN school as to whether one runs locally to you?

In terms of going to SN groups vs. mainstream groups, you could always go to both so that both your DTs benefit. Also at our SN group parents bring along their other pre-school children, so the group ends up being really diverse anyway, not just children with SN.

Another option might be to get a nanny? Another Mnetter suggested these people, but warned that they're expensive:

SNAP

Sorry this is a ramble. It is a hard decision to make, but if you search you will find the right place for your DTs. Wishing you luck in your search

chonky · 26/08/2005 08:39

Fio, I have evrything crossed for you, that's great news

Davros · 26/08/2005 09:50

I would get them settled somewhere you're happy with before even thinking of going back to work. That way you have flexibility, if you need to move them you can and you can pop in to check up wherever they are. Have you talked to local groups, CDC etc? They should be helping you find somewhere and not just so you can work, so your DTs can have access to an environment other than home, other kids etc. And, as someone else said, you should get Carer's Allowance if you don't work. Personally I found that I couldn't work until DS went to school and then I worked part-time until leaving to have DD. I wouldn't rush back to work if you don't need to. Even if you do get them sorted, take some time to breath and get that Carer's Allowance! I enjoyed the part-time job I did but I could just as easily stayed at home reading Heat!

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