Ds birthday party yesterday...makes me so sad

[pucca]

Ds was 4 on Friday and I booked a party at the wacky warehouse for him.

A few times I ummed and aaahed as to whether I should cancel it because ds is just not that interested really, but decided to let it go ahead.

On the morn of the party he kicked off saying he didn't want to go etc etc, then he came around a bit and off we went. I invited about 7 boys from his pre-school, some quite a bit younger than ds but it just affected me to see all these little boys interacting and chatting away together.

Ds legged it off, wasn't interested in saying hello or anything and pretty much played alone, hated the birthday cake part and the pass the parcel, he just didn't "get" that you pass it on and wasn't even slightly interested in winning anything, yet all the others were really eager.

To just finish me off, it broke my heart when the food came to see the girl working there going round all the kids asking their names, and they were all replying and chatting away...ds just blanked her like he always does when anyone talks to him.

So needless to say, it went ok but it really hits home when you see kids the same age and even younger.

My mum's friends grandson gave me a similar feeling, he is just 3 and I couldn't believe how well he talked and chatted away...just makes me feel

Anyway rant over lol.

I can sympathise because DD1's 11th birthday party made me sad. She just had a few friends to go bowling. They went on one lane and DH, DD2 and I went on the next one. DD1 spent all her time between goes on our lane and her friends had a great time on the other one. They didn't exclude or include her particularly, she just wasn't interested in being with them. How I didn't realise she had autism then I'll never know.

The milestones always hurt as you really get to compare.

FWIW sometimes with my ds i think he is not taking anything in and not getting anything from a situation but then something maybe a few weeks later will show that it was worth the effort.

It sounds like it has really hit home that your ds has SN.
It is heartbreaking, especially if you have been telling yourself things will work out. DP went through a few years without accepting it ans when he really noticed how far behind DS was it was hard, but like a light was switched on.
You will have days like this and they are awful as they usually follow a good time.
you haev to try and let it pass you by or you will be constantly missing what your DS is not instead of cherishing what he is.

The only party i did for ds i invited his SN class. They all loved it but they all ignored each other and wanted to be alone at some point. It was a good day as DS fitted in without really getting on with the others.

Thanks all

Yeah I think you are that busy trying to sort everything like statement for school and appointments etc that it gets to a point where you catch your breath and then it hits you.

I did the whole party thing because dd (6.6yo) had it all for her birthdays so you try and do the same to be fair.

It's like a sledgehammer in the head though isn't it?

I think with me, I have been telling kidding myself that well he isn't that bad but I will make sure he has everything he needs (like statement for school) "just in case" but that isn't the case at all...

It is hard, isn't it? In isolation they seem OK but in with their peers it shouts at you.

I've decided to give his birthday party a miss for a few years. Just not worth the stress. Instead we're going to take ds and his cousins of a similar age (who are used to him and his ways) for a go at toboganning (sp?) at the ski slope. Then McDonalds.

You're spot on about the sledgehammer though. Is it a kind of grief?

sorry had such a rough time , nothing more obvious when you see your dc with nt dc of the same age

But ds really is not bothered about this birthday lark so have decided were just have a family day out instead at somethng he likes far easier