Do your ASD children behave better for others?

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My DS ASD (4.1) behaviour is so much worse at home.At school he is very good and follows routine really well but once he leaves the premises (usually at 90mph with me running after him) he seems to turn into devil child.

Also behaves better for childminder. Even some parents at the park today couldnt believe his behaviour as he is so good when with minder. Makes me feel like a crap mum ..

Had friends around this afternoon and he was lashing out at her little one - when I told him to stop he ignored me and gave me a dirty look and when my friend asked him he have her a hug and said sorry.

Just wondering if any of yours are better behaved for you or do I need to work on being a better parent ...

I am sure you are a great parent, some kids are just like that.
My ds only behaves (resonably well)for me which makes it very hard to have a break. I know my mum and sisters couldn't cope with him, he is not too bad at school and i am using the out of school club but he is still a challnge there and I don't know how much longer they are going to take him without extra support.
My two grown up girls can manage him but oldest is having her own baby (tomorrow being induced) so I can't rely on that help anymore.

Perhaps the childminder is a more structered environment for him,(it is her job after all) with the best will in the world its hard to be regimented in your own home all the time.

Yep, DS (4.9) has HFA and usually will behaves better with other people. Usually my mum and dad or mil.
Pefect example we have been on hols visiting my parents and he didn't insist on doing his usual rituals, didn't create over every petty thing and did listen to my parents relatively well. made me feel like i'm lying when i tell mum over the phone that DS does this or that...
In fact DD (2.4) NT, was much worse behaviour wise than DS.

DS is better for my Mum.

My DS has no diagnosis yet but this is a problem that I'm constantly up against.

I'm sure that most of my family and my childminder think that I'm massively exaggerating at best or outright lying at worst.

I also get frequently upset because I feel that it's just me. But I honestly, honestly feel that I do EVERYTHING I can possibly do.

It was a massive relief to me when DS's Portage visitor went to see him at the childminder's and she was GOBSMACKED at how different he is when he's there. She told the childminder that too so I think they have a little more faith in me now! Her opinion was that he enjoys the structure and undivided attention he gets when he's there (it's a nursery setting, not in a home). She also said to me that it's simply not possible to recreate this at home because you have to live, do the washing and cook.

I'm so pleased to read your thread (sorry ) because it makes me feel so much better!!

Hope it helps to know you're not alone xx

ALL of the children I have chidminded over ten years have behaved better for me than for their parents. It's natural behaviour because they feel more secure in the child/parent relationship than any other.

My DD1 who has AS has always behaved impeccably at school regardless of the extremely high levels of anxiety she experiences there. It all comes out at home where she can relax and express her frustrations. DD1 who's being assessed does just the same.

You are not a crap mum. You are the person he feels safe to be himself with.

Not really, although he behaves better for me than dh. He behaves very well for one particular TA.

He behaves much better inside than out though, and much better in a physically locked environment than one he can escape from.

I think he behaves slightly better for school when out and about, especially in places like cafes because the school routine gets transferred outside. But if it's something less structured he's pretty feral for them too.

Ds behaves better for me than anyone else in fact he looks to check whether or not I support the person giving instructions.
Dd rarely misbehaves but she does like to flounce when she doesn't want to do something.She will come back immediately if I call her but she doesn't if her dad calls her.

Thanks for all your replies. Has even cheered my up slightly! It is good to know that it is not entirely my doing and I too (in the nicest possible way) was pleased to read your threads as know I am not alone.

No. DS1 does usually play up more when DH is home on a weekend, but so far, he seems to have carried on this weekend's endless tantrums all the way to Tuesday. I'm about ready to drop to the floor and kick and scream, myself :(