autistic 3 year old, or just slow to socialise?

[stillworried]

Sorry, I know I shouldn't come to Mumsnet for a diagnosis but would be really interested in others' experiences.

My (just turned) 3 year old doesn't really have any interest in socialising with other kids - he doesn't seem to know whqt to do/how to play with them. He's more happy with adults and does seem attached to grandparents and some of my friends - will run up and cuddle them and engage in conversations. But can also ignore other adults and seem uncomfortable when asked questions.

I had been thinking maybe he was just shy/slow to develop friendships but am increasingly worried that he may be slightly autistic.

Other issues - he won't make eye contact with or properly interact with his 6month old sister. And, although he spoke very early and speaks quite fluently, he continues to reverse pronouns (ie refers to himself as 'you'), which I've recenly read is very common with autism.

Does anyone have kids who were simply slow to start mixing with other kids? Could he develop these skills later? Or do these signs at this age suggest autism, or some other problem?

Thanks in advance, and sorry if I sound neurotic

Hi stillworried. I missed my ds's asd traits completely as he had 'normal' friends with similar behaviours. That said, I was burying my head in the sand a little by assuming he only had difficulties due to ADHD.

Your son may well be fine like my boy's friends, but it's probably worth getting an official opinion if you're concerned enough to post here. That said, 'normal' and asd are just different points on the same line. So finding out what works well for pronoun reversal and promoting joint play is likely to be useful either way.

Google MCHAT and the instructions how to score it. It shows you what the signs to look for are.
Also here

For autism needs deficits in 3 areas - social, language and repetitive behaviours / rigidity.

6 month old babies can be quite boring to a toddler so I wouldn't necessarily worry about that - does he play alongside other children happily?

Most children don't make their first friend until over 3.

My DD, nearly 5, has many traits and speech problems. We dont have a diagnosis but suspect ASD. We always had concerns then she was flagged at nursery but issues have become more apparent as she is getting older...especially her anxiety.

You dont sound neurotic! All I can say is if you are concerned talk to your health visitor, they will advise if it needs further investigation. He may just be shy, I have friends a very shy DS. Theres no harm in checking. If you do get referred it can be a very long, stressfull process.

Good luck .

My ds sounds similar to yours - he's 3.3 and is undergoing assessment at the moment. His nursery first picked up on the fact he was still playing alongside rather than with his peers - like yours he does sometimes seem to want to play, but doesn't really know how (eg the one or two children he shows interest in he hugs rather over-enthusiastically). Other than immediate family he is reticent to engage with others, adults or children.

His language is ok, spoke early (12 months), but he still reverses pronouns, and in fact has only recently started using "me" properly.

If it were just the above issues, and those your ds is showing, I would not be as concerned as I am tbh. In my ds's case however, he is also very challenging in some other ways (eg tantrums, very controlling), and has very little imaginative play, but lots of repetitive play with water/sand/sensory things. His interaction generally with most people is just not quite like other children's.

We are expecting ASD to be diagnosed, to what degree of severity I don't know. But regardless of that, we are embarking on ABA therapy to help him, whatever his dx.

Do you have a gut feeling about your ds - does he behave how you would expect/like his peers (even if he doesn't play with them)? Does he show imaginative play? Is he conversational? I agree with woollytree about speaking to HV/GP, there is absolutely no harm in investigating further.

Thanks so much for replies. Gut feeling changes all the time. I had discounted ASD until recently as he's hugely imaginative - always making up stories, using objects for pretend play etc - and also very conversational - talks to us a lot, picks up on everything we say and joins in, uses quite complex sentence constructions, can express complicated thoughts and even tells 'jokes' and makes up poems of a sort...

He doesn't do the repetitive play I've read about -and no lining up toys or anythingn like that.

But he's definitely 'different' in some way. He isn't at nursery yet so I don't know if he just hasn't had much practice at socialising. He's been extremely attached to me unitl his little sis came along so I think in some ways views other kids as an intrusion. Also, me and dh were both very shy as children so not sure if that has any bearing.

I know what it's like to wonder whether to be worried or not! When ds was around 2 I had concerns but just didn't know whether to worry. (With hindsight of course I should have pursued an assessment earlier.)

But tbh if I was in your position I probably wouldn't worry actually. Lots of children are shy, and as an earlier poster said, don't socialise really until 3 or so. His imaginative skills sound brilliant, and his communication, so that is two out of three asd boxes un-ticked. But obviously I'm a stranger over the internet who's never met your ds, and no expert in autism except for what I know about my own ds, so please don't take what I say as gospel!

All I'd say is if you are worried it is far better to put your mind at rest by getting him assessed - it's a long process anyway so by the time you are seen you may have no more worries about him in any case.