This old chestnut -again.

[siblingrivalry]

I can't talk to anyone in RL about this -family and friends just wouldn't understand -so can I just have a self-indulgent moan here please?

Yet again, I find myself really broody and desperate for another baby. I have 2 dds -dd1 has AS, dd2 is NT.

I have gone through this on and off for years,but all of a sudden I feel like time is running out. It's stupid, really, cos I'm stretched to the limit with the dds and all of dd1's extra needs, but I can't stop longing for another child.

I feel like the risk is just too big, though. DH is very, very likely AS -so there is a high chance of another child having an ASD. That's not what puts me off, it's the fact that I don't think there would be enough of me to go round and I wouldn't cope well enough.

I am so maternal, always have been, and planned at least 3 children. Now, I don't like myself because I'm feeling envious of other people getting pg without a thought to the kind of issues we face.

I saw a 9 week old baby today and I literally ached to hold her -ridiculous, really, I know.

I just don't feel like I'm 'done' yet and I'm so scared that this is going to eat me up and I will live with the regret of stopping at 2. Then I feel like a selfish cow, cos I am lucky to have 2 beautiful little girls who give me so much happiness.

I needed to get that off my chest -thanks for letting me rant

We had to stop at one. It was a heartbreaking decision at the time, but it's worked out beautifully over the years.
No idea what the right answer will turn out to be for each person's family, but there is no 'right' general number of children. Go with what seems do-able.

al1 I can understand that

In some ways that was what prompted us to have a 4th and last: the knowledge we already had that one child who could be left alone, ds2, a sibling between two needy brothers.

Not that I want them to care practically: as MrsT wisely says, care about, not care for. But I don't wish the entire burden (if it is) to fall on one person either. At elast now it should be shared at the very least.

It's a good job I didn't realise what a minefield parent could be before I started it!

I love being a mum. It's my whole reason for being but some things are such a responsibility I might have been scared off if I'd known.