Child with ? HFA / AS (long, sorry)

[3Trees]

Hi all, I am really new to this site so bear with me, and I'll try my best to put all this accross, in the hope that someone out there will be able to help me.

DS' school have flagged that they think he may have HFA / AS, as he has some problems at school (he is 3yrs (months, and was at preschool - will be in nursery). EG, he WILL NOT participate in creative play, won't paint, doesn't pretend (apparently he will role play, after a fashion, but it's a VERY repetitive, basic fashion, without imaginative input) he can read a story, and likes to see the words and what they mean, but he can't do the same with pictures, he cannot imagine things based on a picture iyswim. He also becomes very absorbed in what he is doing, and can be quite nasty with the other children if they try to take a turn.

he is VERY advanced at reading / spelling, and also counting / sums and numbers. They ahev also flagged however, that he has poor fine motor skills (he doesn't write / draw at all well, could absolutely not draw a basic face etc - although I note he can draw a "J" with a felt pen - not with a pencil, he doesn't apply enough pressure. He could no way even vaguley get close to doing up or undoing a button etc)

He also gets VERY upset at changes to routine, if something is not done the "right way" etc. The class had a magician party as an end of term treat, and I was the only parent there, as they asked me to be there in case he got distressed at a magician, who, by definition does things you won't expect. He loved the "party" but the magician, as predicted made him cry.

He IS sociable, and recognises if someone is sad or happy. But he is often unsuccessful with his attemmpts to be friendly, either he may be TOO friendly, or the small people are not really interested in the kind of things he likes to do, and often wander off / push him away.

He is obsessive, eg, if I tell him we'll go out at half past 12, if it gets to be 12:31, he'll start full on meltdown, screaming etc etc. He askes EVERYONE, strangers included what NUMBER house they live at (he has to know this about everyone). he also likes to know how to spell things, LOTS of things, LOTS of times. He won't eat "mixed up" food either, although we had a breakthrough last week and he ate sandwiches at a party. And so on...

But he is very young. Is it worth, on the strength of this getting him referred and going through the reportedly arduous process of seeking a dx?

I don't want to put him through that if he may just need to grow into himself a bit more and these things are minor, (he is an only child, so I don't really know what is normal and grow out of able iyswim?) but equally, I don't want to ignore their concerns and do nothing if he would really benefit from my doing something.

Sorry this has been such a long post, just after some advice really.

WOW! Jaxx, that's him! He reads BOOKS, he loves numbers, but he didn't speak a word until aged 2, and had SALT then (until just before 3) and has the social issues etc.

I had never even heard of Hyperlexia!

I haven't posted here for a long time, but this sounds very much like my son who is nearly seven now. Think of it like this - things come naturally/instinctively to the hyperlexic child that other children need to be taught painstakingly (reading/maths), but the reverse is also true, the interpersonal skills that are innate in other children have to be learned. But they CAN be learned with the right kind of learning support (which in my son's case is a combination of speech therapy, OT and a social skills group at school). To access that support, you need to go down the route of getting a diagnosis, painful though it is.

Hiya,

Starlight mentioned me. I agree with everything she has said. Our stories are really two sides of the same coin.

90% of the difference will be made by you and any other family members that he lives with, so do whatever will empower you. It all depends what makes you tick as a parent - and his dad too, if he is around.

The book "Talkability" published by Hanen could be useful for you. There is also a book called something like playing learning and laughing with children on the autistic spectrum which others on here have really liked. Choose one good quality guide whose advice all family members are willing to follow (Hanen books are brilliant at not irritating/frightening husbands/mothers,etc) and get stuck in.

@ ladygrinningsoul - it's so true that it's innate, people keep telling me that a) I must be making it up that he reads / counts / spells / does sums so well etc at 3.5 or b) that I must be pushing him WAY too hard etc, but I have only talked to him, shown him number puzzles, read him stories, but NONE excessively, no further coaching, just going with what he wanted to do / can do etc. it really is just something he "gets".

Socially etc though, he CANNOT answer the "wh" questions they talk about, he had a lying down screaming tantrum today because another small person just would not do as my son TOLD him to do, and becasue I wouldn't allow him to actually pull the other child over to what my son wanted to do.

His speech and language is GREAT, but it is very idiosyncratic (as a person who has studied laguage aquisition in babies and young children, I can confidently say his is odd) and he really just talks AT people, in long swathes of facts and numbers.

@lingle - thank you SO much for posting, I know that since most of his input is at home and with us (his dad lives with us and sees and talks to ds every day) we will be the BIGGEST influence in how well he gets on, so tips on what WE can do to help is the MOST important thing. I am sad that my parents currently just think it is "stupid" to imagine that someone so "bright" has any kind of problem and won't talk about it, but since we don't see them often, they are likely to be more likely to be a hurdle for him to deal with. Thanks for the book reccomendation, I'll look them up now!

"a person who has studied laguage aquisition in babies and young children, I can confidently say his is odd) "

wow you are ahead of the game. In that case, consider also Stanley Greenspan "The Child with Special Needs" - dreadful prose, but great doctor. He passed away a few months ago - DH and I often wondered if we ought to take DS2 to see him, but too late now! Sets out the developmental stages for emotional growth and helps you work through them. Also very interested in empowering the family - believes in going beyond the label, etc.

You probably already know this but you need to develop a sensory and processing profile for him so you know what he responds to normally, what he is overresponsive to (whirring noises? tickling sensations as in rain?) and what he may be under-responsive to (content of other people's speech? aspects of body language?)

should have added - your goal will (obviously) be to get him to tune in to what other people are thinking/saying and to be more flexible. But in order to do that well, you need to have that profile of how he processes sensations and information. Because otherwise you might not keep aware that things that are small hurdles for other kids might be big hurdles for him.

good luck.

Did not know about developing a sensory and processing profile. I will definitely make one.

BUT, other than speech, how do I know what is usual and what isn't? Like, I know Ds covers his ears at sounds I don't think are very loud (and also at sounds that ARE that loud) I think that the sounds are bothering him, but dp says that some children just dothis to show they have noticed the sound (personally, I felt that ds would SAY if he noticed a sound, "what's that sound?" being something he is good at asking.)

thanks again. It's difficult, understadning some things that I would have expected him to do (I used to get a lot of people saying, when he has a melt down, "give hima consequence, he can understand a consequence!" and OF course we tried that, we still do. It usually makes NO difference whatsoever. Yes, I can consequence his pudding - "If you don't eat some of your dinnre, you cannot have ice cream" etc, but I CANNOT consequence, if you keep making that noise, jumping on that, then you will have to go to your room / have time out etc. It's genuinely like he CANNOT not do those things) - or just expecting him to answer someone's questions rather than just talk AT them

Is that just me being a bad parent though?

"other than speech, how do I know what is usual and what isn't"

There are guides to sensory profiling in "more than words" (expensive) and "sensory integration and the child" but see if someone has a better recommendation .

Consider also visual techniques rather than spoken explanations. lots of stuff about this in the archives on this forum, esp. from moondog often in discussion with me. Don't be tricked by his excellent language into thinking visual techniques won't work for him. Use resources targetted at kids with receptive language delays.

re fingers on ears, I think this indicates that the bit of his brain that receives the signals from his ears is receiving those signals in a slightly uneven way. I would take it very seriously and get him to talk about it with you. He may find these noises quite overwhelming, and be unable to take in competing information (eg adult trying to remonstrate with him)at the same time . So he may be oversensitive to certain types of noise (think of the well-known tendency of people to cringe at fingernails on blackboards and imagine that going on for long periods, then imagine how hard it would be if the adults told you that you shouldn't be bothered by it).

good luck, happy reading, you'll get more from the profs if you develop your own expertise.