AS, obsessions and anxiety

[Ampersand44]

DS2(8 very nearly 9) has developed the ability for major obsessions that go on for days and days. Both times have been about a Wii game.

First one he got as an 'unbirthday' present (family tradition) but he went on and on and on about wanting it before the day. He assured me it would 'take away all my worries'.

Now he wants another and will not shut up. Hasn't noticed that we actually put Wii in garage at the weekend as had had enough and has never even asked to play the other game since then . He shouts and yells and cries and just asks about NOTHING else. It is impossible to discuss it with him. Am convinced he has no idea of anything to do with time/waiting. His birthday is soon and it could be a present or he can use his money but again these are not concepts he can take on board these days.

Am convinced it is a free-falling anxiety as he really struggles with anxiety generally (yesterday he said he was a glitch and should not have been born ) - while we can distract him from time to time he keeps coming back to this endlessly repeated request.

Any suggestions? Can social stories work for such a big concept as time and waiting?

Hi, my dd1 is a little bit younger (6.6), she struggles with anxiety and also gets obsessions, with her its game shows, she will record one on sat and then watch it every day until the next show is on TV, she is obsessed with Vernon Kay (as he hosts most of the cheesy game shows) and gets really excited if he's on tv.

With the time problem (next week, next month etc..) you could use a calander and let him cross off the days. For shorter times (5 minutes, 10 minutes etc..) we use sand timers.

Dd1 often says things like 'god messed up when he made me' and 'why did god make me naughty', she often gets anxious at night and beleives that no one likes/loves her and that she is useless , we have started to stick sticky notes on her bedroom wall with good things she has done/achieved during the day, she reads them when she is anxious to remind herself that she is not useless and can have a good time.

DS1 is just 8 he got very obsessional over lego starwars on the wii. He would have played it ALL the time, but in the end as his 1yr old brother kept hitting people over the head with lightsabers I had to have a total ban on it I found it easier to have a complete "no" policy than any kind of "you can have 10mins" type thing.

In terms of waiting for his birthday (well anything) he is terrible. This year he decided on the 1st of June (his birthday is at the end) to make an 'advent calendar' for his birthday. It did mean he kept asking me what the date was, even if he had marked it off on his calendar, and forever telling me exactly how many days it was going to be, but it seemed to help him a bit.

Like the idea about the post-it notes, DS keeps telling me he is an idiot . Bedtimes are particularly bad for him worrying about things, he often is awake worrying after I have gone to bed.

Thanks for helpful replies. Post it notes sound a great idea - will try that. Melatonin has helped as slightly reduces the time he is anxious for at night which means it does not always escalate out of control. Once he is anxious he will not stay in a room alone at night although we are trying to help this by coming in and out (very) frequently and attempting (unsuccessfully so far) to prolong the time out of the room.

It is not so much the game that is the issue (although we have great scenes over coming off even with the timer, and periods of total ban), but just the wanting something NOW whatever it is. Biggest problem is when the answer is just 'no' full stop, he seems to genuinely not understand (for long time thought he was just stubborn and spoiled but now I really think it just does not click). Thinking he should have something seems the greater pull than actually having it. How on earth do I stop that hysteria which comes back over and over - it has been 5 days this time and is getting to me now ...

Marne - you have mentioned something I was going to post more about too - the 'god messed me up' etc. we get too, also the other day when asked if he wanted to do something this week he replied 'if I am still alive then'. Obviously the anxiety is real but is it something common in AS we have to just sit with and help him bear or can anything be done (other than medication)? We are going to CAMHS for family therapy but they won't do anything directly with DS and we feel so bad just letting him go one being like this.

Sorry, this is getting long. He is usually calmer in the holidays, but not this time.

"Thinking he should have something seems the greater pull than actually having it."
DS1 is very like that. He will decide that he has to get a new lego toy or starwars character. He obsesses over that object, gives me millions fof reasons to get said object - NOW.
At the beginning of the holiday we went on a trip to the library, on the way back I had to buy some milk, so he would be allowed to buy his Dr Who magazine.
When we got out the library it turned into a torrential downpour. In the shop he threw massive tantrum - he wanted his magazine, but equally he didn't want it to get wrecked in the rain. My solution of coming back (only a couple of minute walk) once it stopped raining, didn't help matters at all. He wanted it NOW and only NOW would do. Yet once it was purchased he kept tantrumming as now he was anxious it would get wet.

Sorry, no help there , just empathy.

He is very much an "I need it now", I was hoping it was an age thing, maybe it isn't
(I am still awaiting a dx for DS1 - should be assessed in October, as area previously lived in said was school related anxiety, new area are saying AS.)

We are awaiting dx for ds (10) and he has also become very anxious. He hasn't always been like this but we don't know what,if anything, has triggered it. He is due to have counselling from Camhs following infant school trauma but is anxious about everything lately. He also has a big problem with the word 'no' - is this common in AS children? We keep saying no until we get annoyed with which we obviously don't want to do as he gets more anxious. Any tips to deal with this?

The intensity of their obsessions are amazing aren't they.

Your son sounds exactly like my ds2 - who doesn't have any dx but I'm getting more and more concerned that I probably should get him checked out for ASD....

Anyway, I haven't found any answers. Frequently I give in, because we're in a financial position to spoil him if we want to. Some things I've refused to buy him (like a play station game when we don't have a play station) and just listened to him go on and on because I knew there was no way I was going to buy it.

The waiting for Christmas was the worst. Strops every single day because I wouldn't buy him any presents in Dec. But I just wouldn't.

So what I'm saying, is that if it's not a bit deal to me then I just buy what they want. If I decide there is no way I'm going to buy it then I have a good reason for that and I don't buy it. And if they have to wait for their birthday or christmas, then they drive you crazy - but eventually it comes and is over.

So, I do spoil give in to my children a lot. But if I haven't got a good reason to say no, I don't say no. With all the asd complicating things I don't know if they're spoilt, badly behaved, or just ASD....

Im struggling with my DDs obsessions, DS is 1 and teething, grumpy and clingy. Its so easy to give in to DD to keep her calmer while I deal with DS...she loves Mickey Mouse and Toy Story at the moment but also obsesses about food. She wants lunch at 10.30am and gummy bears all day...all due to her previous love of 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs'...she 'neeeeds' hotdogs, spaghetti, pancakes...etc. Distractions, timers, time out, she just seems to be getting more angry. The second I think shes ok she just starts asking all over again...exhausting. She mimics and parrots when speaking and makes little sense otherwise.

She is nearly 5 but only started getting so cross in the past few months...worried its just going downhill from here. No dx yet but appointment in 2 weeks. The holidays are hard work.

Moan over. Hugs to all.

LMG - empathy much needed and gratefully received!

I am not glad others are going through this too, but it is reassuring to realise it is not just us if that makes sense.

Looks like lots of us waiting for DX too - I was a bit misleading in implying we have ours. It is a 'working diagnosis' from paed among others. Still waiting for PCT to decide who is commissioned to diagnose so long wait. Am going with it as it makes sense from what I have read and what we are experiencing.

Indigo - you have put into words what DH and I were wondering earlier. I think I will let him buy it with the last of his savings this time and pay more attention to the structure of his day to help the anxiety - I have slipped a bit recently and I haven't quite got the hang of the fact that there's usually a price to pay for that. It goes against the grain though to 'give in' as not how DS1 has been brought up, we are all having to learn different rules/approaches for different people

Amper- the anxiety really worries with dd1, we also use melatonin which has helped at night. As soon as she gets upset (doesn't get her own way), she starts with the 'god made me naughtey' and 'nobody likes me', i then find it hard to get her out of it and happy again. I do worry about her getting depressed as she gets older .

&44 what will you do in a similar situation when he has run out of pocket money? Not a critical comment BTW, genuinely interested. Because I tried this with DS1, then the next time he wanted something he threw a major fit that he had no money left and he had made the wrong decision and he was useless at making up his mind etc etc etc.

Marne - I kmow I worry about when he's older too which is why I get even more concerned about finding ways to try and help him tolerate things now. I don't know what the answer is but think I have to try and concentrate on now rather than the future!

LMG - good question (not taken as criticism at all) and my concern too - I expect know we would have exactly the same as you and he would have no ability to take on board the lesson. So I have not resolved anything, just gone round it (until the next time ).

Indigo has started a general thread about this which I will watch with interest. After years of trying to be consistent and it not working I admit I am just floundering around in circles and feel it is 'all our fault' - know it's not but so hard to hear others talk about how well consistency has worked for them and not feel like that.

One thing I tried today was practising with him beforehand what it might feel like if they didn't have the game in the shop, and what the options would be - sort of verbal social story. I think on a calm day when there is nothing he wants NOW I need to practise talking about wanting things and around the possible actions/feelings in the same way and see if that could have an effect.

Just been struggling a lot recently and getting more and more tired, feeling out of my depth.