Party invite should we go?

[chuckeyegg]

DS is 3 almost 4 and been invited to a party I really don't know what todo. He doesn't really like crowds and last year started crying when he saw the balloons outside the house. Part of me thinks if we never do things like this he won't get use to them and the other part thinks why put him through it?

Thanks in advance.

x

Sorry should have said he has ASD.

You should go. We just got an invite on a playdate, I don't think DS even knows who the kid is, but, hey, that's how hopefully one day they'll get some sort of social life.
My thoughts:

1. give yourself a time limit; you can tell your DS that you're going until 4 o'clock or something like that, so he doesn't get too anxious/tired? Even just half an hour is good 'training'. He might even like it and want to stay longer!
2. get him a social story in the form of a book. We have Usborne "Going to a party"; it really goes through the steps of what happens pretty much at most parties. You could rehearse a few things at home (this sounds pathetic to mothers of NT children), like saying 'Happy birthday x' to the other child
3. if you feel like it, tell the other child's mother something along the lines of, my DS sometimes is very sensitive to noise/crowds/etc. so she knows and perhaps can suggest a quiet place he can go to if it all gets overwhelming. I'm sure it'll all go great!

We always go, even if we end up leaving early...or 5 mins in! Good tips sc13!..we used social stories for school, dentist, doctors, works well. We also take DDs leapster so she can go be alone but rejoin the party if she likes....when theres cake! lol. We freak out at balloons filled with helium....she loves 'up' but thinks we will float away!

Have fun, good luck!

I wouldn't go. I think 'why put him through it'?

My life and stress levels have got much back in control since I've started taking this attitude to life.

I now let DS's abilities and preferences rule our life - and really we are all far more relaxed this way.

At the same time we are doing treatments with him like Retained Reflexes - and as he gets better and better we can do more with him - without having to put up with all the stress of making him do things he wasn't ready for.

If he was an adult who had a phobia of crowds would you make him go so that he'd get used to it?

It is hard.
When dd was small she hated parties- balloons and crowds.
In the end we just took her to her best friend's party once a year where she felt happier.
She has severe OCD- and like Indigo, we tend to go with her feelings a lot. For instance we went for a nice afternoon out yesterday, dh and I fancied a quick glass of wine by the river- but she became very twitchy/unhappy at the thought of sitting there. Why make her?
So we took her home, and popped out ourselves. Everyone happy.
Sometimes it isn't worth putting the family through it- that's why we're not going away this summer. Can't bear it after last year's fiasco. Although, she is so much better this summer.

I would go, but warn the birthday childs parent that you may have lo leave early.

I took dd2 to her first party last year (whens she was 3.5), it was in a hall (bouncy castle and music), i spoke to the parents and they kept the music down, dd2 wondered around the room with her ears covered but seemed happy, she enjoyed the party food (although we got some coments about her eating habbits from older children). She now loves party's (a part from singing happy birthday) and has been to a few.

I would say 'its worth a go, he may even enjoy it and if not you can leave early'.

Thank you so much for all your replies I've decided we are going to go for intially for half an hour, if all goes well we will stay longer. The birthday girls parent is fine with that and just glad we are going.

Sc1 I've order the book even if it doesn't get here for Saturday we'll have it for the future.

Great! I hope DS has fun. We've had varied success. My DS is 1 tomorrow and we are trying out an aquarium....DD does not understand why we dont have party hats!

We usually go - he gets a lot of invites as we are lucky to have a great circle of friends. The parents all "know," and don't make any big deals, the kids are all really good at either including him or giving him his space.

I would not inflict a hall/ bouncy castle/ unfamiliar parent on him though, not fair.

I just thought I'd let you know we went and stayed to the end! DS didn't join in very much he found the water butt and the watering cans and started watering the garden! :)

He enjoyed himself enormously in his own way!

All the way home in the car he was talking about the birthday party. We got the usborne book today and I think that really helped.

xx

Fantastic! :)

So glad it went well. We are going to a party tomorrow, lots of adults and in a garden/house she is familiar with and can go play in the living room so well be fine. Had a tea party today for my DS turning 1, DD was great, got upset we didnt have party hats...again...obsessing about the details...we made some! :) Used her nursery rhyme cd so she loved leading the sing song....she normally hates party music!

DD often remembers and chats about parties, even when she hasnt enjoyed it much at the time!

PS She loved the aquarium but ran round it in 10 mins so we went round again!

Hope the party goes well today for you Woolytree, I'm glad she enjoyed the aquarium.

xx

Thanks chuckey egg...it did! She took ownership of the swing and had lots of anxiety over the balloons but had fun over all.:) xxx