just asking for advice about my 4yr old boy...

[JackJacksmummy]

I posted this on another forum and have no replies yet but i want to see the HV tomorrow so was hoping someone was around here for some advice

Hi all,

I am writing here not really knowing where to start to tell you about my youngest boy Jack.

1st off I'll tell you about our family:

DP and I both live at home with our three children, we have a 10 year old daughter who is way above average in intelligence - equivalent to a child in year 8 and she is heading into year 6 in September, apart from the usual attitude from a 10 year old we have no problems with her at all.

Then we have our 5 year old son, who again is above average and is kind, thoughtful, helpful, will do anything to make anybody happy.

and then we have our very gorgeous little Jack, who looks angelic with blonde curly hair lol.

The problems is though he has always been active, since the moment he could walk at around 10 months old he never sits still, unless engrossed in the tv, the one thing we can guarantee will chill him out for 5 or 10 mins, even then hes rolling around the floor.
Other things we have noticed with him is that he is ultra clumsy, will not maintain eye contact unless he wants to - if i tell him to look at me he will then the moment he talks to me his gaze just drifts away. He is still loving and will hug and give kisses but will not look at you.
Another thing is he is just not interested in sitting down to learn, he recognises his name and can count to 10 but if i sit down with him, even with the tv off and no one except me and him, he is just not interested.

His speech is well behind his peers, probably that of a 2 and a half year old.

If you pretend to be sad he just walks away from you and carries on with what he is doing.

I could be calling for him 6 or 7 times not even 1 metre away from him yet he takes no notice although he can hear well.

He has to know every morning what we are doing today and if the plan slightly deviates he usually has a tantrum unless it is something he wants to do, for example, he has to know whether he is going to nursery or the childminder, if its a childminder day and i've planned to go to nursery he says "but its a helen day today" (the name of his childminder) even though he goes there once a week he just seems to know when he is due there

He does not call himself Jack if you ask what his name is it is Big Jack, although he is always called Jack, if you tell him his name is Jack will argue its not!

He has an excellent photographic memory, he will see something that i know he hasn't seen for months and he will remember it and describe the previous time he saw it.

He has lots of moments of being good but when he is naughty he is very naughty and seeks to find something to break or destroy.

I have experience of ADHD children and at the moment i dont think his behaviour matches up to the traits of those but then i guess they are all different. I dont know much about ASD only that of severe autism which my cousin has but i have read up on milder aspects like aspergers and PDD-NOS which Jack seems to fit into.

He is starting school in september and i really dont want him being labelled as a problem child so i need to get him some help, up til recently I've always thought of him as a normal 4 year old boy because we've only had the two older ones who are calm and laid back so obviously thought Jacks behaviour is normal.

He has been going to nursery since he was a year old and i think in those years I've only been pulled aside once about a biting incident which of course they all do at some point anyway so i know he knows how to behave in a school setting and they have never mentioned any concerns about him to me.

So do i wait til he goes to school and see if the teacher thinks he needs help or see the doctor/health visitor myself before he starts school?

Any advice/similar stories will be welcomed

Thank you

also just to add -

He has had epileptic seizures 5 or 6 times in his 4 years, not often and we ave been referred to a neurologist to get them looked into

I'ld phone up your local speech therapy department first off, and see if you can directly refer yourself (some areas let you do) and if they have any surestart drop in clinics (again some areas have these), and speak to your nursery about your concerns, occasionally nursery/school have concerns but don't like to raise them until the parent does

Do you have an appointment with the neuro soon - just that a consultant to consultant referral can be speedier than GP to consultant. Also a neuro should be a good person to discuss general developmental worries with. If the appointment with the neuro isn't going to be soon, then I would go to the doctor. I wouldn't bother with the HV unless you already have a good rapport with her, as they tend to move out of HV province into school nurse province when you start school. I wouldn't bother waiting till he starts school, as NHS waiting lists can be so long that no point wasting a month.

I would also try to speak to someone at school before he starts (would think head would not have all the hols off!), explain you have some concerns about him and you are going down doc route about them.

Given your worries I think it makes sense to have a chat with the HV but I'd also say that almost everything you've mentioned, except the delayed speech, sounds fairly typical for a 4-year-old boy.

Lots of what you've said sounds a bit like a small boy trying to exert control e.g. finding out the day's routine, wanting to be Big Jack etc. and I know a number of 4-year-olds who have very specific ideas about their names e.g. declaring themselves to be THE Fireman Sam.

His clumsiness could be a sign of something else but may be that he's too busy rushing around to do so carefully.

See what the health visitor says and keep an eye on the early days at school, don't wait for the first parents' evening. It may be that he's absolutely fine but if you're worried there's no point waiting until November to learn if the teacher has concerns too.

Hi there,
I would maybe ask the health visitor to refer you to a paediatrician. Some of the things you have mentioned may be traits of ASD however your boy may just be being a typical 4 year old! What is he like with his peers?
I am sure someone else will be along shortly to give you more advice!

Hadn't seen your post about the seizures... I'd definitely chase up the referral in that case and ask the HV/GP to refer to a community paediatrician for a developmental review.

It would make sense to let the school's SENCo know that he has had seizures before too so call/write to the Head and inform them before he starts.

Thanks for the advice, we have the neurologist on the 26th and DP and I are both going, purely because he was there at the latest fit and knows i was not imagining it and can properly remember it better than i did.

Will definitely mention it to her at the appt but still want to get the ball rolling here, i haven't seen the HV about him for ages, although we did see a speech therapist back in May so might book up to see her again soon and see what se says although i think they may have stopped for the holidays too .

From what i can tell he plays alongside his peers ok, i have never witnessed anything unusual anyway, only thing i can say is at the last school transition thing he spent the whole hour playing at the water table and was not interested in anything else, and if anyone else joined in he moved onto the next water play area. BUT, he is going from a nursery he has been at for over 3 years to a school where he knows no-one except his brother and sister so may just be shy.

He is notusually a shy boy and will happily kiss strangers (strange to him anyway) goodbye after meeting them for the first time.

Round here the SALT service runs speech 'summer school' for children we identify in nursery/further up who would benefit from some intensive input. Have a look here:

www.escis.org.uk/Entry/View/East_Sussex_Downs_and_Weald_Speech_and_Language_Therapy/10713

oh thats not too far from me either, i will call them tomorrow and see what they suggest - Thank you

I've called them and they put me through to our local clinic and they are arranging an appointment to get him seen again before he starts school.

Their actual drop ins are closed til September now but they did specifically say he does need to be seen soon and at that appointment they will see about referring him to an Occupational therapist too.

Thanks for the advice

Excellent!