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What should I have said? <rant>

7 replies

MiladyDeSummer · 27/07/2010 20:46

My Dad's brother and his wife have come for their yearly visit from Spain (expats) and usually I enjoy the experience, get to play Daily Mail Bingo etc with their talk of immigrants bleeding the country dry / the Benefits Bill / Winter Fuel Allowance

This year DS has a diagnosis and is three. Apparently my parents had already said he is autistic before I arrived but when I got there I explained a bit about it, not too much as it's impossible to talk about the triad of impairments, social interaction, social communication as people glaze over.

Anyway it was fine, DS was fine, a bit nervous with them being there at first then stayed out of the way doing his own thing.

When they left the woman made a point of saying, "Goodbye DS" which was nice of her. He totally blanked her as he does and I patiently explained that he doesn't even do hello and goodbye to my parents who he has known for three years and sees twice a week, and how well he had done with strangers in a familiar place at all.

"Oh he's been fine, nothing wrong with him", says she. "He just ain't got no manners"

Of course I just gawped a bit then left the room as the red mist descended but I really wish I had said something.

It's always the way isn't it?

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5inthebed · 27/07/2010 20:56

How bloody rude......of her! She has no manners!

When DS2 was dx with autism, none of DH's family had ever heard of it, MIL still insists that he just needs some medication to be cured. It's a case of educating them with as much information as they will accept off you.

Thre is nothing you can do with ignorance though, other than keep the contact to a minimum

MiladyDeSummer · 27/07/2010 21:13

5inthebed our children will probably just grow out of it if these people are to be believed

Sorry to hear about your MIL, mine is lovely and amazingly clever but still finds it hard to take on board.

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IndigoBell · 27/07/2010 21:13

Over time it does get better. The family will see more of him and hear more gossip about him and start to realise that he's not fine.

But it does take a while, and it is very painful in the mean time. And in fact they'll probably always say the wrong thing, even when they are trying to be supportive.

Whooops - I think I'm talking about my own family here

saintlydamemrsturnip · 27/07/2010 21:16

Was there any chance she was joking? :desperately searches for a reason someone would say something so daft:

5inthebed · 27/07/2010 21:19

MDS, MIL is a bitch charmer. When Ds3 was born sh visited us in hospital, the first words out of her mouth were "Does he have autism then". . No, and all those months of us explaining ASD to you were clearly a waste of tim .

Sorry about that, she really annoys me.

How often do they see your DC? Could you maybe post/email her some information on ASD for next time they visit?

Spinkle · 27/07/2010 21:27

splutter

Should've ripped her face off.

MiladyDeSummer · 27/07/2010 21:33

Thankfully once a year and not at my house, we're not joining them for Sunday lunch now, she can work it out (or not)

Sorry saintly, no chance she was joking but I am revelling in the irony of her comment.

"AIBU to think niece's autistic son ain't got no matters?"

Indigo sorry to hear your family are like this too and 5inthebed I am gobsmacked at MIL's comment!

This is lovely though. I just raged on Facebook about it and had this reply:

"MDS, he will cope with the autism and move through life beautifully. The relative, however, is a hopeless case as I doubt her ignorance will improve. xx"

From someone I worked with ten years ago

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