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Every now and then I believe everyone is allowed a glass is half empty day

15 replies

TheArsenicCupCake · 27/07/2010 17:07

I don't do it normally.. Normally I am bright and smiley and I will and can achieve anything.. I normally agree that no matter what issues ds2 has or how they effect the family.. I am lucky as he has his health.

I know my life is not as bad as yours was.. And I should chin up and count my blessings.
You are however much I love you, a hard act to follow sometimes.

And today I want to be allowed to actually tell you how worried and tired I am... All the time.. I want to not feel guilty about not having any fight left.. Just for today.
I want to feel horrid that my nearly 12 year old, can't be left for five mins while I pop to the shop, or still has to hold my hand when crossing a road, or see that I've been balling my eyes out ( bless I looked like a moose and he said " mum you look like you might cry".. But was content with an " it's okay love I'm just a bit tired"... And didn't think any more of it.
I want a day to feel robbed that my beautiful boy won't / can't make friends and won't join in or go out and play unless I'm there.. And then he still won't play.

So I'm sorry if I upset you because I was sad and frustrated and angry.. I don't want you to make it better.. Or do anything... But if a silly plastic thing breaks, I know it's not a big issue.. But it was enough today.

( as you were folks.. Mind blow over)

OP posts:
TheArsenicCupCake · 27/07/2010 17:14

And ds2... I am very very proud that you looked at my face and had a guess.. You have been working really hard and your doing fabby!

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moosemama · 27/07/2010 17:30

I know you said you didn't want us to do anything, but I felt someone should at least acknowledge the place you are in today. Its is valid and you are allowed to feel like this sometimes. Its bloody hard.

and .. I know it's not terribly MN, but I am giving you a hug anyway - from one Moose to another.

TheArsenicCupCake · 27/07/2010 17:48

Cheers moose!

i needed to vent here before I call my folks and say sorry for upsetting them... My plastic smile is now firmly back on..

Tomorrow is another day...
< shares out green and black choccy>

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Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 17:57

Arsenic, well done for putting your Game Face back on.
Life can really be a bit shit at times, mine has just cocked up something he loved and isn't welcome any more. And he doesn't get it, that he's not allowed another go, to try and be better. They've just slammed the door shut on him. Bugger.
So my Game Face is in place and I'm thinking of alternatives. He's in his room, under his duvet raging. But he has to come out and face the world sometime, and I'll be shoulder to shoulder with him, holding his hand.
So I'm sitting with you, entitled to feel fed up and robbed and cheated of what others take for granted.

TheArsenicCupCake · 27/07/2010 19:01

Thank you goblin.. Will happily stand shoulder to shouler with you whilst you do it in RL

well I've made my call to make things better.. I agreed and left it at that... There is no point trying to explain.

I'm going to make sure the dc's are in bed and settled and dh and I are going to flump like hampsters on the sofa... If I can get ds2 out of the house tomorrow we are going swimming!

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Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 19:16

Onwards and upwards...
Tomorrow.
Or maybe Thursday.

SookieD · 27/07/2010 22:03

Jings. Just had a wee bubble to myself reading this. Sometimes you just need to be allowed to be sad - don't I know it. I'm more of a 'half empty' kind of gal so I find it a bit harder to pick myself up again but we've all got to get on with it I guess.

Al1son · 28/07/2010 09:36

I've got a 13 year old who won't go upstairs on her own never mind stay in the house alone for 5 mins. She holds my hand when we're out too. Usually it's fine. AS isn't the worst disorder to have by a long way and there are plenty of blessings to be counted - I love holding her hand whatever.

BUT I still have glass half full days now and then. Those are the days when the silly plastic thing breaking is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Have your glass half empty day and then square up to life and put your smile back on and we can all be glass half full girls together. Then you can help me work out how to persuade my 7 year old that the insurance co redecorating our hall stairs and landing after the leak is actually perfectly ok and will not ruin our whole house forever.

((((HUGS))))

sc13 · 28/07/2010 12:24

Arsenic, DS is 4, I can't imagine him being 6, let alone a teenager. But I just wanted to say that, personally, I look up to you and the other mums who have been doing this for longer and still manage a Game Face most of the time! You're like war veterans to us rookies

TheArsenicCupCake · 28/07/2010 15:17

Thank you all for listening to me moan yesterday ..

Having a much better day today.. Managed to get the dc's out to a quiet local beach this morning and did some great fossil hunting. ( took an dh and I two hours to get ds2 out of the house.. ).

I have no idea about the decorators coming in.. Wondering if chosing some art or something to go on the wall or giving her a canvass or camera to make some art for the newly decorated wall might allow her to feel a bit in control?

very kind to be looked up to ad a vetran. Some days I just feel more haggard!

thing really could be a lot worse.. AS mostly is really not that bad .. I look at ds and sometimes wonder who it's worse for him or us.. He knows no different, he is just him and I look at him and wonder how he keeps going everyday...
But sometimes I think it's my issue.. I'm the one who can get down about him still needing a hand held etc..
But on the bright side.. You know.. We celebrate a lot more for achievements that are day to day stuff for the other dc's.. But to ds they are massive!
So there are a lot of extra special moments to be had

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moosemama · 28/07/2010 16:17

Al1son, we have a similar problem with our dss' bedroom. Our roof leaked last winter - we've had it fixed and waited for everything to dry out and now the main wall in their room needs replastering.

Unfortunately ds1, who is 8 and has ASD, just will not countenance us doing anything to the decor. I wouldn't mind so much if it was nice, but we just painted over the woodchip that was there when we moved in and put up a Bang on the Door alphabet sticker and that was years ago.

He shares the room with his nt brother who is 6 and desperately wants to get rid of the 'babyish' decor. I have tried everything, spent hours showing him various wallpapers, paints, room stickers etc told him he can have whatever he wants and he basically says a) he doesn't want it replastered as it won't be the same or b) if he has to have it replastered, he wants more woodchip painted in the same vile yellow (think Birds custard) he chose last time (when he was 3 1/2) and the same aphabet stickers above the picture rail - honestly I despair!

He is just the same about his duvet cover, bought them both lovely matching vw camper duvet sets a while back, as they are both vw mad and we have a camper ourselves. No dice - he wants his old one, that he has had since he was in a cotbed and is now threadbare. He did at least let me put the vw curtains up though.

We are having an interesting holiday so far as I have one leg in a cast so we can't go anywhere. Dh has suggested we all go out for fish and chips when he comes home tonight (basically to get me out the house and attempt to save my sanity) but ds doesn't want to go out. He never wants to go out - unless its to his grandparents' house or the library. We are going anyway, but he will moan/complain and strop the entire time we are out, in which case, in reality, it would probably be easier and less stressful to stay in.

Why isn't there an emoticon for steam coming out of your ears?

Well, ds1 has just had a major meltdown as he thought his little brother was about to tell me about a filename he had used on his nintendo dsi. Ds2 wasn't even going to mention it, but when I did prise out of ds1 what the problem actually was, it was because the file name was a girl's name and he said he would get teased about it. I assumed it must be the name of a girl he likes at school for him to be that upset about it, but no, it turned out to be the name of one of the main characters in the game. So I have just spent over half an hour calming him down, talking him through it and explaining that nobody would tease him about it as not only would nobody else know what his filenames are, to use the name of a game character is fairly common and sensible to stop you forgetting it in future. Its seems funny in the abstract, but he was so worked up about it all.

Al1son · 28/07/2010 19:12

Well we have a large hole in the landing wall so it has to be done and soon. I'm a childminder so it has to be safe.

I will try to find some way to help her be involved in choosing or making something to go on the wall.

We don't have woodchip - it's anaglypta which was here when we moved in 10 years ago. I can't wait to get rid of it and won't be getting it replaced with anything similar.

She'll have a few weeks to get more used to the idea but it will probably be done the same week she starts back at school with 2 teachers and a TA who are all new to the school. That'll be an interesting week. She'll be having a neurodevelopmental assessment for AS then too!

TheArsenicCupCake · 28/07/2010 21:30

Ds1 and ds2 shared a bedroom at the moment as well and we also have an issue .. But with a Thomas the tank engine freeze that was here when we moved in and ds2 rather likes it... Hopefully that'll all be sorted when they have a room each ( but it won't be for a while yet).
Pahh to new teachers/ TAs and assesments.. Ewwww
we are also full on in September, new school, EP assesment and other meetings ( camhs.. if they get their finger out)... I swear they schedule these on purpose at the same time as going back to school! Grrr
so you have my empathy on that.

I am paying ds1 (15) to entertain dd tomorrow and ds2 no doubt will either be on the computer or collating his new collection of fossil photos that we gathered today... ( I hope) dh is back at work and I am seriously behind with a rush wedding job ( bride wants photos NOW but she also wants me to remove every tattoo showing in 70 pics!)
so ds1 can earn whislt I get on with it... And then I'm hoping mum has forgiven me enough to have ds2 and dd whilst I go do another shoot and meet a vicar!

Honestly life needs to slow down a bit or dh needs to stop working.

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TheArsenicCupCake · 28/07/2010 21:35

We don't claim dla at the moment as.. Well tbh I feel weird about it.. But I am seriously considering it to allow dh to take over with ds2 more and allow me to crack on with jobs.
Most of the time I can fit it all in but this summer has proved to be nuts.. And it doesn't seem to be slowing down at all... But if it suddenly does we could be stuffed.. Dla but no-one working.

I don't actually know what to do.

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Al1son · 28/07/2010 23:55

It sounds like you should apply for DLA. DD1 was just awarded middle rate care and low rate mobility until 2012.

It felt like the wrong thing to do until I actually sat down and completed the form. Then I realised just how much time I devote to mediating between DD1 and the world. It was quite a depressing process but I think I needed it to help me understand her needs better and recognise that I'm not bad at managing our lives - it is hard work caring for her. Not that anybody who doesn't live with her would have any idea of what it takes.

You could phone and get the forms sent to you at least. Then if you CAT me I can pass on the advice I had about what is relevant to include.

If you get it, it's because you're entitled to it and it could make your life easier.

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