the OH - what to do

[takemesomewheresunny]

We have communication lock down.

The OH has seen the dx - HFA. But still says i worry to much (well probably do) and that his doing well, so let it be.

Ds is doing well, he has a few quirks, no awareness of personal space, absent minded, needs to hit out, does not like loud noise, needs to be in control, routines, basically the obvious reasons as to why you get a dx.

OH just does not get it, or try to. Ds does things, OH gets annoyed ds gets into trouble etc. It lots of little things as well, like ds stims, i let him do them, OH dosen't - mixed messages.

I think things will only get harder esp as school starting, I think ds will cope, but make home life harder, due to coping all day.

He will not read books, or talk about, and i do not know what to do. I don't want ds to feel anxious at home, he will have enough of that elsewhere.

Do not mean to paint bad picture of OH, he is fab, in loads of ways, but he thinks i hoodwinked the paed, as i want ds to be ASC .

I think it takes a little longer for it to sink in (for men), i often argue with dh because he feels i let the dd's get away with too much by blaming it on their Autism . Dh is great with the girls but does not read up on ASD, doesn't come to appointments and has nothing to do with school's or nursery. Luckily i'm with the dd's 99% of the time, dh hardly gets time on his own with them (as he's working and i'm a SAHM).

It took my dp a while to realise ds's autism was a problem.
He was non-verbal, still in nappies, unresponsive and prone to violent outbursts. About 2 years after dx (ds 5) he saw him with my cousins daughter who is a year younger and it started to sink in that our quirky little boy had something wrong with him.
Now ds is 11 and dp has visited his school several times and he has a much better grasp of autism. I think the early years post dx where dp was working and I was struggling meant dp could shut himself away and blame me for not coping.
I've heard that a lot of dads struggle with disabilities at first and they can often take a while to come to grips with it. Give him time and he will see what you see.

I think it takes longer for it to sink in with blokes.

I think maybe you could find a one of ds's peers and get them to 'play' (inasmuch a ASD can) together in front of OH and then maybe he would see for himself the differences.

The stims are hard work for people to understand but once OH realises why your lad does them then he will be more tolerant of them. If your DS has been reasonable all day then 'allowing' some stim time to chill out seems only fair.

Sorry you've had to deal with that, Leonie. I think most of us can recognise that feeling of not being believed.

I'd agree with Spinkle and say that it's easier to see the differences when you put them alongside another child of the same age.

I don't always see DS' problems myself, he's an only child and so isolated now that he doesn't spend much time with other children except at school. I was really surprised when I saw him in school at the end of term, completely separated from the other children and behaving completely differently. I'd been told all of this was happening but actually seeing it really made it sink in.