Parties

[neolara]

I was after a bit of advice from those of you who have a child with ASD.

My dd recently had her 6th birthday party and invited a child in her class who she is friendly with who has ASD.

It was quite a wild party - lots of kids, lots of running around, some structured games. The child with ASD, (who I don't really know as he has never visited before, but who seems a very dear little boy) seemed to find it pretty stressful. He was tearful quite a lot of the time. I can see how it could have been pretty difficult for him (unknown environment, games he might not know how to play, lots of change etc).

I wondered in future what would be the best way to support him in the same kind of situation. While I would have liked to have spent more time reassuring him, I had 15 other guests to sort out and it just wasn't a go-er. Do you think I should have asked him Mum to stay? Or got another adult in specifically to look after him?

I wish all the parents in my daughter's school were like you!

I think the best think might be to talk to this little boy's mum about what she thinks would help him most. Children with ASD vary widely in their difficulties so it would be very hard to advise you on here.

Being thoughtful about his needs is a really good start though - you are a good person.

I owuld have been over the moon to have received the invite for dd1!

Agree with Al1son that there are so many differences that it would be hard to advise.

Also agree talk to the mum. there are rarely things that cannot be got over/around with good planning.

Some things I might like to know, for dd1, would be - what games were you going to play, would music be loud, would there be access to eg an outside area where she could go (with me- at this age I would have been asking you if it was ok if I stayed!) to run around away form the noise for a bit.

My dd1 also comes with food issues - both dietary restrictions and foods that offend her - again, it would have been useul to me to know what foods would be there so that I could make her up a similar party box so she didn't feel left out.

did the little boy know all the guests? are they all aware of his issues? i might have asked a couple of them (that he was most friendly with) to help him a bit by explaining games etc, and making him feel welcome and included (although this could well backfire if what he wanted was peace and alone time!)

I would just like to say (and I hope it doesn't sound patronising) - thank you for inviting this boy. a lot of the time, children with extra needs are overlooked for parties, presumably because they are too hard to accommodate.

Gosh - after my own thread today about a party which all the other children in preschool are invited too except DS this is a refreshing change.

Agreed. I wish more people were like you neolara.

I think an 'escape area' is a must for an ASD kid at a party. Just somewhere they can have a bit of space to themselves and can dip in and out.

I went to a staff leaving lunch today at my school with my ASD DS. He had access to the KS1 area and managed really nicely and could come and go as he pleased. In fact, some staff there who had taught him previously said how well he had done.

I got to have a 'proud mummy' moment . WOW!

I have a son who is just 8 with probable Aspergers, he doesn't get invited to many parties (well only ones where I am friends with the parents). He gets very anxious about joining in games as he worries about losing, but also that he won't be 'doing it right' so he just sits and watches the other children, often hidden behind a chair if he can be.
He has once tried to join in with musical statues and the very first time the person watching, asked him if he was joining in. Of course he answered yes, so was out for moving. He was desperately upset and didn't join in anything else for the whole party. I guess this is an example of what not to do!

I took my DS to a party and he was really excited and ran into the room. Unfortunately, the dad blew a vuvuzela (not sure on spelling) at that moment, and that was it, off we went into the car park and home. There was a bit too much going on for him and he couldn't process it and a quiet area would have been ideal. Never mind. bloomin' vuvuzelas.