Anyone else worry....

[eidsvold]

Does anyone else find themselves worrying over their NT children? I feel like I expect so much more ( in different ways) of dd2. I am watching her like a hawk - am concerned about her growth etc ( well only when I plotted on the growth charts....) ON that point - she is happy, healthy and so on - but not the big babe she was when she was born - and with dd1 have down syndrome we have nothing to compare iyswim.Dh seems concerned about her development BUT i feel we are being somewhat unrealistic. In looking at the 'typical' development - she is on track for most of it - just not the pulling up to stand stuff!!!

I feel guilty that she sometimes seems to spend so much time in the pram - when we are at therapy ( and were at playgroup) or things like that for dd1 - where I can't have her out and crawling about. I try to get her crawling around and exploring the house... just feel like I am not doing enough to encourage her - but feel like I don't know where to start.

I would love another baby but this is what holds me back. I know I would be totally neurotic even if I had a textbook baby.

Sometimes I will let my mind wander and decide that we will definetly try next year, but then the doubts start creeping in. What if this baby isn't NT? How will I cope? What if this baby is NT? Will I ever stop worrying that no.2 will start to have problems like no.1 has?

The thing that worries me the most is the next baby's head shape. DS was born with plagio (odd shaped head) and we didn't know there was treatment for it until it was too late. We now just have to hope that it will get better as he gets older. It's highly likely that no.2 would also have plagio as I have an odd shaped uterus which causes it. What would I do if no.2 did have it? The treatment involves wearing a helmet for 23 hours a day for approx 3 months. How would DS feel about us getting the treatment for his sibling but not for him? And what if no.2 didn't have plagio? Would I spend all day comparing their head shapes and feeling sad?

Sorry eidsvold - I hope I haven't made you feel worse. It's great that both your girls are happy and I'm sure DD2 isn't really missing out.

eidsvold- I am miss paranoia about ds3- just waiting for the pointing.... then I'll relax...

Well Eidsvold, if she doesn't have any "issues" then no amount of being in the pram while DS1 has therapy etc is going to harm her. I was totally in knots about DD until she was 2 and now don't worry at all even though she is a bit late with her talking, she's so blimmin clever! I can't believe what NT children do without being taught, and even then DS doesn't do half the things we've taught him
Deciding WHETHER to have another is a totally different issue though. For us we got to a point where we were prepared to take the risk. I suppose Jenkins88, the good thing is that you DO know about treatment if you did have another with Plagio and there's a chance you won't. THe only thing I can say from my personal experience is, when you're ready to take all those risks and manage all the potential difficulties, then you're ready. Just like parents of NT children only magnified (as usual )

jenkins - we had always said we would have more than one child - in spite of all we went through with dd1. We never wanted her to be an only child. So we were in the process of emigrating to Australia when I fell pregnant - and whilst it was not planned we were ecstatic. We were going to start when we got to Australia but I figured being the old folks that dh and I were it would probably take a while. Nope - first time lucky!!

Our 20 week scan showed a soft marker for down syndrome and we decided on no further testing and figured we knew what to do with Down syndrome - we knew what support etc was out there and we would deal with it - if if happened. As it happened dd2 was not born with Down syndrome.

I'm with you Davros though - it constantly amazes me how dd2 just does things......

yep NT kids are weird- they just know don't they. Spent the first few years with ds2 with my jaw on the floor thinking I never knew children did that. Suddenly I understood why people used to say to me about ds1 "when he sees the other children do it he'll copy" oh ho ho ho. I can't really think of anything ds1 has done without being actively taught (and then agreed davros half the time he won't do it) whereas I can't remember actually having to teach ds2 anything.

It really is amazing Jimjams - today dd2 is sitting in the car clapping when we pulled up at a friend's house!!! Her first word mama... the other day. She just copies dd1's noises and she just started crawling around one day. It does seem strange not having to invest time and energy into signing and therapy for children to communicate, develop etc.