Does everyone misunderstand or am I paranoid?

[woolytree]

We are on the roller coaster of getting DD diagnosed ASD or AS, shes 4.5 and starting school in Sept. As we wont see combined clinic till at least August...and have been waiting since last Dec. Its been emotional but we have researched, observed, cried and feel we understand DD a bit better.

My worry at the moment is if I try to broach the subject with other mums, some of my close friends or even friends of my family...who ask about it...I get comments like;

Isnt that age appropriate anyway?
Dont all kids do that?
All kids have obsessions....weird habits.

Im getting quite fed up with trying to get people to understand, mainly because she doesnt look any different but they dont know her. Even her nursery teacher didnt quite get it...until we went to meet with her, the inclusion teacher, SENCo, her new teacher and us. They finally got a glimpse into her world and understood the impact things have on her. It was a huge reassurance for sept....but I cant make anyone else get it! GGGGRRRRRR!

I feel like they look at me like Im a liar or attention seeking!

Frustrated!...rant over.

god, i hate platitudes.

i can totally sympathise. we get crap like that all the time.

my husbands family were really bad, after a year and a half they are getting a bit better now.

on the other hand my brothers wife is a nursery nurse, and revealed afterwards that they thought there was something wrong.

but i know, a bit of empathy for what you're going through would be helpful, and not useless nonsense.

good luck. my rant over too!

In general, they completely misunderstand what is going on and what her world and therefore your world are really like. That's why we come onto the special needs boards to talk to other people who get it. . And to rant .

I'm sure many of the people who try to disagree with the diagnosis will think they are being helpful. Even my mum seems to dismiss ds2's behaviour with 'well of course he's very bright' and the school are always using his age as an excuse 'well, he's young for his year'. Why do they do that? Maybe they want you to feel that your child is not so 'different' after all, when of course they are. Maybe you can go overboard on what a positive thing it is for the family and then they won't think you need that reassurance?

good luck anyway and hello

I do think maybe they are...sometimes...trying to be nice and say dont worry my kid does weird stuff but my mind goes into paranoid overdrive!

My mum has done loads of research and really gets it.....she also noticed issues but didnt speak up, DHs mum simply says well I was weird as a kid shel be fine! lol.

Im just going to turn into mean mummy and brag at just how clever she is! MWHAHAHAHA!

Yes, I think this is perfectly normal. Most people downplay DS's difficulties (to my face) most of the time. (I have a strong feeling they bitch like hell behind my back at the school gate though...)

My parents always say 'at least he doesn't look disabled'. Grrrrr. They totally don't get how disabled he is - and then they go on at us about why don't we teach him to use a knife and fork and other helpful things like that.

So, now I'm only really friends with other Mums of SN kids. Mums of NT kids just don't get it.

omg It's not only me!! people especially my mother drive me crazy!! I am with my son 247 and I could see early on there was something not right. Tell you wot I'm glad didnt listen to any of them I researched all my worries on the net and then got as much info and common sense to try to help my son. The difference in the last 6months with the intensive teaching and stopping things before they start, has worked wonders. he still has along way to go but only for my friend (who's nephew went through hell until the age 19!! before being diagnosed) said to me if people would have listened when he was a toddler most of the things can be reversed. Why are people so pig headed!!!!!!!!!! nobody wants to label there child but when there is something wrong it doesnt help when people treat you like your overeacting.

Know exactly what you mean. Ds having ados test soon (suspected AS) and sil says - he can't have that-that's really severe. Said that because she knows someone whose ds has AS.Have tried telling her everyones different but it doesn't sink in!

Thanks everyone...I am not insane!

when I mentioned to MIL that Aspergers had been mentioned I got a DON'T YOU EVER MENTIO N THAT AGAIN.

that's that then. you are not alone

You 're not alone, and you are definately not insane.

I get people commenting about DS all the time. Family and friends alike. It drives me up the wall and upsets me too.

I've had comments like 'but he looks so normal!'; 'oh but he can look at people'; 'just wait a few years, he'll grow out of it'; 'oh my ds does that too! all kids have quirks',.....etc the list is long.

Why do we get comments like that???

1. people who don't know ASD have very stereoptyped ideas about autism, and their ignorance is often due to a lack of knowledge. (still very frustrating for us parents though!)
2. they don't live with our dc so don't get to see or manage half of the behaviours, WE do!!

I'm trying to grow a tick skin but it's slow growing...

Sorry, tick??? thick skin.

Feeling better already!
Will keep you all posted about diagnosis....then shove it in their faces!