schools... is this par for the course?

[thisisyesterday]

ds1 started in reception last year. around october we were asked to come and talk about his behaviour

we raised some concerns we had ourselves, and were told that the senco would observe him, and they'd just put it down to "settling in" but let us know if there were further problems

thankfully his behaviour since then has been pretty good, he has settled in fairly well, tho there are certain things he struggles with still

we DO feel that there may be something else going on.
i spoke to the GP about my concerns earlier this year and she said that she would phone the school and get them to refer him for some sort of assessment, she said that based on what I had said she was willing to write a supporting letter

the headmistress then said she'd like to talk to us before taking it further, which we duly did
she was fairly dismissive and a bit "oh, lots of children are liek that..." about most of the things we said. she said she wanted to wait until this september, but I insisted we get the ball rolling now because if there is a problem i want him to get the support he needs asap, not wait for him to struggle

she agreed..... 4 weeks later still nothing!

i am rapidly losing faith in the school, which is a shame because i loved it when he started there. but the fact they don't take me seriously, and say they'll do things and don't just makes me feel they don't care about him at all...

so is this normal? to have to fight tooth and nail to get your child the help they need???
is there anything else i can do?
can the GP refer if i insist on it?

Yes, it is par for the course.
No, you don't have to just 'take it'.

Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Take a list of your concerns with you, with specific examples.

As lougle has said it's very par for the course.

Follow your mum instinct and push like he'll to get want you need... Then organise them and push some more.. Mix in a thick determined skin and a no rubbish attitude and your pretty much there.

thanks for the replies.

today we had home from school this "home school agreement" which sets out how they expect children to behave, how they'd like parents to support them and how they, in turn, will support the children

one bit was about ensuring all children's individual requirements were met.

HA!

it really pissed me off. I don't like/want to be the pushy mum who is always in there demanding. but I guess I'll have to.

makes me want to take him out and HE him!!! not that that would help me getting him assessed, but y;know
i think he does ok at school because he likes the structured day. i know he struggles with things though and the other day he told me that he tells himself "ds1 don't cry, ds1 don't cry" when things are upsetting him

I think I will go back to the GP, and use the summer holidays as the excuse as to why we aren't going through the school and see if she'll do the referral, she was very nice when i saw her before

I agree. Schools are very quick to dismiss us as anxious mums, and don't really seem to notice our kids as much as we'd hope they would....

Talk to the GP again and get a referral to the paed. By the time the appointment rolls around school might have noticed something...

Good luck.

thanks. it's nice to know it isn't just our school.... although, not nice that all schools are like this iyswim!!!

Educational Psychologists often work through the summer - and parents can contact the ep service direct usually (though they will try to fob you off - so check your facts first) - you can then be on the list to be seen when he is back at school.
As I say find the ep section on your borough or healthservice website - and check who can refer.
You;ll also need to establish which Ep is attached to your child's school.
That'll give the HT a surprise when she gets back from her hols

diplomacy and tact are v. important when dealing with school as you need their support if the child doesn't have a statement BUT you must not give them the impression that you can just be fobbed off or ignored - or you will be IYSWIM.

GP also v. good avenue to go down as suggested by others - you may get referred to paediatrician. Our paed is the only professional who doesn't seem to have someone or sometghing holding him back from being helpful.

I heart our paed.

Let us know how you get on.

it is im afraid, I was lucky and used to be on placement at the pre-school my DS was in so maaged to talk and push the people 'in a nice way' but it still took orever (and for other parents to start complaining) for anything productive to start happening.

I agree you should go to doctorr and ask for a referral to a paed, I have done that....but I'm still waiting for anything to come of it! It's a long long waiting game, and we have only just started so I'm assuming we need to top up on patience and 'fight' lol

gosh they don't want you to find that info do they? it has taken me about 25 minutes of googling and trawling through local authority websites to find any contact details/info about local EP service!

Will give them a ring in a bit

when i see the GP is it a paed referral I am after?

Yes - that's right.

SN makes you into a 'pushy mum' - I never wanted to be one (being a teacher myself and so know how you are perceived) but at the end of the day - am I going to let my kid down because I'm worried about people think of me? Nah. He's too important.

Best of luck.

Hi, everyone here is so right, you just have to push, and fight until you get the responce that you need. The system will fob you off at every given opportunity. Ask your GP for a referal, and get the name of the Consultant/Ed Psyc/Paediatrician that you are going to see, then phone their sectretary at the hospital/clinic to see how long a wait to expect, and to let them know how concerned you are, and how much at a loss you feel to do anything about it.[I know this sounds like a mad mother moment, but I have a son with a rare genetic disorder, and its been the best way to actually GET THINGS DONE, when you are p*ed off with no one listening!! It can even get you seen sooner!]
You can also get the ball rolling for a Statement yourself independantly of the school, if you think this is a route you need to take too. Contact the SEN team at your local County Hall and ask them to send you the information.
Having the info upfront is allways a more powerful postion to be in, as in my experience [ and to be fair its not been a good one], schools are not keen to tell you things first as they prefer to be in control, that can just make you more anxcious where by if you know what your child is legally entitled to, to gain Access to Education [Human Rights Act 1998] - see section 11:11 Disability Discrimination Act code of Practise for Schools.
I've just read this back and its a bit of a militant rage but without becoming strong and stroppy nothing gets done and you get left by the wayside.
It seems if you have a child with SEN, you too have to get a thick skin, get a massive understanding of their condition or difficulties, and get a big helping of support from others who understand alongside a sence of humour and a MASSIVE glass of wine in the evening afterwards!!

Just hiding under a tin hat, but sometimes children do things as a result of immaturity and that is probably why the Head said wait until September. I think everyone else here has galloped on several stages. I do not know your child and you might be quite right and he might have a real problem, but I can see where the school are coming from.
What was his Foundation Stage Profile like (or whatever they call it now) Did it highlight particular areas of weakness? What about his end of year report?
Was there a big difference in how school perceive DS and how you see him?

I see your point, but as it took us a year to finaly get a Statement for our son I totally understand the need to get things moving. Our son is now struggling to regain lost ground at school [ he goes into year 2 in September] I often think about how much further on he could be if the process hadn't taken so long. [We had requested it to start at the beginging of FS.]
The investigations can come back with a 'very young still, give him time' type answer, but again they could come back with a 'there is a need for diagnosis and support' one, at least by starting the process you have all basis covered.

Actually I agree with happycamper..

Sometimes ( as in our case) being told your dc is a bit immature but they see this quite often etc etc can delay getting any help as you may toddle along waiting for maturity to hit.

It's a very fine line of trying to go along with the school .. And yelling when there really is a problem.. In our case I was very naieve ( sp) and let the scho call the shots until it was desperately apparent that actually there was a massive issue.. By then it was very hard work to get to where we are now.. And ds could have had an easier time of it, had he been supported.

If only I knew then what I know now.. Which is why I think we have a tendancy to jump ahead a bit.

Sooty there was supposed to be a however after I agree. ( I'm tired lol)

Sorry .. Not sooty.. Omg i need coffee!

....and I've just had a rant on the Primary Education 'talk board' at some [I'm sure very lovely, if condesending] mother complaining that her very able,bright,well behaved,angel of a child is constantly being left out of the 'well done' stakes because it's the SEN children who get all the praise and stickers for being 'good' when in her valued opinion they obviously are anything but. AHHHH!!! I invited her to take a look at some of the threads here, and then put the same message up. What do think, shall we see her here at all?!!!!

I think schools do often say 'wait and see' partly because children do change in suprising ways and partly because they are procrastinating.

But I do want to say that schools often don't do what they say, or keep you hanging on for ages not because they are against you or only in it for themselves or incompetent but because they are very, very busy. We as parents have little idea of all the calls on their time.

For instance I was a bit peeved because someone at school was supposed to phone me about something on a particular day, found out later quite by chance it was because this person had had to spend the whole day dealing with a family who had just turned up at the school because they were fleeing an extremely dangerous violent father. That kind of puts it into perspective.

As madsadlibrarian said, diplomacy and tact are really important, and whatever you can do yourself, do. Keep on going but at all times smile, acknowledge what the school does do and be nice about that, but keep on going. Think of yourself as a velvet steamroller: unstoppable, but soft on the outside.

And, yes, get your GP to refer you to Paed.

well, he hasn't had a report and we've had no parents evening as his regular teacher went on long-term sick, and eventually left and they've since had 2 different supply teachers

he behaves at school. he has made a friend. the other children like him but he tends to focus on ONE person who then becomes his "best friend in - this is one of the things that concerns us

a lot of the other things that to me indicate there could be something more than just immaturity don't result in bad behaviour, which is all the school seem to care about.

for example, he can watch a film once or twice and then start quoting big chunks of it verbatim, or throw them into a conversation in context.

these aren't necessarily things the school will pick up on, they seem to think that as long as he is behaving himself he is fine

i am absolutely ok with being told he is just immature! really I am, but I just want someone who knows what they are talking about to tell me that you know? not his headteacher who has met him a handful of times.
I feel like I am in a place where when he is being difficuolt at home i feel there is definitely a problem, and when we get times when he's just a joy i feel like maybe I am over-reacting and I need an answer

I spoke to a friend who works with autistic children, and another friend who is a specialist camhs nurse, both of whom said that on paper he presents as typical aspergers, however both did say that it could just be that he is behind with his emotional/social development

certainly any issues he does have are mild right now, but then reception is pretty laid back isn't it? I don't want to wait until he is in yr1 or yr 2 or whatever and he is struggling before we finally make a decision to get him assessed.
i'm his parent, i know him better than anyone and i am saying i think something isn't quite right here... but no-one seems to want to help me

You should have had a report and at least one parents evening. I would be on to the Head (and Governors) about that because you are entitled to know how your child is doing at school. Having temporary teachers isn't an excuse. The Head is still obliged to make the information available to you.
I had two terms off sick, once for Maternity leave, and once for a major op, and the supply teacher did parents evenings as I would have had to have done.