Its not rudeness its social communication diffuculty

[pigletmania]

Thats what the SALT has said that my dd 3.4 years has. I am relieved tbh that we know what it is and how she can be helped. For ages dh and I kept thinking that dd will get there, her communication will come in time, and was why she was not like the other children of her age that we know who are wonderful communicators and can talk to anyone. I was so worried that she was being rude and that people will judge us for being bad parents, not teaching dd to reciprocate communication when somebody talks to her. By we have tried but its good finally that she and we too can get some help.

Anybody else out there with a child who has this?

Social communication difficulty can sometimes be professional-code for "We think it might be a touch of Autism". Ask her outright if she thinks your daughter should be assessed.

As for teaching social communication, it can be done, it's just a bit grueling, ie "Ds1, Mrs X just said 'Goodbye' to you, and that means that it's the end of the conversation now. Say goodbye back to her."

Well I did ask the SALT and she said that we all might have some autistic traits within us, I dont think she thought it was that, just something preventing her from communicating with other people. She tries to socialise with other children but does not know how to instigate interaction and cues that we would use to get to know someone.

Her nursery is sending the Ed Psych next term to assess her needs and see how nursery can help her.

I think that she is just so introverted and mabey shy. The SALT is sending us on a 15 week course called 'More than Words' and will intermingle that with sessions for dd too. She is fine in all other areas of development just social interaction. DD is very loving and affectionate especially to those she knows, strangers or people she does not see often its a different story.

Well the Ed Psych is going to see her and see what happens. I am from a psychology background and dont think that its Autism, she does want to interact with children but does not know how to do it. I was not a good communicator at her age and my dh is very shy to the point he can seem aloof in a social setting. I I agree with the troublewithtalk, I believe that SCD can exist without an Autism diagnosis. DD is hitting all her other milestones on time, but its her social communication which needs a bit of work.

She talks about a certain girl in class which she likes but she does not know how to interact, say asking the girl her name, and if she would like to play all those kind of things.

pigletmania, just wanted to point something out. My DS has Asperger's Syndrome. He has no developmental delays (quite the opposite in fact - walked and talked and learned to read early, very academically able). He also has good eye contact, a good sense of humour and lots of other supposedly non-autistic traits. However, he struggles with social communication to a very high degree. He can come across as rude or poorly-disciplined. His issues with social communication have become more pronounced the further through the education system he has gone.

What I am trying to say is, although your child may not be on the spectrum (and I would never even dream of arguing otherwise - parents usually know best in my opinion), it is worth getting proper assessment and certainly a second opinion on these things. taking at face value the opinion of one professional isn't enough to diagnose or rule out. And really, a Paed and/or multi-disciplinary team should make (or rule out) any diagnosis, not a SALT working alone.

Good luck.

Thanks Reasonable, the Ed Psych is going to see her when the new term starts. It might be Aspergers, will keep an open mind about it and see what she says. Of course we will accept all the help that is offered. The other day I did see her trying to say hello to some kids in her class at drop off, but she can be as quiet as a doormouse.

Good luck with it all troublewithtalk. DD is only 3.4 so I do feel it is a little young, especially as most of the children in her class are 4 and over, some even 5,of course her communication is going to be that good. I am in two minds, I dont want to make my mind up yet, she is seeing the Ed Psych and if there are any problems I am sure that they will recommend he to see a Paed. I personally think that with the right intervention dd can improve, there is hope.

I just dont want to jump the gun too soon at the moment.

I do agree with the troublewithtalk, the earlier that they help dd the better. Sounds like my dd, she just does not know how to communicate with other people/children, she wants to .

just popping in to say that, whilst I appreciate what you are saying re differences between sli/asd etc, I wouldn't base the "no, definitely not asd" on a desire to communicate.

my dd1 is ASD. very definitely so. but she has, since the age of about 18 months old, had a huge desire to interact and play with others - both children and adults. she just doesn't know how to (mostly due to her langugae delay, which is severe)

but the fact remains she is ASD.

I hope you all get the help and support you are wanting for your dc, and that no one feels pushed into an incorrect dx.

but saying "not ASD because the desire to communicate is there" is just as wrong as saying "can't be asd because eye contact is good"

FWIW, dd1 is also extremely adept at recognising and noting emotions and expressions. she is able to read non-verbal communication very well, and is highly skilled at reading social situations.

sorry, posted too soon.

meant to say, this whole field can be a nightmare to dx, as so much of it can overlap.

the main thing is you are aware of difficulties, and seeking help and support.

Sorry what is ASD and SLI btw. The SALT is coming to dd nursery next week to assess her there and Ed Psych next term as its nearly the end of term now and the school want to wait until September. We will just wait and see what they say and help they offer. Thanks everyone for your great support and advice really helps.

asd is autism spectrum disorder
sli is specific language impairment (I think!)

you know you don't have to wait unitl next term if you don't want to? it iwll only delay things further if your dd does have difficulties.

you could request that the Ed Psych sees her over the summer at home, as a preliminary (it is possible - I insisted for my dd as didn't want to wait an extra couple of months before professionals even thought about putting help into place...)

Thanks very silverfrog might do that.

My son also has Aspergers. What you decribe in you child is like listening to a description of my child. Schools don't understand what AS is all about... Here is a website that offers a wealth of information about this unique syndrome: www.aane.org

Asperger's Association of New England.

There are so many helpful pamphlets for parents, family, teachers, caregivers & even emergency personelle. It helps these people in our children's lives understand them better and how to help, not hinder, their growth to be all they can be! Hope this helps...

Sinserely,

lizzie

I also wanted to add, a social skills group for children with communication problems, like AS, is extremely helpful. They are offered here through therapists. Not sure if it's the same ' over the pond ' ?? I'm still trying to get my son to warm up to the idea. He is anxious when it comes to social situations. I know video games are not the best thing for kids but my son loves his xbox! He gets online with more friends than he is comforatable in person at one time...I call it ' Social Skills 101' ! : ). It is a stepping stone that he's taking before an actual group setting. Works for him and it's better than nothing at all.

One day at a time...

Have a great day everyone!

lizzie

Thanks Lizzy, I guess its a bit of a shock really, you want to think that there is nothing wrong but really that may not be the case.