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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

As a mother do you feel you carry the weight of ad issues?

17 replies

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 19:32

ad = additional needs.

What role does your dh take? Are things ever fraught due to his misunderstanding? Tell me all!

OP posts:

jjones · 10/07/2010 19:36

My dh has taken on a bit more of the housework which to be honest is really not worth the hassle becaue Ieither have to do it again or he moans about it.
I efocarry the weight of my dcs additional needs as dh doesn't even know what a statement is.

Original poster

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 19:37

god I've clearly had a glass of wine it should be an=add needs!

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/07/2010 19:43

no, and I would hate to feel that way.

My husband has his faults! but he is 100% there for the kids and fights for them and is actually better with them than I am a lot of the time.

He goes to all the reviews, as many of the appts as he can and is very vocal when it comes to how our children should be supported.

he's also not afraid to tell people exactly what he thinks of them if he feels they're letting the kids down.

sumum · 10/07/2010 19:45

I so feel your pain, love my dh to bits (good job really) but he hasn't even read the school reports given out yesterday in which ds is quite behind.

I make all decsions and sort out all paperwork.

he changes a smelly nappy well though

Original poster

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 19:47

I am upset for the first time over this. He can't understand why.

I mean he is great with ds, loves him.

But thinks I'm crazy to be upset about this stuff. Says it could be worse.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/07/2010 19:55

what is it you are upset about, exactly? What's happened?

Original poster

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 19:56

yes easier to keep to one thread.

Here

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/07/2010 20:01

ah. thanks. sorry you're feeling low about it.

fwiw, I tend to find that rather than making things worse, explaining about their needs can make a positive difference as the other kids do for some reason make more of an effort once they understand that this child needs their support.

oh, and you're not a crap mum!

Original poster

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 20:06

oh no I didn't think that I was a crap mum others might!

I've made a herculean effort to help ds.

I've just felt a bit alone recently while doing so.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/07/2010 20:10

oh. good. misunderstood, sorry.

what support do you want from your husband that you feel is lacking now? Or is it that you want him to have the same perspective on things that you do and because he doesn't, you feel he doesn't understand the situation?

I only ask because I tend to be like that about things

Original poster

BongeddyBong · 10/07/2010 20:16

I had a little cry over the crappiness. He is fine! He is absolutely fine and happy.

I was raging. Thinking this an stuff is hard. The thought that other women might not want to be near one's family because of the an (and an is so much better than sn, anyway). No one knows, but if they did they would all shunt sideways. The buggers (and yes they are mostly very nice and pleasant, but they are achievers and want their children to be etc)

But I admit it has mostly passed.

I wondered if others' dhs felt blue over it all sometimes. If they felt the judging from others as women can be prone to feel - Although well done for not!

OP posts:

Marne · 10/07/2010 21:02

Dh works (apparently that's his way of helping), he only works part time , he does do house work (actually he is obsessed with the house work).

I would like dh to come to appointments and meetings (i know sometimes its not possible). I would like him to do more with the girls (if i leave him with them he tends to stick them in front of the TV while he cleans the house). Dh has no idea what is going on with dd2, he does'nt know what a statement is or what OT stands for.

Last week i went to the GP because i was feeling so run down, i asked for help from the HV and i asked for medication, when i told DH he asked 'why?' .

IndigoBell · 10/07/2010 22:09

Yes, I wish DH would 'take more of an interest'. I do all the research, I understand what the kids diagnosis mean and do all the research on what treatments we should be trying next.

He gets emabarassed when DS has a meltdown, and won't take him to the hairdressers...

But he's brilliant at the moment. Recently he has become a stay at home dad, and is now brilliant it getting titbits out of the school.

Ilona33 · 11/07/2010 07:38

Like the all of you Im in the same boat. Most of the work on my shoulder. Hubby goes to work, so he doesnt get how hard it is every day. When he comes home he spends an hour with daughter ( bedtime routine) and moans at me if Im less patient. Well Id like to see him manage everyday! When hes at work hes mind is detached from all of this, so he doesnt get it. Recently we went to a meeting with senco and specialist health visitor. Of course he just sat there ( for the first time) and I did the talking, questioning. Both ladies noticed hes not seem to be involved as much as he should. Hes comment of the meeting was: They think Im not involved with her much. Well, hello?!
I feel everything is on my shoulder. I have to deal with daughters behaviour, take care of her when shes sick, get to meetings, make appointments, deal with meltdowns and of course do housework, and be a good wife. How much does he think one person can take?

Unfortunately my family lives too far to help and although his parents are retired they pretty useless. There`s no way I could ask them to look after her for 2 hours, so I could have a hair appointment, etc.

littlefirefly · 11/07/2010 08:25

I'm a single parent and DS has never had any contact with his father. I've always taken single parenthood in my stride but it's really since DS was dxd that I feel more isolated with the full weight of responsibility on my shoulders.

The impact of any decisions you make are magnified - school choice, making complaints, being proactive with professionals. I would love to have had someone coming to meetings, school visits and just to discuss the options over with someone else.

The flip side is that I've had control over all the decisions like seeking dx, going to tribunal etc. It would all be more difficult if I had a DH who wasn't on board and actively disagreed with any of that.

Minx179 · 11/07/2010 18:38

My husband isn't really interested either. Over the years have had they're [insert profession] know what they're talking about!

It was only when I started uni and began coming home with books and saying 'look, they're saying what I've been saying for years' that I felt he started getting on board. Though his interest is still limited.

My parents and in laws are just as bad, complete lack of understanding.

dounutbrain · 11/07/2010 20:51

Oh thats made me feel a bit better I just thought it was my dh that took no interest in all that stuff.
He looks like his falling asleep when I tell him what the pyhsio or O/T or S/T has said it drives me mad.
And yes we are now going down the statement route and he didnt help at all with the form.

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