DS is 6 and school starting to indicate a learning difficulty...i'm confused. Can you help?

[robin3]

DS1 is 6.5 yrs old. He goes to a private boys school and is in a small class with two teachers. This past year many of the boys have also had extra teaching on the basics. We chose the school because of the facilities not because we want to hothouse our boys or need them to get straight A's.

I guess for a while now I've felt some pressure from the school to practice a little and often with him on the core areas. So this is in addition to reading a small book every night, repetition in maths, words etc. I'm also conscious that my son is aware that he is not the cleverest in the class and the school makes an effort to mix classes and mix seating within the class to avoid children grouping together too much...but his self-image at 6 on this front is making me concerned.

His reading has progressed well this year and he's now reading level 4 of the Biff and Chip books but still having to sound out repeat words in some cases and he often reverses words like 'no' becomes 'on'. With numbers he still seems to struggle with sequence so 99, 85. He also often writes numbers back to front so 7 is reversed. The teacher (who is lovely) has said that he has progressed further than she thought he would this year. She also says that he's very mature and is a conscientious leader in the group and thankfully he seems really good at sport and music.

My youngest son is nearly 4 and already speeding ahead with sounds and words. Typically as a younger child he is mad keen to join in with homework. Of course working with him highlights the fact that he is cementing information in his brain quicker.

Anyway....all this background is leading to a recent meeting with the special teacher at school and his main teacher. They have tested all the boys at the school and they expressed concerns about DS1. They reckon that his reading level is a year behind given the level of support he gets. His ability to follow visual patterns (like the iQ tests) is very advanced. To be honest it was a great deal of learning language to take on and I am still a little confused about what this means. They re-iterated that it was important to practice a little and often but keen to point out that he actually tries twice as hard as other boys in the class already and will be very tired.

Now I obviously appreciate all this analysis but I'm struggling to know whether we've just put him in a system that's not suitable for him or whether we should keep going and be grateful for the help and care???

Some simple things we have started, in addition to his reading and practicing counting etc in the car, and his spelling test once a week (!) so I've bought an abacus so he can see the logic of how the numbers relate to real things, bringing back flashcards so he can feel more confident with the immediate recognition of common words, getting him to help his little brother to play word games.

I think I'm pretty good at making it fun but is this right? Will it help? What should I be doing to help? Does it sound like he has a learning difficulty? All views welcome please. Bottom line is that I feel sad for him basically...he likes school very much but I feel we're at the bottom of a very very big hill and I want to serve him well and be sensible about what I do next.

At 6 it is really hard to say whether he has a learning difficulty or not as they are all so different and can change quite quickly. But my dd had similar problems at ages 5 - 6 and now at 7 has been diagnosed as dyslexic. HOwever, reason we held off in having her tested is that teh difficulties she displayed at 5-6 are so common many children do grow out of them. I do empathise though. My dd works SO hard at school - and then does more with me at night so she is generally shattered by FRiday.
It does sound that teh school are on top of it and he is getting good support - so I woudl continue as you are. TRy making it fun but the "little and often" bit is important.

Thanks for quick response Haggisaggis. You know how these things are and today I suddenly felt quite upset and overwhelmed about it.
I've been googling and it appears that general coordination is also a problem with dyslexic children. Is that consistent or is each child different? DS1 coordination is pretty good...he is good at catching/tennis/football/swimming and likes playing with teeny tiny playmobil stuff for long periods of time. He also dresses himself easily.
He does like quiet and HATES his brother screaming or getting loud.

I think you should firstly be thrilled with the school you have managed to get him into. Sounds like they are really on top of his abilities and communicating with you and trying to be proactive, all things which are not to be taken for granted, sadly.

I would go back to the school now that you have had time to digest and get over the shock and ask them to be clear and simple in what they agre actually saying. Perhaps see if they can specify clear goals that you can work on together and then see how he manages.

It is hard not to compare with other children and siblings but that is something you must try and avoid - I would focus on what is average for his yeargroup and work towards that, never mind if others are zooming ahead. Also, I would try and look at his rate of progress ie how is he doing now compared to 3 months ago, so then you can see how he is moving along.

Remember he is still very young and lots can change in these early years. But it is so important to have a school who are attentive, and for you to work together and communicate well.

All in all, it sounds like you are doing well and the school is doing well and your son is trying his hardest too - just keep it up.

Oh, and DO NOT GOOGLE, DO NOT GOOGLE it will freak you out.

This is why Mumsnet is brilliant. I'm totally selfish with it and only ever come to talk about my own worries really but after two posts I'm starting to regain a sense of proportion.
Why is the school being attentive such a good thing? Is it because they can teach him specifically for that need or because starting younger can iron out problems?
The teachers did make a comment that if he was in a bigger class he'd just be the 'nicely behaved child coming along nicely', and I must admit I thought, what's wrong with that?

Ds (year 1 nearly 6) is rubbish at reading and has just made it on to ORT 4. He was at the end of ORT 3 at the end of reception so the progress this year has been positively painful.

He does all the reading things your ds does so he has having extra one to one tuition twice a week at school (at a cost). I'm not overly worried as I don't think reading is a meausre of academic ability and ds is curious and asks lots of questions. He likes quiet and that causes problems at school. He is easily distracted so sits closest to the teacher (any closer he'd be on her lap). No idea what he is like at maths as we only do reading at home.

I do think that smaller class sizes lead to their own issues. Good that problems are picked up but maybe slightly too much focus on finding problems in the first place (16 in ds's class, one teacher one TA).

I do my best to not compare him with others in his year but it is hard when other mums are quite vocal at how fantastic their dcs are!

Should add that when I told friends that ds had SEN they were all absolutely horrified - as if ds was some sort of failure. I view it as probably a temporary thing and better to have help now than leave it and see him struggle in a couple of years (and then really get behind with school work).

I'm ceasing the googling now as instructed.

Fortunately we do not appear to be in a competitive group and the one mum who I am close enough to to know she has a son who is brilliant at reading said she frequently refuses to push him and sends it back to the school with 'too difficult' written in his book book. We're all still grateful if our kids are well behaved and happy to go to school.

Are there ways of teaching a child with child who learns through visual stimulation? If he's good at that, why then does he not recognise the visual pattern of words and numbers?

With dd it is mostly a visual memory thing. It took her a very long time to remember the initial phonic sounds (s,a, t, p, etc) and it is only within the past 3 months that she can correctly write down the numbers from 1 - 20. However, she has an amazing vocabulary and a fantastic imagination. We did a lot of work with writing numbers in shaving foam on teh kitchen table, writing them in sand on a tray etc.
You asked if dyslexic chlidren have coordination problems - dd does but not all dyslexic children do.

I am a bit surprised that you seem so wary of the school being so attentive. How can that ever be a bad thing?

Getting a child diagnosed with SEN is so bloody difficult that I wouldn't be worried about him being incorrectly labelled due to teacher's possible over-reaction. It is very unlikely to go that way unless there is genuine cause for concern, and you are way off that now.

The schools' attitude is fantastic imho opinion because (1) they have actually noticed - plenty of schools don't know the individual children well enough to pick issues up (2) they are clearly interested in helping him and making sure he isn't left behind (3) by coming to you so early I think it has opened up a relationship with you so that you can work together in his best interests for the future.

I totally agree that children shouldn't constantly be pushed all the time - some respond to this and others don't and it can do more harm than good. I think that is why you need to really work with the school and agree together what your concerns may be and what his targets should be.