Social side of dyspraxia

[BongeddyBong]

Ds has had an up and down relationship with diagnosis of dyspraxia. Initially the paed said he was dyspraxic, then said he wasn't, but couldn't really say and referred to physio. Physio has said bit early to tell at five.

Gross motor ok, runs a bit slowly but compensates with elbows. Fine motor good (builds intricate lego models), reading well and writing big and messy but can construct good sentences / write short books.

Anyway it's all a bit hard to tell.

My issue is the social side. He can be moody, where often other children are sunny. He hates noise and chaos and prefers structured activities.

I don't now how forgiving I should be of his quirks or if I am employing the best tactics. I want to make sure I am not making things worse.

So if you have a dyspraxic child please could you let me know what they are like socially, if they face extra challenges and how you deal with it. thanks

bump

I don't have a dyspraxic child, but I do have one who can be moody, hates noise and chaos, and prefers structured activities.

Parenting a child like this isn't easy, as you'll know.

I suspect it isn't the dyspraxia which is giving your DS these problems (although what do I know!), but something else. In my DS's case, he has difficulty with sensory processing, and is "sensory sensitive" (basically he's over sensitive to noise, bright lights, crowds, etc) Might be worth looking into this for your DS.

Thanks that all fits ds.

How old is your ds?, basically I take ds to park every night after school and am constantly dealing with things whereas other children just run around and play happily.

Do you do children's parties?, and what do you do differently?

Thanks really appreciate it.

My DS (8) is mildly dyspraxic. He has problems with social integration at school (only) because he might not 'get' the game quickly enough and he can be quite rigid about what he likes to do at playtime and then gets upset with the other boys.

It is something I am constantly 'working' on with him. He also knows his own limitations so is very reluctant to do extra curricular sport because he knows he struggles with it but it would actually benefit him. A vicious circle really.

I am going to spend half-term thinking up new games and ideas for him to play at school. The other boys are bored of his current one. It's hard work - you just have to keep helping them.

Has your DS seen at OT? The one my DS saw helped enormously. Especially helped with the hand-writing: he's recognised as having the best in his class now (of 32)!

He is due to see an OT in July.

Do your ds' friends' parents know about the dyspraxia castles?

I haven't mentioned it to anyone at school (I don't want people to move further away from him and as most of the time he is fine and happy) but then I think his moodiness and being upset could be a bit strange for some people.

Yes his good friends 'know' as much as 8 year old boys can! Their parents' certainly do. I've always been quite open partly because he only got a dx just over a year ago. I actually find being open about it quite useful as my good friends often talk to their DC about it and encourage them to be patient with my DS when normally they might not.

As I said DS is 'sensory seeking' - always fidgeting, pressing up against things, 'cuddly', fine with loud noises/chaos - and it sound's like yours is probably the opposite 'sensory sensitive', like LynetteScavo's. An OT can do a lot to help.

(That was me ROTFL - I'm not just a nutter who rolls around on the floor.)

My DS is just starting to 'enjoy' parties now mostly because they are smaller and tend to be doing stuff like cinema/bowling/go-karting rather than 30 kids and an entertainer. Even though he's ok with noise etc, he used to hate them. I always had to stay with him too.

lol at the rolling.

Yes ds dislikes parties, especially ones in a sports hall with 30 children. He has missed a few now. Would always stick close to me and I can't leave him.

Socks - he can just do it, some mornings not all. Getting dressed is a point of contention, we get impatient at times. He has to do it at school for PE and swimming and does, which is good.

Btw I love these really long posts, I am so, so interested in other people's experiences. Nobody in my family knows, my friends would shy away at a label. And he needs to practise and work at integrating, not the opposite.

Do you talk about these issues with people?

He cried again at the park today, and all I could see were other children skipping and smiling (or that's how it felt!).

Yes, your DS does need to work at integrating, but little by little, day by day. And don't be put of by any set backs. He'll get there in the end.
My DS2 if four years younger than DS1, and a very happy, sociable child who takes life as it comes. So atleast I know it's not my parenting which is at fault.
What I'm trying to say is don't push your DS faster than is comfortable for him.

Do I talk about these issues with people?
Well, my close family, yes, we have to because DS is so quirky. Close family are very sympathetic, with the exception of my mother. (I have no idea why she doesn't understand)

And I do talk my closest friends about DS, but not with general friends, unless they too have a similar child. (There is one person in particular) and then we can compare notes, so to speak.

What made your DS cry at the park today?

Yes it has been very slow. Parties and park visits for last three years. I don't push him, give him the choice, constantly positive in tone and effort. Tonight he cried as another liitle boy said no to something he wanted to do I think (I'm always chatting with half an eye and ear on ds, as he went through a stage of getting very, very frustrated and hitting. Half-heartedly at least, not hard, but I still want to intervene before it escalates). Then I divert, divert, breezily mention an icypole. Jolly on etc etc

Then after I saw some muttering (possibly imagined! they are all lovely parents, the father said sorry, which made me feel a bit heavy with the weight of trying) I thought maybe I am not doing enough, doing it right. Should I be stricter, should I explain and so on.

I should add he had never done that as a toddler and I was mortified and worked hard to make sure he didn't do it again. But do have to watch him and act quickly unfortunately.

Sorry to butt in, but if your DS doesn't enjoy the park and its stressful why take him there? He is with other kids all day at school. Maybe he just needs some down time?

My DD 7 has started hitting people (apparently) and it is stressful, especially as she is my least SN kid and very bright. Try talking to a very articulate child who just doesn't think there is anytihng she can do to control her anger. (BTW it is worse because she is so much like me at that age, I was very lucky to go to such a tolerant school.)

80% of time he is great. And we only go when he wants to, I give him the choice. The odd incident makes me feel a bit rubbish. (then I post here) but it is impossible to predict.

Maybe I will say- If you feel stressed / upset run over to me. Although he does need to learn to negotiate / disagree without crying.

Wondered what others did.

I would suggest that you work with him, so he recognises when he is getting upset. This is what I think I need to do with my daughter. She has been told to go and find space when she is getting frustrated (or run and find a grown up), but I'm not sure she knows she is upset until she hits out. Maybe he needs to learn those signs in himself.
You (and I) may need to act more like an overprotective Mummy in public situations, just to help him avoid confrontation.

Also after school is a tricky time, as he may have been bottling things up all day at school, so a little thing may just tip the balance.

Good luck!

just wanted to add to this lovely thread that there is a dyspraxic boy aged 10ish who regularly plays with my rather younger children and it works really really well. He is the competent one in that context, he is really good at looking out for the smaller ones, and he totally understands that they don't necessarily have the social savvy that he does as a big boy, so it's a wonderful opportunity for him to be nurturing, looking after, working with a smaller person's agenda, and then conversely for the smaller people to be following him around, hound like.

Might be worth seeking out opportunities like that (we all home educate, btw, which may make it easier to socialise beyond the usual age bands, I don't know)

my daughter has just had her assessment for dyspraxia and have the report on weds. but she does struggle with big groups,we thought we would have 10 friends for her 8th birthday round for a apry at home, how wrong was i. she spent the 2 hours crying in her room whilst her friends played in the other room. yet she loves little ones. she si a buddy for a 5 year olf at school who is poorly as she puts it, and also a 2 yr old at our church. i have no probs with her then and trust her completely. she seems to be patient and understanding compared to older ones. her education is behind and is known a slightly clumsy. she always disrupts people on the mat at school, but yet is a loving caring 8 yr old. she is one of the oldest in her class nealry 9 where other are just turning 8 but her maths is at the age of 5. so going to take loads of work but i am positive for her future

DS1 (9) is dyspraxic. He is fine with friends 1:1 or 1:2 but finds large groups more difficult. I think it's because he can negotiate games more easily with one or two others - he's actually pretty good at compromise. In a large group he gets lost because he's not verbally or physically quick enough to make his mark. He too is very good with younger children and has made his best friends out of school - his dyspraxia is very obvious at school (lack of sporting prowess mainly) but not obvious at all at home where he chooses to do the things he's good at.

I do quite a lot of role play with him if he has difficulties in the playground.

I would second the value of a good OT - we are using an NLP trained one atm and she is doing wonders for DS1.

very familiar. ds is 12 and just starting to realise that he has few real friends Always left last when they pick groups and pairs at school. We've encouraged some of the interests he has but they are selective and only require interaction 1:1 or in very small groups. Occasionally we've forced the issue so he is at least seen at parties etc but often not happily(too noisy, busy, not his type of people or activity....).

He transfers to secondary in Sept 2011 so this is becoming a more pressing concern. I could call his OT (who has all but said she's done as much for him as she can) but not really sure what to ask for or what she could offer. Any ideas please ?

A lot of what you've all described sounds a lot like DD. Especially the parties, and the friendship stuff.

DH was diagnosed dyspraxic a couple of years ago, so I suppose it's quite possible that DD is too. No teacher has ever suggested it as a possibility (would that be likely anyway?), and I really don't know whether to raise it as a possibility, or whether to carry on as we are. DH has obviously developed excellent coping strategies, so I just sort of expect DD to do the same, I think.

And if I do decide to explore the possibility of a proper diagnosis, who would I talk to first?

Ooh, I never knew this could be dyspraxia!

I'm dyspraxic, and I was very socially awkward. I also hate certain sensations- I hate things touching my knees, water on my face makes me lose it and panic, I used to hate brushing or washing my hair, and so on.

If it is any reassurance, I am fairly normal now :D The big change came when I got out of full time group education. I just wasn't a child for large groups, all the noise and movement distracted me, so I would just give up and completely disengage from the class and if someone did try to talk to me I would often end up offending them.

Dyspraxia didn't "exist" (at least not in my school!) when I was young, so there was talk of autism, or even epilepsy, even though, looking back, I was pretty obviously dyspraxic (huge disparity between written and spoken work, unable to swim, ride a bike, catch a ball, found algebra easy but still don't know times tables, terrified of heights (I still remember being 7 and a teacher forcing me to go up slatted stairs and me lying face down on the landing, screaming in fear) and so on)

It is the main reason I am HEing my two, although I realise that not everybody can or wants to do that.

DS2 is quite severely Dysraxic, but doesn't have the moodiness you describe. He's sunny and sociable - interested in people, fine with noise and parties etc.

But he does have very poor social skills - "some Aspergic tendencies" as the paed put it. He's socially inept - talks over people, talks obsessively on his chosen subject regardless of the level of interest of the listener, can't pick up on people's moods or any non-verbal signals. I'll be doing six things at once and clearly in a tizz and he'll decide that's the moment to ask me about the American voting system, for example - he's completely single minded. He's nearly 12.

Hi this dropped off my threads.

As ever we go up and down (or rather fine then not for a bit) and ds is doing well. When things get a bit emotional it's a signal to me to pull my socks up. We impose more structure, talk about how to act in situations, what is good and what isn't. For some reason he had a great party with all the class tearing around with bestfriend, being funny, happy, sunny. God it was great to go to a party and chat rather than stress, It was the second that weekend so I think practise is key.

I picked him up the other day and found him and a friend creatimg a little hideaway with imaginary food etc and once again very happy. I think if they can have someone with them in a small little game it's good.

Although he is very kind and sometimes his friends remarks make him withdraw incredibly. He is so good with his little brother.

Lizs mine is only young so it's probably easier. And sport isn't an issue yet but it may be in the future. Academically he is strong, although writing is messy. Is there something you think your ds could do to create a safe world with a friend at school? (How is your ds' writing? out of interest)

purpleturtle the school mentioned to us something about ds running, and then we went to gp who referred to paed then to OT etc.