ds 3yrs having SN assessment, need advice

[verybusyspider]

he's 3yrs, bright and has hit all his milestones but is struggling a bit at preschool as he can't cope if things are out of routine/not where they 'should' be. we do have a strong routine at home (have have ds's within 3 yrs of each other, it helps me stay on top of it all, I'm also dyslexic and it has been an identified coping mechanism for me) ds1 gets upset (tears as aposed to tantrums) and won't move on to another activity until its been put 'right' or has been calmed down, they have to do this through visual cues rather than words as once upset he doesn't respond to talking to - at home I must admit sometimes I leave him to it but obviously this can't happen in a school setting.

I've been told he'll struggle in main stream next year if he can't cope with simple changes, Friday's meltdown was that the date was written on the white board, date then day not day then date as it usually is...

Staff have also commented he also very tactile, chooses to play often on his own (away from other children not parallel) but craves 1:1 with the adults and only stays at an activity an length of time with staff support.

I've asked for a hearing test as dh had hearing difficulties as a child - 3 sets of gromits before 6, could this be it? I have to wait 3 months for appointment, I was hoping for sooner so I could rule it in or out of the equation

In the meantime, school want him to be observed/assessed but what for?? what can I be doing to help him? I hate this waiting around, I had a horrible experience of school and don't want him to be the same, is there anything I can do to him him cope with changes in routine??

any advice greatly received!

I take it from the detail there that you're looking at asd?
An who's planning to do the 'observing' bit?

whats asd? sorry I'm clueless, I was just recounting what the nursery have told me

Lady is coming in LEA - I guess I support unit, it is a small village school so not sure how they are set up in supporting SEN

right, sorry for doing abbreviations / jargon

Autsim Spectrum - now some debate going on as to whether to refer to 'disorder' or 'condition' thus ASD and ASC becoming interchangeable. I would say with the things you've put down there that somewhere on the spectrum's perhaps what they are trying to clarify, but I agree with you that dyslexia in its severe forms (I have ds1 like this) are very similar to autism traits. Well worth mentioning to them so that it gets taken into account. I'm a teacher and I've worked in autism specialist units for squillions of years, don't claim to know it 'all' but if there's anything I can help with then fire away. Maybe track (for your own purposes, as well as theirs) whether your little one can understand stuff like where you're going if you tell him something relatively unfamiliar, like a 'different' shop or friends house. Difficult to assess at that age because of knowing what they actually can understand or picture. Regardless of what they come up with for his needs for now, if he's making decent progress then chances are he will be fine in mainstream, with support. Try not to panic

I googled asd... he certainly doesn't fit all of those, what I have described makes it sound at an extreme side of things.

His speech and communication are good, behind his peers and he will make words up to fit what he is talking about rather than remembering or learning the real words - he calls a calender a 'symboler' for example. but he can get his point across, we did do baby signing and he still likes his signs especially if he thinks we don't understand what he's on about but he empathises and engages with people and asks questions none stop, sometimes the same question again and again. He gets context of speech and communication.

I think its the lack of flexibilty thats the main thing that stands out, can I help him to be more flexible?

btw as a solution for loads of children, including those with dyslexia, autism, aspergers, and mainstream littles as well, using picture schedules is a fab idea. If he's anywhere near the autism spectrum then he'll need to know most of all "now we're doing x, then we're doing Y" and as each thing is done, finished is the most important bit. At the point when you're finished with "washing hands" and moving on to "dinner", you'd take off the picture showing hand washing and have the dinner one on the left, saying "hand wash finished, now dinner time". Then you'd add another picture on the right, say tv or video, or bath, and when you're at the point of "dinner's finished" then you take that off and move the tv/bath/whatever along. Sorry if I'm rambling, here have a link for picture scheduling!!

x posts!

he can understand that we are going somewhere different and is unphased if I tell him we're off somewhere as long as he knows I'm going to be there with him, he lumps together the experience as 'shopping' only to ask if its the big shops or the little shops, again not too fussed if we go to a different persons house becuase I'll be there but needs to know the reason why we are there if that makes sense - is that what you mean? if I need to inject a bit of spontinaity into our life I can work on it I just don't really know where to start!

I think he's a very kinestic learner too, he's doing really well with writting and letter sounds (with actions) and since Numnberjacks wants to do maths...

am trying not to panic, its just I'd like to know how I can help starting school seems like a big milestone - yes I guess he is my PFB - without being told he'll find it difficult already

minefield, m'dear loads of things have similar symptoms, as it were, resulting in inflexibility and need for routines. Hence presumably why they're getting the education authority bods in, which presumably is an Educational Psychologist or SEN specialist bod. I was typing my previous ramblings so didn't see your last post til I'd posted my waffle thoughts - sorry if it appeared I hadn't 'listened'....

gigglewitch interestingly the 'finished' sign (BSL one) is the one ds likes the most, I think he uses it wothout thinking and as we're signing with ds3 now I'm used to him doing it too... might tell nursery about that one and see if it helps

thanks cat64 the nursery are doing a lot more warnings and we have a sand timer in place for the school computer which has helped no end, I have already been told that he'll get less warnings at reception tho, if it works for him can I insist he gets that support? its such a simple thing but I can understand if you have 30 kids its hard to do, but ultimately easier than the fall out of the meltdown!

giggle nooo I'm a very slow typer!

(and also glad you both get drawn into these conversations as I've been brooding on it since parents evening on Thursday and my golden rule is don't randomly google anything so I appreciate the chat!)

another thought, what's he like with 'problem solving' - a simple version would be you put a plate of food on the table, clearly a main meal rather than finger-food, would he know to ask for or find himself a knife and fork or whatever?
He sounds very capable academically, hence why we're saying don't worry yourself daft over it and more than likely he will be fine in mainstream. On the 'starting school' bit, as long as he gets a few visits to see his new classroom and meet the teacher, which on the whole is usually considered good practice for ALL children, I'd honestly imagine he'll cope fine. Again picture/visual scheduling works a treat. My DS1 is now in yr 4, he's 9, and he has a hardback little notebook thing with velcro on the front and pictures that we can put on to help him remember what's after school, who's picking him up, and what stuff he has to bring home like his jumper, coat and swimming kit etc. As you'll probably know from your own experience, being fantastically dyslexic but otherwise fairly intelligent has its own complications and drawbacks! The solutions can all be quite similar though. And with your ds's obvious good brain, he'll get through and surprise 'em all

verybusyspider, can I suggest it is a good thing that things are being noticed now, because hopefully support will be in place for your ds when he goes on to school. My ds (8) has only been diagnosed as having issues in the last year, and is currently well behind in class and socially mainly due to this (if it had been recognised earlier and he had had support earlier then he would have been able to cope better and not fallen so far behind IYGWIM).

Also, if ASD/ASC doesn't seem to fit your ds, how about dyspraxia/DCD? Many traits of ASD are present in children with dyspraxia/DCD but others are less so. As has been said before it is impossible to diagnose your ds over the computer but it is a similar condition. These links may help if you want to look can child website (the second link - Children with DCD: At Home and in the Classroom - has a good list of trits to look for) and dyspraxia foundation. I would issue one slight warning on the latter - it says "Symptoms are evident from an early age." They weren't with ds, so take both as a guide not as gospel.

traits not trits

fantastic idea!!!

cat64 they did that book idea for ds when he was at day nursery! I never really thought anything of it, they just suggested it as an idea as he was really struggling to settle, he started at 2.5yrs (after my mat leave with ds2) and would get upset at certain points in the day ie after naps and get his coat and tell everyone it was hometime, they took pictures of his day so they could show him the order of things. He started the nursery in a rush as my childminder messed me around and handed her notice in 2 wks before I went back to work (nothing to do with my children I hasen to add ) so I'd always put it down to that but it fits well with what you are saying.
Also receptiuon and preschool are very close, they have 'open door' every thursday and ds has a 'buddy' in the year above so he's been in and out of their classroom since September so I hope they'll share all their information and files with the teachers.

gigglewitch I think he is quite good at problem solving ie getting off bike to move something so he can get past, is that what you mean?

LBR I don't think dyspraxia fits, ds has very good fine motor skills and has been happily playing with lego since about 18 months, he loves puzzles and construction, thats probably a generalisation on my part and thank you for the links - I think the key is in your first bit that if there is a problem whatever it is, even if its just aniexity based, then they assessment should help us all tackle it properly.

I think I'm going to try and help him with some of his anxieties and try and teach him some of my coping strategies in the hope he can grasp them at his age, in a 'does it matter?' or 'can I ask someone for help?' kind of way... at least then I am doing something