Pls help searching for why and whether ADHD?

[northlondonmumma]

I am reposting from behaviour board as someone suggested. Sorry its on the long side!

Anyway, I am concerned about my son who is now 3 and a half. He is now at nursery 4 days a week. They have informed me that he has behavioural issues, for example, pushing other children, snatching, throwing sand, sometimes food etc.

I know that this behaviour is pretty normal in most children at some point, but the issue is the frequency of this behaviour.

He was at another nursery last year and they raised the same issue so I know that is not them overeacting.

It seems to come out in big group sessions rather than smaller groups. I dont think he means to upset other kids I think the issue is that he just doesnt think and behaves impulsively.

The nursery tell me I am doing things the way that they would recommend. He has a routine, we eat at the table, he doesnt have too much telly and I am consistent at home in terms rules etc. I try to parent positively so i praise him lots of stuff he does well and give stickers etc and try not to give too much negative attention to things that arent great (throwing toys etc). That said, I do punish bad behaviour - take away toys for a while, withhold treats or remove him from situations etc.I have the privilege of being able to be very consistent as its just me and him at home and his little brother.

I am not sure what causes this behaviour at nursery though and am at my wits end of picking him up and being told that parents have complained about him pushing this child or scaring another one etc.

I try to explain to him why we dont do this. Its seems that he hasnt really developed much empathy though to understand why it is not right to hit etc, Its almost like he sees this as a joke and likes it when people run away from him acting scared.

I am wondering whether his might have ADHD. this sounds like a leap, but hsi behaviour is often described as impulsive and he is incredibly active and often a but hyper at nursery it seems. I guess at home he is more attentive as I know him. I know what eill engage him in terms of books, role playing etc, but in the nursery they need to cater for a broad section of kids so clearly they cant have just trains all day! Also his dad it seems had undiagnosed adhd when he was younger (still has).

My xp and i separated a year ago and it has been quite stressful for me as his dad was abusive towards me (some shouting or ignoring me alternatly; and threats etc which resulted in police call outs). Clearly I have tried to shield my children from this, but he has seen things he shouldnt have done. I will now only let his dad have contact outside the family home to minimise potential conflict. When he is with the kids, they have fun and he is in a safe pair of hands, the issue is his ehaviour towards me.

I am not sure how to find out why my son is behaving this way. More so at nursery than home (large group situation?). I feel if I know the answer it would help.

Anyone have any advice to offer? Anyone out there with ADHD child - does this sound familiar? (I know its too early to confirm if this is the case and they need to be 5 to get a diagnosis). I am not looking to get him "labelled" for a specific reason (like getting drugs for example), but I just want to explore all options and understand (and enable others to understand) my lovely little boy better.

Grateful for any thoughts.....thanks in advance

what does your instinct tell you? Do you think there is a problem?

It sounds very familiar and I would urge you to take him to the Gp to get him assessed. They won't be able to do anything, but to have an assessment even started for ADHD you need to have flagged up your concerns with a health professional, or it can be harder to get them to listen properly in the future.

As you say, your ex was abusive and your son may have picked up on that, but he has had a year of consistent positive parenting, and that should have made a big difference.

Re his behavior - does he listen?? Can you explain to him that "X is a bad idea because it will hurt someone. Why is X a bad idea, Ds?" and have him answer you correctly?

Does he look at you when you are speaking to him? Whether or not you are tellling him off?

A child psych would use the Connors test as part of an assessment - I've searched online and can't find it but found this which is a very cut down version.

Obviously he is still very young and this kind of behaviour is very common at this age so it may just be something that he grows out of with time.

That said, follow your instinct - don't be afraid to push the professionals for the support that you / your son need.

Thank you all. My instinct is that there is something here which differentiates him from other children. I can sit him down and explian to him why we do not hit, etc, However he squirms, does not make eye contact. He does not really seem to absorb what i say, although he appears to be hearing if that makes sense. If I ask him to repeat it back then, he seems unable to tell me what I said (its not becuase he cannot retain it cos anything about trains he will remember!).

I have an appointment booked for him Friday. Its ironic I am happy to feel like I have at least some kind of explanation as to why he is the way he is, but it is making me so sad at the same time. It seems that things are going to be challenging for him in life. Obviously I am not going to let this stop me doing everything I can, but I can already see he has been labelled naughty is some quarters...

Thanks again, I will look up more on the connors test and ask the paed...

good luck on friday