Please help as I need to help my friend

[bear73]

Hi

My friend is at the end of her tether with her little boy and today she sent me an email to say she is an emotional wreck. Her son (6) has been disruptive in school for a while and refuses to engage in school work. He has had an initial assessment (not sure who with - think a children's centre) where they suspect ADHD but have not confirmed and are waiting on further appts.

His mum's dad died about a year ago and he took that hard. He has been having bereavment counselling to see if that helps but his mum said it's not helping.

Here are some extracts of what she wrote to me today (she won't mind me posting as she trusts me as is desperate for help).

"I had a meeting with ?'s teachers yesterday. He has now refused to engage in school work says everything is hard and has fallen so far behind he is now bottom of his class. I am an emotional wreck and struggling to focus on it. The teachers have said that they are seeking professional advice on other ways they can engage him as they feel they have tried everything possible. I am seeing the school nurse on Monday for his Speech and Language session where I will ask her about a psychiatric assessment. School feel that he is blocking out so much and that there is something a lot deeper. Bereavement counselling didn't really work, as he said to the counseller she didn't know Grandad and that she couldn't bring him back to him. He's very matter of fact about it.

I feel that I'm failing him at the moment and that I can't get through to him as he doesn't want to talk and shrugs his shoulders to most things, very non-committal.

Any advice would be greatly received."

I really want to help her as I have struggled with my dd (AS, Dyspraxia, SPD) but I feel I have had a fair bit of support. I was thinking of asking her if she would contact Parent Partneship in her area and get some more support. I really just hoped someone would have some good advice I could pass on. She is very hands on and I know she will fight tooth and nail for him but I don't think she knows where to turn next.

Sorry for long post. I hope someone can help and I will pass on all messages to her.

Thanks

hi, i'm sorry 2 hear about your friends problems , i too had 2 have my son tested for A.D.H.D. when he was six , i know how stressful this can be , it turned out in our case that my son didn't have A.D.H.D. so please tell your friend that she is a GREAT MUM & she is doing all she can for her child ,
sorry i couldn't give any advice , hope it all works out well for them ,

I'll just say what I often say when someone is feeling like this - tell her to go to the GP and say that she is not coping and neither is the child. She doesn't have to accept medication; but can ask for a way forward for each of them.
After 5 years of struggling to understand why I wasn't coping; it was such a relief to get assessments in motion and to get diagnoses which meant that the school could no longer label me 'crap parent no 1'!!
And there's no pain harder to bear than a child in pain - so they'll both be able to feel better!
Good luck!

You could try posting this on the 'Special Needs' board - usually gets more traffic. The waiting for the other appointments is agonising, but getting the help needed is the most important thing for her son. She needs to push in every direction to support him at home and school. I know this is easier said than done. Keep supporting her as I know this can be a very lonely experience for a mum, even if there is a dh.