advice please .. new to all this

[willow67]

where do i start ! for 2 years i have been telling the school that my son needs to be assessed,(the school told me he had been refused an assessment and this was done verbally!) his lack of concentration,tantrums at school bad hand writing , thats if you could even get him to write and much much more, all symptoms of dyspraxia. he was constantly being sent from class , i was being called in daily and told he was close to be excluded and there answer was to try to send me on a parenting course ! his teaching told me constantly my son was lazy and his behaviour was his way of getting out of doing his work!he was put on the special needs register , the last straw came at xmas when i went to collect him to take him around the school fair and see santa, when i arrive i was told to take him from school and he wasnt allowed to attend the fair! you can imagine the scene !! and this was all told me in a busy corridor with dozens of parents watching,my son had to be dragged kicking and screaming he appologised over and over but to no avail and the reason they told was that he had become very angry with his teacher and had sworn,i dont condone swearing and thankfully he seems to be past swearing now (something he picked up in the playground) anyway im going on now lol, finally took him the the doctors who managed to get an appointment at CAMHS 3 weeks later amazing ! he has dyspraxia with mild aspergers and the teacher who sent him from the fair was the head senco ! and his special needs teacher.
sorry its gone on but i could write so much more lol !!my son hates going to school and it has sent me to the edge of insanity i have to attend meetings every month about his behaviour and the latest topic has been his sleeping, he has never gone to sleep before 1am relationships with his senco have broken down completly and now its another term and i know all the crud will start again, so many things have happened i could go on for days ie made to wear a bright yellow hat (wasnt told about that one only found out months later,) not being allowed on school visits to the library(incase he played up) to name but a couple , so where do i go from here ive been waiting 2 months for a writing slope so going to buy one myself now ! and i cant find a support group in west sussex ..any help, comments much needed
thanks for reading
willow
ps hope this all makes sense !

Hi there
I really feel for you. I'm in process of trying to apply for a Statement of SEN for my 4 year old & trying to get him properly diagosed before he starts school. It's such an emotional battle. I'm no expert by any means-I'm floundering around trying to find out what I need to do as I type! Have you got a Parent Partnership Service (associated to your County Council), also try ipsea.org.uk
Good luck to you my dear xx

hi there and thanks, my god its a long hard battle ! yes i have recently got in touch with parent partnership and they have come to the last couple of meetings up til then i had to do this all on my own and its been hard . But this afternoon i compiled 2 letters of compliant to the school head and the board of governors. My son didnt want to go today and has huge anxiety about school which makes him quite ill, so i just hope hes had a good day my heart bleeds for him at times. hes 8 now and really quite bright but the school cant or doesnt want to accept the problems he has with writing , its all in his head but just cant get it onto paper , anyway im off to pick him up soon and hand my letters in ! i will look up the ipsea and thanks for your concern and help x

Hi Willow, it sounds like the school are dealing with your sons needs very poorly. What strategies do they have in place to help him? Many children with Aspergers find the whole school situation extremely difficult, they become anxious and upset, which manifests itself as the problems you have described. They are not simply being naughty, and it's unfair to treat them and punish them as if they are. The way to help deal with it is to offer them proper support and strategies, such as visual time tables, work stations etc. Unfortunately (and I know from bitter experience), there is a huge lack of training for teachers regarding ASD's, and also a lack of time and funding needed to support our children.

Has your son been seen by an educational psychologist? If not then I think this needs to be done asap. Does he have an offical diagnosis of AS and dyspraxia from CAMHS? If the diagnosis has just been made informally/verbally/we think its likely sort of comment, then you also need to push for this to be made officially, as its an important signpost to make sure your son gets the support he needs. I would also be pushing again for a statement, as clearly your son is not coping at the moment. If the school are unwilling to request the assessment then you can make the request yourself, Parent Partner ship will be able to tell you how. You do not need a diagnosis for a statement (DS's statement was made pre DX), but it does add weight to it.

Its also worth posting on the special needs board which is way busier than this one.

Hi - the school sounds as if they haven't a clue and some of their actions could be deemed illegal .
He cant be excluded from a school trip because of behaviour if that behaviour arises from his special needs ie his aspergers. the school would need to put into place measures to enable him to participate - wouldn't hurt to quote the disability discrimation act
Child with aspergers often display challenging behaviour in response to stressful situations and the anxiety they experience.
I would ask for the school to get training from the borough specialist in a.s.d.[ autistic spectrum disorder]if there is one or ask the school/LEA to buy in specialist training
Get advice from IPSEA and the Autistic society - there may be a local branch.
You may want to think about moving your son to a more support school but it is a big step and you need to get lots of info on what is availiable
Good luck

Hi.Hugs, my ds1 had a fairly similar early Sn experience to yours so I can understand what youa re going through (he has AS / HFA). Luckily our Hea pissed off retired early, but I can still remember those days with horror. I also have a ds3 with asd in SN education, a ds2 with possible ADHD / Dyspraxia and a ds4 who is still a baby LOL so my striopes are ahrd won and heavily polished

Support grous- call the NAS, they have a support worker here who can come out to you and go through these things, if not they should still ahve contacts.

And the rest....

'the school told me he had been refused an assessment and this was done verbally!) '

Ask the LEA if they did this; our school told us that, it was a packet of lies

'and this was all told me in a busy corridor with dozens of parents watching'- formal comlpaint, copy to LEA

' he has dyspraxia with mild aspergers and the teacher who sent him from the fair was the head senco ! and his special needs teacher.
' there are some truly appalling SENCO's about, the role doent require much training (many chopose to take some but doesn't require it yet confers status and cash; in the wrong hands that can be a recruitment disaster

's ie made to wear a bright yellow hat (wasnt told about that one only found out months later,) not being allowed on school visits to the library(incase he played up) to name but a couple , so where do i go from here ive been waiting 2 months for a writing slope so going to buy one myself now !' DDA )disability dsiscrimination act. Definitely. And scream at them,pull him and refuse to send him until they sort themselves out (angry).

There's a Sn support group related to MN; if you would like to join send me an email on peaches and cream * bt internet dot com. Lots of expertise on there

Absolutely IPSEA theya e fab, however they can be ahrd to reaxch so I can heartily recommend SOS!SEN 9they also have a helpline) as tehy helped me to get DS3's SN placement; the NAS also ahs a helpline of educational needs that is great (national autistic society- NAS)

I have just googled the west sussex lea team for children with special educational needs - you could ask the school to contact her to ask for suppport for your son - she should be able to arrange specialist training for the school and support for your son.
The school may find it a bit threatening but they need to develop their understanding of special needs and inclusion - you always phrase it diplomatically
Hilary Thomas, General Adviser SEN and Educational Inclusion at North East Area Professional Centre via her secretary Jean O?Sullivan 01293 435607 11.30-5.30 Monday - Friday.

I have just googled the west sussex lea team for children with special educational needs - you could ask the school to contact her to ask for suppport for your son - she should be able to arrange specialist training for the school and support for your son.
The school may find it a bit threatening but they need to develop their understanding of special needs and inclusion - you always phrase it diplomatically
Hilary Thomas, General Adviser SEN and Educational Inclusion at North East Area Professional Centre via her secretary Jean O?Sullivan 01293 435607 11.30-5.30 Monday - Friday.