Explaining ASD to other parents. Help please????

[jealiebaby]

Hi,

I am quite new hear but some of you helped me out last week when I was having trouble with my AS DS at school. He is 4.5 and just started mainstream school. He had bitten two of the children and understandably this has caused concern with the other parent of the chilren in his class. My self and the school have worked together to put things in place to ensure it doesn't happen again and he is responding well. Some of the other parents are aware that he is AS and are great about it and about his unusual behaviour in the playground etc but most of them are not. He has a full time TA in the classroom so I am sure they are aware that something is "different".
Anyway.... I was wondering if it would be a good idea to write a letter to the other parents whose children are in DS's class explaing that he is AS and what that means. including what the school and I are doing to make sure that his SN does not have a negative effect on the rest of the class.
Has anyone done this, or know someone who has? Or do you think it will cause more problems than it solves? And if it is a good idea what should I say? I am rubbish at this type of thing. I think that the parents have a right to know that they have an AS child in their childrens class and also think it would be great for them to understand about it and understand him. Apart from speading awareness they may have questions coming home from their own children. The school have a confidentioality thing with regards sharing information but have said that if I would like to inform parents in this way i am more than welcome.
Sorry if I rabbited on abit.
Thanks x

Bumping for you.

What a great idea...I think this would really encourage awareness and openness. I wonder though would it be more personal if you could invite parents to attend an inset training re autism and how it affects children and then you could have a 10-15 minute slot to speak specifically about your own child. You would obviously need the school to get behind you for this.

I would urge caution on this in case it comes back to bite you on the bum later. My DS who is now 9 with AS would be absolutely mortified if he thought people knew (or thought they knew) all about his diagnosis, he wants to be the same as the others not different. I personally think it's a bit of overkill and you don't want him singling out right from the word go. whilst I can see you are being supportive of him and the school I think there are plenty of children is all schools/classes with various special needs and having information on all of them and assurances that the school is doing all they can is superfluous and unnecessary. If any one parent is having issues with it you could speak to them personally but IMO I think that this is just a bit much.

Thanks for that! I hadn't thought of it from that angle. At the moment he has no idea if people know anything or not. Infact he doesn't know he is any different himself. But I had not thought about how it would effect him in the future. Things seem to have died down a bit today anyway so I will hold off for now and see what happens. thanks for the advice.

I would hold off .
tell people what you want as it occurs on a personal level . It is way easier. You will find some are nice and you can talk privately in detail to them. Others (sadly) will be gossipy knobs - tell them nothing .

You don't need everyone else to understand. Just at the moment you feel you do.

It's such a difficult decision, isn't it. I thought long and hard about it when my DS started school and decided there really were only 2 options - to go to great lenghts to keep his autism secret, or to be completely open and honest about it. I couldn't see how telling some people but not others would work - people will always gossip. Also, in my experience, other parents will notice when a child behaves "differently", has an LSA with them, etc. and they will start wondering about them, observing them, talking about them. Telling them exactly what type of SEN the child has tends to put a stop to all that.

So I decided to throw a big birthday party when DS was in reception and wrote on the invitations that he has high-functioning autism and likes to know exactly what's going to happen, so would they please RSVP. All but one came, saw how lovely my DS is, and have been very nice to us ever since.

My only worry is now that DS could hear about his autism from someone other than me. I was going to delay talking about this to him until he started asking questions himself, but now I'm wondering if I should really wait that long...

I was in a very similar position when my DS was in yr1, quite a few negative experiences with him biting and scratching other children, we had a few letters of complaint from other parents. I did actually write to two parents to explain to them, although they did not contact me to discuss further, not sure if they were embarrassed or just too cross to want to comment.
The school did some work with the whole class about differences and the did some work without my DS in the class, so that the other children could say about some of the things he did that upset them, I think this helped the children to understand some of the things that were difficult for him and some of the things that were triggers that made him lash out.
I did consider writing to all of the parents, but now (he is in yr4) I am glad that I didn't. He has changed so much and I think the overall perception of him amongst his classmates has really changed. At the time I think it was all too emotional.
Some parents are really judgemental and although you would hope that by informing them that they may have a bit more understanding, that is not always the case. Some parents are just not interested and see SN kids as a problem.
I would also worry about him hearing about his condition from another parent as we have not discussed it with him yet.
It is up to the school to ensure that he has the right care in place so that he can have positive experience in school not negative ones, thats what really matters, make sure all of the staff know of his difficulties and that they do all they can to assist him. It is also up to the school to resolve issues with other parents.
I found that having a few good friends who knew and understood really helped and as time has gone by he is no longer a 'problem' child in the class and I no longer feel that I have to apologise for him all the time.

I thought about the letter too, but in the end I think the idea of just telling a few mums the basics about autism, and how hard you work to overcome his difficulties is the best way. Also, try telling the mum who is the biggest gossip - always much quicker than a letter!

My son(AS) bit another child on the arm and the other child kicked him back. His parent came screaming up to me in the playground accusing my "little animal" of scarring her darling boy.
I explained VERY loudly but calmly that my son has ASD and her child had grabbed him and invaded his space which had scared him and caused him to react. What reason did she have for her "little animal" kicking mine?
Several mums laughed as she flounced away and we have had no problems since with parents.
I'd suggest you 'drip-feed' information about your son's autism on a need-to-know basis; or wait until he has an exhibition melt-down in the playground!!

Thanks everyone. I have told a couple of parents about him but not many and they are just the ones who I am freinds with.
A few days ago I was explaining one of his AS traits to one of these parents (she had asked to know more about it) and the parent of the child he bit was just behind me. I spoke a bit louder and hope she heard. Either way things have calmed down a bit last week so i hope the drip feeding will work.

Thanks x