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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

3 year old ds just been put onto SN register...and refered...

9 replies

panicpants · 15/01/2009 10:02

..by nursery school. He is 3.4 and is finding it very hard to cope with other children, hits out, and can't cope with any changes. Things have to be just so with him.

I suppose I'm looking for some support really as I'm quite upset about it although I had a feeling it was coming.

I don't really know how I feel about it other than he does need some intervention but I just don't want him labelled. We must be such bad parents

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/01/2009 10:15

No you are not bad parents at all - please do not think this. Bad parenting has not caused these problems to arise. Do you think he could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum?. The fear of the unknown is frightening but if you know what the problem is then that will help you and your son.

Why fear or be afraid of a label (although I can well understand that) - you should actually see a "label" as a signpost to him getting more help if it is required. He will still be your son and you will still love him regardless.

You are your son's best and only advocate. No-one else is better placed than you to fight his corner for him.

Would suggest as well you put your post also on the Special Needs forum of this website; they are very nice and could also help you. Also that forum receives far more traffic than this one generally does.

pagwatch · 15/01/2009 10:19

why are you a bad parent for having a child with special needs. What a strange thing to say!
It implies that you could change your childs behaviour when the realisty is that if he has SN then there is little you could do.

My son was very aggressive and violent - completely the opposite of his older brother and yet they were parented exactly the same. But DS2 has severe ASD and it took professional support and advice for me ( and his teacher) to figure out how to help him.

Once I got the advice we stopped his violence almost imediately and he is the sweetest, gentlest boy you could imagine now.

You need to see this as a step to giving you and your child some help and stop seeing it as a label

bubblagirl · 15/01/2009 10:30

i will say NEVER feel you are a bad person my ds has sn and has help within pre school etc and i do not feel like a bad parent and its not my ds fault either

before my ds was dx with ASD he wasn't allowed extra help within pre school was making no progress as they cannot single one child for extra help if supposedly nt

the labeling is not a bad thing at all im proud of my ds as since being labelled he has come along leaps can now play with help from others has calmed down a lot can communicate better and is a general pleasure to them now wouldn't have happened without it

sn is not a label on us for being bad parents or on a child for being a problem its to say our children have sn and need more help and assistance and can only be a good thing

Clarissimo · 15/01/2009 10:42

If they thought you were abd paents, they'd have called in SS not referred him. Seriously.

Mya ctual first instinct is congrats becuase getting help at 3 is a massive plus and your child will benefit from it.

I have an extremely violent, messed up autistic 9 year old. But I also have a generous loving NT 8 year old, a kind gentle autistic 5 year old and a funnt happy baby. Life thros these curve balls but its not our fault.

Please do come over to the SN section if you need us, more people thre.

lou031205 · 15/01/2009 10:42

panicpants, what your preschool are saying is that they know you are a good mum, and they know your DS is not a naughty boy! See the positive.

I know it is hard, DD1 (3.1) was put on the SEN register in October (although I only realised it when I read your post just now - doh) and now has 1:1 in all of her sessions. It is such a relief that they know she isn't just a naughty little girl who runs away and can't sit still or concentrate.

It still hurts, loads, and will for years, I expect, but imagine what it would be like having to send him to school knowing that he wouldn't cope without some help?

Now, your DS has the best chance to grow and thrive, and you have the best chance of fighting his corner. You are a great Mum, and you are going to make sure that your DS gets the help HE needs.

Original poster

panicpants · 15/01/2009 10:58

Thank you. I am also a teacher (I work part time in ks1/2..not in foundation stage and not in ds' school) and I really am finding it hard to come to terms ds behaviour...and do feel if I had been stricter or not as strict, then maybe he wouldn't be so agressive.

I am also coming to dread the whole playground culture as already other parents are beginning to avoid us/look down on us.

How do I get onto the SN forum? I thought this was it?? (very stupid emoticon)

OP posts:

pagwatch · 15/01/2009 11:07

Go into the main discussions menu and Special Needs is under Being A Parent

Clarissimo · 15/01/2009 11:17

There is a tick box on the registration pages that allows yo to see the sn pages- it may be that's not ticked on yours? It was designed tos top people accidentally clicking on SN threads saying 'My ds aged 7 cant fit in his buggy' and putting make him walk not realising it was SN IYSWIM.

Original poster

panicpants · 15/01/2009 11:22

Ok I will try that..I'm off now to pick ds up, so will have ago tonihgt.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

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