Does my child have autism? (Sorry, long)

[MillyR]

When my ds was in reception, his teacher decided he had autism. He wouldn't make eye contact with her, didn't infer emotions correctly when reading, didn't like talking to her and didn't like big group situations with no clear rules. She decided to make some interventions, such as holding his face when she was speaking to him so that he would have to look her.

I maintained that ds did not have autism and that he was behaving that way as a result of shyness, summer birthday and bullying (the school had major bullying problems). This carried on all through year one, and the school insisted that in year two they would get him a statement because he needed one to one support all day in school. He was getting hit and kicked by another child, and was badly bruised, and this was witnessed by other children and adults, but the school kept denying it.

I moved my ds to another school at the start of year two. He has never had any extra support and is in year six and predicted two fives and a four in his SATS and this school has never mentioned autism. I am worried about him starting secondary school because I wonder if he really does have autism. Because my father and brother are emotionally reserved, shy, work in engineering, don't get complex social interactions etc, I am used to that character type and don't think anything of it, so don't find my son in any way difficult. Am I worrying for no reason?

haven't got much time but I can't see any reason why she has come to the conclusion that you DS has autism. The reasons she stated could be down to any number of things.

Also, if she actually knew anything about autism she would know that you NEVER hold an autistic childs face so that they have to look at you, it can cause them a huge amount of stress.

If you are really worried I would seek proper specialist advice, starting with a visit to your GP who can point you in the right direction

If he had autism you'd know by now. Autism tends to be obvious. Aspergers can be a greyer area.
A teacher canot diagnose anythingon the spectrum although they may guess but to me your lad sounds fine, it sounds like the school was the problem.

I am sorry you have this worry. I don't know much about autism as I just fix PCs for a living in a special school. The school has quite a lot of children with moderate to severe autism and I have never ever seen a teacher hold a child's face.

We were in a similar situation when my son was two years and eight months and a playgroup leader was convinced he was autisic. Like you I disagreed with the childcare professional, (I won't say teacher). I was being bullied in that the pre school leader wanted my son to be assessed for autism by a pschyologist. I put my foot down and insisted he was seen by a community paediatian. It turned out my son was not autisic, he had hearing problems.

If it aint broke, don't fix it. Unless your son does need classroom support or something, what on eartg use is a label? As you say, someone can display Aspergers-like traits without it being anything other than life's rich tapestry.

Tbh, bandying about the A word pisses me off, as the parent of a child who genuinely is severely disabled by it and will never cr4oss the street unaided or live on her own. Or maybe even talk or get out of naooies. So I can't help but think the woman was talking out of her arse, frankly.

You sound like you love your son just as he is, which is quite right, and I would see no reason to get him "diagnosed" and imply to him you think there is something wrong with him. Others may disagree, but that's my tuppence worth! All the best x

Sorry for typos - hope you got my drift!

Sorry, when I wrote autism, I meant somewhere on the spectrum.

I suppose I just worry too much because I had to argue against the school for so long. Also, because I work in a university and meet students who are on the spectrum (with a diagnosis), and I tend not to notice them as different. This makes me worry that I am not seeing what other people see, but maybe it is just because the ASD students have developed very good coping strategies.

There is an arguement that mild autism like aspergers is just a variant of normal human existance.

aspies for freedom

However the children at the school I work at are severely disabled by autism. In many cases their parents knew there was something severely wrong long before the child started school.

If he's fine with himself, you are fine with him, he's doing well at school and has enough friendships to satisfy him, then it doesn't remotely matter if he is on the spectrum.
His last school sounds like a nightmare. Totally agree with whoever said that if the teacher did know anything about autism, she would know you NEVER hold a child's face to force eye contact. It's totally inappropriate for any child, so we can conclude she knows nothing at all about autism spectrum disorders and is a rubbish teacher to boot!
Your son sounds great.

at the teacher holding the child's face. And really she is nobody to 'decide' that he has autism.
If she suspected it should be referred properly.

If he's adjusted well in school and is happy and doing well then he's fine.

Doesn't have to be the 'heart and soul of the party' type to be normal.

Unless she was also moonlighting as a medical professional the teacher had no authority whatsoever to decide that your ds had autism. I would also be furious if anyone did the face-holding thing with my 2 boys who have autism.

If your ds is managing well at school and you only have concerns because of the Reception teacher then I would forget about it.

If you have concerns of your own you could make an appointment to speak to your ds' class teacher and ask for their opinion. They obviously won't be able to say if they think he has autism but they will be able to give you a fuller picture, either "We have no concerns whatsoever" or "We've noticed that ds finds doing X difficult so we've been using these strategies and they are really effective."

Hmm, teacher- unprofessional- no-clue

seriosuly, if she was really concerned she should have referred you to a Psych or paed: scaring you then leaving it was out of order IMO.

Im rpesume she means AS; now i'm not of the lifes rich tapestry idea (I ahve 2 boys with ASD, the AS one os far, far ahrder to care for than ds3 despite levels of functioning) but a child who needs help will be identifiable even if the cause isn't immediately

It's certainly true that some of us with an ASD do think that it's a difference rather than a disability. I'm not one of them, though. My inability to cope with changes in routine without panic, the fear I have to live with every day, the problems I have in telling who's safe and who isn't...these things have left me with health problems, with no way to access things that others take for granted, with depression at times, with no way to lead a fully independent life. I can't even find my own son in a crowd. It's left me dealing time after time with endless bullying from people, with people having defrauded me out of money, with sexual assault because I didn't realise the body language was wrong and they weren't a friend. Friendships are a nightmare to get right, relationships are likewise, don't even ask what happens if you ask a faith group for help to go to their services. Only 15% of us ever manage full time work. Most live in poverty.

The list is very long.

Worse still, they're now noting that the strain of living without support in a world that is so often frightening for us can cause brain damage to the amydgala part of the brain, too.

With Asperger syndrome, we can seem very 'capable' compared to classic autism and we get a lot of parents of profoundly autistic children being concerned that it's counted as a disability... People sometimes call it 'mild'. It's certainly hidden. For most, it isn't mild to live with. With so many with an ASD misusing drugs and alcohol to survive, and ending up depressed and wanting to end it all because there's often no support for us anywhere, it's often arguably life-threatening. It's not worse than classic autism, no. But in terms of quality of life, the struggle for us is absolutely profoundly exhausting SO much of the time. Not least because society so often excludes us for being socially different and also denies us help because we surely don't need any as we look so capable.

I went through school with no help because I was well behaved and found ways to cope, somehow. I'd describe it as a living hell. It just looked ok to other people. I've pushed myself to the limit since then, trying to get help for all people with autism whether classic, ASD or otherwise. The right help for each person.

It's worth getting a professional opinion if there are concerns about a child, and getting help and support in place early on, I'd say.

If you have real concerns that he may be somewhere on the autistic spectrum ask your GP for a referral to a Community Paediatrician or Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist (who it is depends where you live). I am a Community Paed and see lots of parents who have had these kinds of conversations with teachers, preschools, ladies on the bus etc. We are not out to label anyone but it can be helpful to discuss concerns with someone with experience and can let you decide if there is or isn't a problem.
My family experience is a brother who almost certainly has mild Aspergers, a nephew and a niece with similar traits and a son who is probably PDD NOS. They are all OK!