Aspergers temper control advice and help in playground at school

[alison222]

Ds (age8) has Asperger's. He finds the whole playground experience very difficult. Partly the sensory overload, and partly understanding the ever changing games his friends play.
There have been several incidents lately where he has been hurt as a result of playfighting, and retaliated against the person who hurt him too violently having lost his temper.

He knows that he shouldn't have done it. However as prevention is better than cure I am trying to think of strategies he can use to avoid hurting others.

So far i am thinking:

1. If he feels he is loosing his temper the school allow him to go inside to a quiet place to calm down ( I would suggest welfare as being supervised but quiet)

2 sometimes allowing him to take a book to the playground ifhe is having not too good a day so he can be by himself

1. closer supervision by the person on duty in the playground or some attention to engage him if he needs it.

do these sound practical, possible and reasonable?
Has anyone any other ideas or can you tell me what you have used with your child?

thanks

i think that all of those sound absolutely reasonable.

These are all reasonable ideas. However....

Does DS have any support in school at all? Does he have a statement? Any TA time? Have school asked you for ideas - the reason I ask is that we have had similar problems with DS who also has AS and school have always asked for our ideas without actually doing anything themselves which is actually their legal responsibility.

The things you suggest are all great coping strategies but may be difficult for him to manage himself from a 'standing start' ie without any support from school - things like social stories, cricle time activities etc.help to reinforce these ideas and need to be worked on regularly and consistently by school. This should also be backed up by targets on an IEP - these are typical social issues experienced by AS children and should be addressed by school in this way as they are part of his needs and they should be helping him manage them.

He will need endless reminding of his strategies so that they become part of his personal 'bank' of coping strategies and could take loads of time to embed - so don't be disheartened if they work initially then things go wrong, his AS means he may take longer to be able to use them consistently, and he will need the constant reminders both in and out of school to ensure he can respond appropriately.

HTH

my DS also 8 has AS and uses a 'time out' card in school and it has really helped with problems in the playground

at the start of the year his new teacher gives him a new card and explains what her rules are for using it

as the rules are explained so clearly at the start of the school year, he has become confident about using it and it has made a huge difference to his self confidence/self control

if you think its an idea the school would support you with, I can post again with more info about how the school introduced it to him

good luck with everything - it can be very tough sometimes

He has an IEP but is not statemented.
the school are providing TA time in class, and 2 lunchtimes a week, one which is a small group teaching social skills. the remainder of the time he does not get additional help in the playground which IMO is where it is needed most due to the lack of structure.
I had to push to get what we have so far and continue to do so.
However I wan't them to try to be proactive rather than reactive hence this post.

I have to say the situation is much more complex than at face value as one of the children who has a problem with him (who incidently is also a friend of his), had a brother who was killed over the summer by a person with Aspergers. Apparently he knows this but DS doesn't yet know his DX and does not understand at all.
I'm not sure if school know this as i only was toldrecently and am currently trying to arrange a meeting with the school to discuss the issues.

Hornswoggle the time out card sounds very interesting and I wuod love to hear more about it please.

have you looked into social stories [carol gray iirc] or otherwise providing him with a small personal stereo or similar so that he can structure the time for himself?

thought i'd link it for you

I found the time out card very good as he doesn't have to try to explain his feelings at the time - which I found just seemed to multiply the 1st problem into more as he was trying to explain to people who didnt understand his DX and the communication problems involved

so he has his card in his pocket and the teacher has told him he can go on the computer if he needs a break, he doesn't have to talk about anything at the time and he can either talk to me at chat time or whenever he feels ready to talk to teacher

I think knowing he could do this took a lot of the stress off him and he copes very very well now

it seems to nip things in the bud, so a small issue doesn't escalate into more serious issues

chat time is a time I have with him every evening to talk about his best/worst bits of his day and if need be I talk to the teacher the next day

it seems to have taught him that he can go and calm down down without making anything worse but he still gets his say

the 1st year he had it he used it at least twice a day, this year so far he has only used it once

he has needed social skills groups as well, and I use social stories as giggle suggested

no advice about the other boy and what happened to his brother, very sad but I suppose you have to concentrate on giving your DS the skills to cope in different situations

not easy for you good luck

alison222

When I read your initial post my first thought was, "is your son statemented?".

I then read that he is not sadly. To my mind no statement = no support of any real value. IEPs are not always worth the paper they are written on. At the very least they should be reviewed each term.

I would seriously now consider applying for a Statement from your LEA asap. You don't need schools permission to do it and you're better off personally applying. The three reasonable measures that you suggest in your initial post won't be implemented easily or even at all without your son having a Statement (the school will likely say there is no money). Statements are not just for additional educational needs; they are also for social issues as well. Even with a Statement, support at lunchtime is very hard to come by - you will need to fight long and hard for this.

Re your other comment:-

"I have to say the situation is much more complex than at face value as one of the children who has a problem with him (who incidently is also a friend of his), had a brother who was killed over the summer by a person with Aspergers"

Do you know that this is infact the case?.
Even if this boy's brother was murdered by someone with AS it still does not give this particular boy any excuse or justification for bullying your son. More communication and understanding all round are needed and school need to be far more proactive.

IPSEA are very good at the whole minefield that is statementing and there are model letters you can use:-
www.ipsea.org.uk

Again I would urge you to apply for a Statement - a Statement as well is legally binding and the school will have to follow it. You are your son's best - and only - advocate. Also in a few year's time he will be going to secondary. Far better to apply for it now than at that time.

Attila if I have understood it correctly what used to be the first level of statementing was handed to the schools as their responsibility with the funding several years ago, and what remains is the higher levels requring a large number of additional hours of care. Is this the case?

If so I don't think the hours of additional help DS requires would add up to this. I did speak to the school about statemnting when we first got the DX and they said that his needs were not severe enough to need statementing. How do i assess this as I feel that overall he is doing really well at the school apart from the lack of support at playtimes. In class things are going OK with the TA time he has there.

"Attila if I have understood it correctly what used to be the first level of statementing was handed to the schools as their responsibility with the funding several years ago, and what remains is the higher levels requring a large number of additional hours of care. Is this the case?"

Hi Alison

Minimum hours of statement is either 5 or 7.5 per week. Devolving of powers/funding to the schools has now started in some LEAs but this action does not in itself protect the needs of the children who still require statements. The right to apply for a Statement is still there and you can still apply for such a document. Basically the LEAs said to the schools, "you sort it out". This approach does not work as has been clearly noted by IPSEA's ever increasing caseload.

re your comment:-

"If so I don't think the hours of additional help DS requires would add up to this. I did speak to the school about statemnting when we first got the DX and they said that his needs were not severe enough to need statementing. How do i assess this as I feel that overall he is doing really well at the school apart from the lack of support at playtimes. In class things are going OK with the TA time he has there".

Bloody school!!. Some schools always say, "needs are not severe enough" - its just designed to put people off applying. I knew they had said something like that to you even before I read it because I did wonder why you had not applied before now. You were fobbed off and misled. Apart from anything else the school does not make a decision re a need for a Statement - the LEA in question does.
As your son continues to go through the school system he will likely continue to require additional support and especially in secondary school. If you are still looking to receive lunchtime support the only way you'll possibly get it is via a Statement. They won't entertain it otherwise.

I was always told he wouldn't get extra help 'if he wasn't a danger to himself and others'

so frustrating

That's rubbish hornswoggle, I'm afraid.

oh I know its rubbish

and the school soon found ways to help him

I think being fobbed off at every corner by the school, dept of education, is very frustrating

I had to really fight for support for DS. I got it in the end and it has worked, so fingers crossed

hoping the OP got some answers today

Thanks for all your replies.

still haven't managed to have a proper meeting with the class teacher but have spoken breifly to her and they have agreed that wehn he needs to calm down he is allowed to go into welfare. He has been told and i have discussed it with him. the nurse has been told to "ignore him" if he comes in in a really bad temper as talking will not help him to calm himself down. Lets see how that goes.
i have a meeting on the 9th Dec to review his IEP. lets see how that goes. Meanwhile I will be marshalling my defenses. Like everyine else I have fought to get the help DS has but it does seem to be continuing now its in place. However Attila I take your point about secondary school and help in the playground.

Any other temper controlling advice gratefully welcomed.

Best of luck tomorrow Alison

Keep calm, listen and then tell them how it REALLY needs to be done

You sound like you are doing great things for your DS anyway

Good vibes going your way for tomorrow!