Secondary School - Comments by other children

[chocaholic73]

Couldnt decide whether this should go here or in bullying. DD2 started secondary school in September. She has dyspraxia, tourettes and is on the autistic spectrum. To look at her she is "different", awkward, ungainly, speaks slightly oddly, poorly co-ordinated and has always struggled with the social side of things. School has quite a good reputation re special needs and seems to be supporting her quite well in class. However, the children in her form are making all sorts of horrid comments about her .."you're a weirdo", "freak" and "no one likes you" to name but a few. I have spoken to her form tutor who talks about having a bonding session with the girls, and helping her form some bonds with some of the girls but in all honesty what can I expect from this. DD has always had self esteem problems and is very reluctant to go to school, is getting headaches and tummy aches etc. She is also being particularly difficult at home because I suspect she is holding everything in during the day. She has made one friend in another class who we have had round ..but it is important imo that she shouldnt come to depend too much on just one person. Any ideas or thoughts would be greatly appreciated ..I feel so sad for her.

No bright ideas but you must feel absolutely awful for her. If I was her tutor I'd maybe speak to a few of the nicer kids and encourage them to help your dd to be more included (maybe ask a couple plus your to "help" me with a job at lunchtime so they could chat more??), and I'd also be doing some work with the whole group about bullying/name calling etc and let them know in no uncertain terms that the school has a zero tolerance policy on behaviour like that and parents would be contacted if there was a repeat. Does the SN dept run any lunchtime clubs that help children to socialise? I know that can be a very helpful approach.
In my experience the grief children get at school is usually to do with everything else but lessons!

Yes I think you're spot on there swedish. Form tutor apparently spoke to the girls today. DD was sent on an errand but she thought something might have been said as some of the girls who usually ignore her, talked to her when she got back.

God this is awful.
Hopefully it has been stopped, but I would be straight in if one more thing is said.
Your poor dd
How seriously a school takes this type of thing will determine how well it gets sorted.

Hi

I wanted to offer some support - i have a dd who is now in yr 8 - she has adhd and dyslexia and does not 'fit in'. We went through something like this last year when she started secondary school. I spoke to special needs staff and head of year - the year group as a whole got a pep talk on the kind of school they want, and how everyone gets treated - with the worst girls getting eyeballed. I have to say they were worried that to do any more might make things worse.

On the plus side - it is still early days for your dd (although i understand it is heartbreaking and my tears welled up as i read your post). I hope you r dd will find (like mine) that as the year goes on and children get to know your daughter they will become more accepting, see the real person and give her more of a chance. my dd now has 3 or 4 girls to really call friends - this time last year she was very lonely and really had no-one - she would spend break and lunch time helping the librarians.

I realise this doesn,t offer you the practical suggestions you need - but i hope it gives you hope that things will get better.

another thought - try to check with your dd if there are any particular lessons /times when things happen that intervention from you could change, for example my dd's maths taeacher let them sit where they wanted and some of the delightful little girls had made a rota of who DIDNT have to sit next to my dd - which they consulted in front of her everyday.

when i told the school about this everyone was assigned a place and the choice taken away - the explanation given to the children was simply that they were too chatty.

Thank you for these posts. Things do seem to have been better since the pep talk (although DD has missed a fair bit of school through illness over the last couple of weeks so she hasnt actually been in that much). Certainly, when I spoke to her form teacher (who is also Head of PE) he was going straight to see the PE teacher before the class's PE lesson as one of the things the girls were doing was making comments about not wanting DD in their group. She was put with some different girls and that seemed to be OK. I will be monitoring things very closely.

Hope things turn a corner for her - it took most of the first two terms for my dd to find her small quite specific niche - but she is happy now she has found it and i really hope the same happens for you.

Sam is only 8 (9 in 10 days or so) and gets tis already.

Has she got a 'circle of friends' system in place?

Sam has an allocated group (suggested by him and teacher, all sensible, all with parents approval) who have been amde more knowledgaeable about Sam's asd, are identifiable if he needs support in the playground etc and know what measures he can take. then once a fortnight they all sit down and discuss waht isues he is having from allperpectives so he get feedback (very poor social understanding) and they can find out how he is feeling. I would imagine with your daughter it owuld be played slightly differently so that they are to support her if she encounters any mistreatment.

Works very well and have been pleased that it is being extended into 2009.

Oh yes- the NAS also has quite a bit of info on bullying at school, worth a call IMO.