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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

I am sooo annoyed at parents of SN young man ....

14 replies

salsmum · 03/10/2008 16:38

Sori for long thread but feel I'm being taken the p out of. what do you think?
My daughter has C.P. aged 19 and her boyfriend
has M D and is 20 [he can only move his eyes].
We have been to her bf house a couple of times and the last 2 times he's come to us [the last time for lunch] his parents are divorced and his dad drops him off and collects him. Last time he came for sunday roast and took about 45 mins for me to assist him with eating it [I have no probs with this]almost 5 mins after he took his last mouthful his dad came and hurried him home [my daughter wanted a chat with him..etc so was quite dissapointed] My daughters home for a couple of days from college and arranged to have a meet/meal with her BF [obviously we would go with her for meal]. She gets an email from BF today to say 'I can meet you for meal on sunday please ring wen you get there and my stepdad will drop me off. My mum and Dad won't stay because my mum is tired so could your Mum/DP help me with eating?. He's an only child so no sibs to look after. I feel like I've been put on the spot I really thought 1 of his 4 parents/step parents could have at least come along to help. I feel that I can't pay for all our meals and not his. BUT I won't cancel because it's not his fault. I'm beginning to feel like a glorified carer for their son when I would consider it rude to drop my DD off at their house and just leave. Am I feeling like they're takin the p because of PMT or would anyone else feel the same??????

OP posts:

jollyoldstnickschick · 03/10/2008 16:42

cripes salsmum they are taking advantage of you- you must stop it or else its going to wear you out.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/10/2008 16:42

Yes, they are taking the piss.

Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 16:42

Hmmm..difficult. Under normal circumstances parents would not be welcome on a 'date' would they so perhaps they think they should give him some 'privacy' or at least time without them...
You didn't say that they expected you to pay for him..could your daughter not reply giving him an idea of the menu and costs so they know they are meant to pay

perhaps his parents don't get alot of free time?

Original poster

salsmum · 03/10/2008 16:54

Dropdeadfred....Well I thought his parents may not get much free time thats why I'm surprised when they seem quick to want him home when he's here I'm quite happy to have him visit for 3hours plus and I know my daughter would LOL. I understand what you say about parents=out [normal date] But the fact is that they both need help when eating and drinking.I think also the Dad has him most w/ends so mum/stepdad do get some free time.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 16:55

perhaps they need him home quickly because after eating he may need attention (eg toilet-wise)?

Original poster

salsmum · 03/10/2008 19:05

Dropdeadfred I thought this could be the case too but BF tells my daughter that Dad wants to drop him back home quickly so he can go to pub [apparently he does like a drink or three two.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 20:03

then that's sad...is he left alone then whilst his dad goes to the pub?

Original poster

salsmum · 03/10/2008 23:06

No I know his mum sometimes leaves him home alone but think thats only short periods. His Dad does'nt live with mum his mum lives with his stepdad.

OP posts:

saint2shoes · 03/10/2008 23:19

oh dear, your post has filled me with dread.
I think thay are taking advantage. someone should stay with him and "care" for him during meal times. my dd is only 13 so I haven't hit this yet. but I would expect someone to stay with a date. surely there can still be "alone" times for the young people.
sounds like thy just think "oh she can cope" and are leaving you to it. sorry but I think you need to have a quiet word with them

wannaBe · 03/10/2008 23:23

this is difficult.

I imagine that as a 20 year old he needs some space from his parents to be able to have a normal relationship with his gf. And maybe he doesn't want to be being fed by his parents in front of her. Or maybe this is how the parents perceive the situation. And it's quite possible that he has some additional needs that he doesn't want his gf to be exposed to - he is a 20 year old who just wants a relationship, and whether it's part of his everyday life or not I don't know many 20 year old that would want their bf/gf to be exposed to the less savery parts of their illness such as toileting. Again his parents may just be thinking like this on his behalf or he may have expressed this thought t them but asked them not to say anything.

Also his parents must need a break, and not necessarily just a break where carers come in and take over, but one where their ds gets to go out and do something "normal" iyswim?

MD is a horrible, horrible illness, and while maybe the parents are not thinking about their actions, I think it's important to remember that they are dealing with the reality that their ds is going to die in the not too distant future .

I think you could mention re payment, but I do think you need to cut them some slack re the rest.

wannaBe · 03/10/2008 23:27

2shoes, is it possible though that given op's dd has cp so op has experience with disability they feel more comfortable that she can cope with their ds' needs? Because they know she's had to do it all before for her dd so would not be daunted by the prospect in the same way as someone who has limited exposure to disability?

Dropdeadfred · 04/10/2008 20:29

did the OP invite him + carer though?

if it's not made plain then yes, perhaps they do think you are capable - perhaps they think you wouldn't ask if you were not able to cope?

Original poster

salsmum · 05/10/2008 01:32

Thanx for all your messages. I'm fine with situation now we'll go tomorrow and have great time I'm sure. I'ts been such a difficult past week for me: DD has had 3 hosp appointments, 15 year old dog has cancer with weeks to live and I think PMT kickin in so maybe I'm not my usual Happy-go-lucky self.He is a lovely lad and it's nice that DD and him do meet up regularly and of course, I would never want it any other way. I will of course give them their 'own private time' too once meal is over....just hope Harvester not too busy and I can get 2 power chairs in.

OP posts:

Original poster

salsmum · 05/10/2008 01:36

p.s. saint2shoes.....Did you get ur 'sainthood' on line if so can I have the link? x

OP posts:

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