Safeguarding concern for vulnerable Year 2 child with ASD and ADHD

[Sweetpeasweetpea]

My daughter is in Year 2 and has ASD ADHD . On Friday evening she disclosed something that has left me quite concerned.

Toilet during lesson, girl is from another class.
She told me that another girl at school asked her repeatedly to kiss her, saying “please do it” and to pretend they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Hannah said she felt she had to because otherwise the girl “wouldn’t be my friend”.

She also told me the girl pointed to her intimate area and asked my dd6 to touch her. Dd6 says she said no, but that the girl took her hand and moved it. These are my dd6 own words as she reported them to me.

I have emailed the safeguarding lead, SENCO and class teacher and requested an urgent meeting.

My concern isn’t only the incident itself. What worries me most is that dd6 seems vulnerable to doing things she doesn’t want to do because she is afraid of losing friendships. She often struggles socially and I worry about other children taking advantage of that.

Would you ask for a meeting in person ? if you hadn’t heard back quickly? Would you turn up at the school?
Would you focus the discussion on the safeguarding aspect, the friendship dynamics, or both?

There is also a wider issue. We joined the school in February and I was told there would be an Assess-Plan-Do-Review process and meetings regarding dd6 targets and support. Since starting, I haven’t had a meeting. The class teacher has mentioned that the SENCO would need to arrange things, but nothing has happened despite me asking.

Should I raise both issues in the same meeting, or keep the safeguarding concern separate from the SEN support concerns?

For context I am appealing section B and F. It's a separate issue but both connected to lack of support with social skills. The social communication provision is not enforceable.

Interested to hear what others would do.

I would definitely ask for a meeting with the SENCO. I’d type an agenda and if you can send it to the SENCO before the meeting. If you don’t get an email response quickly I’d ring the office and say this is urgent as it’s a safeguarding issue.
at the meeting I’d give them. Copy of the agenda so they know what you want to discuss. Then I’d follow up with an email afterwards saying what was discussed and what they’ve agreed to do going forward.
Have you got an IEP for her?

Your child's name is in the post. I've reported it so Mumsnet can fix it.

You definitely need a meeting. Ask for the DSL as this is a safeguarding matter involving harmful sexual behaviour. That should get things moving.

I would ask for an F2F meeting, then follow up with an email. If they don't reply in a timely manner to your email request for a meeting, I would call. I wouldn't just turn up.

Would you focus the discussion on the safeguarding aspect, the friendship dynamics, or both?

Cover both. You can’t separate them. DD’s social communication difficulties affects the safeguarding concerns. I wouldn’t also cover the SEN support options at the same meeting. Firstly, it may be the DSL who you meet with rather than the SNECO. Secondly, there is a risk the safeguarding issue will take a backseat.

No IEP

She has a EHCP, honestly it's vaguely written. I'm appealing!

I'm sorry that this happened. It's fantastic that your daughter recognized that it was wrong and told you about it.

I agree with PPs. I am a senco and DSL and would caution about what is a reasonable timeframe for a meeting. The safeguarding team' priorities should be:

1. Preventing another incident by putting supervision in place for the girl at all times
2. Reporting to social services, with an understanding that the girl may be being abused herself, and carrying out follow up actions agreed with social services
3. Investigating and understanding the incident
4. Supporting your daughter and communicating with you

This should all happen ASAP but in our school a meeting with you would probably be arranged for later in the week, rather than on Monday. This gives time to go have a meaningful meeting as well as to prioritize safeguarding from repeat or ongoing harm.

Hi thank you for responding, what support should I expect for my daughter.

That will depend on her exact needs, the impact of this incident and the ehcp, but a good SENCO/school would be putting in required provision without you needing to appeal B & F (though you should still appeal, to get the required provision in the plan).

I would be asking for meetings every half term initially. They don't have to say yes but it would make sense to agree.

Does she have any social skills support? They should have something as part of their universal offer anyway.

I would explain in the meeting that this has highlighted existing concerns about her social skills and communication between home and school.

a good SENCO/school would be putting in required provision without you needing to appeal B & F (though you should still appeal, to get the required provision in the plan).

To an extent, but OP’s DD requires SEP well beyond what the vast majority of primary schools are able to offer without the provision being detailed, specified and quantified in F.