Advice needed - how to support autistic 4 yo

[Stigo]

Hi all,
Looking for advice if anyone can help. We’re UK-based (South London).

My 4 yo son is likely autistic. He is currently at nursery (starting school in September); has an EHCP in place. He was sent for assessment at the community paediatrician but had such a mega meltdown that they couldn’t complete the assessment. His school will refer him to CAMHS when he turns five but the wait is 36 months.
I’m just looking for ways I can help him really.

He lives with me, his dad, and little brother (NT). He can speak to the extent of communicating his needs and sings a lot (A LOT) but is very much behind the level of a normal 4yo and can’t engage in any kind of social back-and-forth communication. We do see incremental improvements in his language which is positive at least. However, he spends a lot of time pacing, singing (loudly) / repeating the same phrases and screeching. He does this more at home and tends to mask more at nursery.

I find it really hard to deal with the constant loud noise and worry about the effect on his little brother. The stimming is getting worse as time goes on. My impression is that he tends to do it when he is bored / lacking direction at home but the problem is that, when I try to engage him in activities (even special interest ones), he simply won’t engage at all.

I find myself getting very distressed by the constant noise. I usually try to ignore it as I want him to feel as though home is his safe space and he can be himself but sometimes I find myself snapping and telling him to be quiet, which I feel quite ashamed about.

So, my questions are many. I would appreciate any advice on any of them…

1. how should we manage stimming at home. Should we try to make him be quieter or just let him be as loud as he needs to be?
2. does anyone have any tips on how to engage a child like this in play / activities so that we can redirect his energy to something more productive?
3. do you have any tips on how to help me and my younger child cope with the noise / make it more manageable? We live in a flat and they are both very clingy to me, so moving to separate rooms isn’t an option. They’ll both just follow me.
4. what kind of professionals would help me with this kind of thing (how to engage him / help him regulate himself). Is it an occupational therapist? Sorry, I’m totally clueless and Google just has too many variables…
5. perhaps more for UK people, particularly those in London (our borough is Croydon and we’re based in Crystal Palace). Can anyone recommend any services / groups that I can access that offer support and advice to parents or activities that are tailored to children with social communication differences / autism?

Again, any advice would be appreciated. I’m just feeling totally lost. I want to help but I don’t know where to start.

Thank you

Sounds tough.. but you have a lovely way of thinking of his needs 🥰

A sensory assessment with an OT would be helpful - they will give you a programme to meet his sensory needs which will in turn reduce the stimming.

for activities - leave them out rather than ask him to play. He may find it too much of a demand if you ask him. I found the simpler the better. Such as

• hot wheels cars in a pile and things he could use to may a ramp
• bricks or duplo on the floor with a couple of example models built.
• if he likes knocking towers you could build and he knocks over

have a look at the five minute mum instagram page- there’s some really simple low key activity ideas that take 5 mins set up. She posted a lot a few years ago when mine were little and it was a life savour! She also has a book - I’d recommend the first one.

As a way to manage in the short term- try wearing loops so you can feel more able to manage the sound side of things.

@Nelly44
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.
I think you’re absolutely right about leaving things out. It’s hard to resist the temptation to direct his play but I’m going to do my best!
I will definitely check out 5-minute mum, thank you for the recommendation!

What support is in the EHCP?

SALT and OT (including sensory OT) support will help. Did DS have SALT and OT assessments during the EHCNA? Is ongoing support in the EHCP?

What support are you hoping CAMHS will provide? Mental health support such as therapies can be in the EHCP too.

Have you spoken to the SENCO at the primary school DS will be attending? Are they providing an enhanced transition?

You might find the book the Out of Sync Child helpful. There is an Out of Sync Child has fun book too. This booklet and some of the Occuplaytional Therapist’s resources are also worth looking at.

Some of the ideas will be too advanced for DS at the moment, but you might like The Explosive Child book as well.

Do you have any sensory toys/equipment?

Won’t engage or can’t engage? It is far more likely to be the latter.
I second noise cancelling headphones/earphones.

Do DSs share a bedroom?

For local sessions/clubs, have a look at your local offer. Although, some DC with SEN find SEN sessions don’t suit their needs.

You could also look at your local short breaks offer.