Is DS burning out again or is he just a rude person?

[chillberry]

DS is 13 in Y8, AuDHD with PDA. Started at a lovely SS in September after 9 months out of school due to autistic burnout. He's been on a reduced timetable the whole year but still says the day is too long and he's too tired.

For the past couple of months, his attitude (which was never stellar) has really declined. He's rude to staff and hardly has a nice word for the other kids. The school is small (6 kids in a class, 12 in a year) and all the kids are ND, so everyone has their quirks but DS has no patience for any of it.

He has the potential to do well academically but gets turned off very easily if he doesn't immediately click with a teacher or the subject is hard.

He is not able to see anyone else's perspective and he's not able to think long-term (eg, he's pretty good at Maths but he hates it and can't understand that, for the job he says he wants to do when he grows up, he will need a decent GCSE to advance to the subjects he'd need at A-level).

School is very neuro-affirming and trauma-informed. They're patient but I can see the patience running out, and I feel so bad that DS is so rude. He has weekly 121 mentoring with an LSA and some Maths and reading interventions. The school is low-sensory. When he doesn't want to go to a lesson, an LSA will do the work with him in another space, sometimes even outside.

We've tried ADHD meds to help his focus but he hasn't responded well to stimulants or non-stimulants -- the slightest side effect and he refuses to try it again.

He says he feels like he's going to burnout again as he did in MS and I do think the signs are there. But I also worry that maybe, this ornery, negative, complaining kid is actually just the person my child is, which makes me very sad.

And I worry that it's only a matter of time before school gets completely fed up and we end up losing the placement. Not this school year, but if his attitude and behaviour don't improve, then maybe next year. And I can't see any way that he'd manage with online learning.

I've flagged to school that we think DS is at risk of burning out and asked if they can increase his mentoring or other support, or reduce his timetable further til the end of term. Haven't heard back yet. I'm not sure what else we can ask for. Any suggestions?

I think it sounds like the difficulties are linked to DS’s additional needs.

When you say reduced timetable, do you mean in school full time but not spending all the time in class? Or do you mean not in school full-time?

Some people find a low demand Wednesday helps. That could be in school but completely out of class or you could look at not attend on Wednesdays (maybe with other provision).

Is DS receiving any MH support? What about SALT and OT?

Yes, I think so too. I was just caught in a moment of despair when I posted last night.

He's not in school full-time. He goes in late a couple of mornings a week and comes home before last period, so he's managing around 75%.

No MH support, SALT or OT. The school has in-house SALT and OH, but they have not found any needs beyond what's covered in their "universal offer". DS doesn't like talking about his feelings, so hasn't engaged well with most interventions. He has 121 mentoring with an LSA once a week, which I think he likes but it only started a few weeks ago, so hard to tell how effective it is.

Rather than 75% across 5 days, do you think a planned down day at home on a Wednesday would help?

Would DS consider some MH support that focuses less on verbal communication?

I think DS needs some direct SALT and OT input beyond the school’s universal offer.

ATM we asjust his timetable around the lessons he is willing to go to. He has 2 days where he does 3 lessons and 3 days with 4 lessons. He'd find a full day with 5 lessons very tiring.

What sort of SALT and OT input do you think might be helpful?

I could ask the school about non-verbal therapies. He did have a few sessions of music therapy earlier this year but he didn't enjoy them because the therapist always asked how the music made him feel. He's very musical and just wanted to play the piano, not talk about his feelings.

because the therapist always asked how the music made him feel

music therapy doesn’t have to be like this!

It is difficult to comment on exactly what is required. I don’t know DS and haven’t seen the paperwork, but it is clear more is needed. For example, one area OT can help with is pacing. But not just direct provision, but also indirect, so working with other staff (including with people like the music therapist so they didn’t get it so widely wrong) and you to help DS.

Thanks @scoopofmintchocchipicecream . We were so excited when he was offered music therapy ... and then so disappointed by how it was delivered.

I've asked about other interventions (OT, non-verbal therapies). The Form Tutor replied saying that they could explore those options, but the core problem is that DS "just doesn't like any of his lessons".

From a trauma-informed, ND-attuned ISS. Makes me want to cry.

replied saying…the core problem is that DS "just doesn't like any of his lessons".

Sigh. Sometimes it feels like you are banging your head against a brick wall.

Yep. The school shouldn't need me to point out the signs of burnout in a child they know has crashed out of school before.