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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

How to raise the idea of an ASC assessment with my son 14

9 replies

Waitingandwondering · 27/05/2026 08:42

I have often thought DS14 could have ASC.
But due to being very clever, quiet and well behaved at school, no teacher has ever seen what I see.
He is thriving at school and thriving at home. No dysregulation.

However, I now can't see how the next few years see going to progress for him. He has people he hangs out with at school, but no social life. His school 'friends' don't include him in any plans (all girls).
He seems happy enough chilling at home with us, doesn't seem to seek out peer company.
Have finally found two club training nights for a sport he likes. Also volunteers once a week for his D of E.

I fear he will start college friendless and is missing out on social skills. He is very immature and still plays with soft toys at home. They all have a name and character. He spends hours creating stories and events for them such as the olympics! Will write pages of facts and figures for them. Has always loved number, facts, countries, flags. Lots of specialist knowledge. For years it was a dinosaur obsession. Is much better at conversation at home now, for years he would talk at us about his interests. Comes across as shy with people outside the home.

He is a wonderful happy boy. Independently bakes, can do simple chores, no drama at all.

No sign of puberty either which I am aware he is on the upper end of it starting so am bearing that in mind too.

Gives me eye contact but struggles to even with grandparents.
Limited diet but we have improved this and he eats a healthy diet, just plain. Still gags trying some new food.
Gets annoyed at us 'eating too loud' and dislikes smells of some of our foods.

Sensory needs were higher when he was younger.
Delayed pretend play, took a lot of modelling.
Shows me empathy but no one else.

Basically, how do I explain to him that I think he needs an assessment? He seems very unaware and happy the way he is! I am happy with him too of course, but he can't stay at home playing for many more years.

OP posts:
needtochangesmokealarm · 27/05/2026 08:50

You would be better off to pay for someone private if you can as the nhs it can take years. Even if your child was ASD nothing more can be done. It’s not like adhd where you could try medication etc. He seems to be functioning well and if no issues with school then that’s all good.

He will find his friends / tribe later and why can’t he spend more years playing at home? Better than all the trouble on the streets / parks etc

Waitingandwondering · 27/05/2026 08:56

needtochangesmokealarm · 27/05/2026 08:50

You would be better off to pay for someone private if you can as the nhs it can take years. Even if your child was ASD nothing more can be done. It’s not like adhd where you could try medication etc. He seems to be functioning well and if no issues with school then that’s all good.

He will find his friends / tribe later and why can’t he spend more years playing at home? Better than all the trouble on the streets / parks etc

I guess that is why I have delayed any assessment. He is happy so does he need it? He is likely to get good GCSEs and hopefully find a career that interests him. I know he doesn't need support now, but worry if I don't go for an assessment and he struggles later, I will regret it.

OP posts:
scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 27/05/2026 10:59

If there are genuinely no signs of puberty, I would start with a GP appointment about that before looking at ASD. You might find it helpful to look at the Tanner stages.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 27/05/2026 16:14

You might struggle to get a referral if it isn't impacting him. Part of the diagnostic criteria states that the symptoms must cause "significant impairment." I think that what you have described probably could be in that category, but it will need a good GP or SENCO (whoever refers in your area) to argue the case to get him even on a waiting list.

Sorry that this isn't an answer to your OP - I don't know that I have an answer to that. Does he ever tell you about his friends and what they do? Do you know anyone with autism? Is there a way that you might be able to bring the conversation round?

Waitingandwondering · 27/05/2026 17:38

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 27/05/2026 16:14

You might struggle to get a referral if it isn't impacting him. Part of the diagnostic criteria states that the symptoms must cause "significant impairment." I think that what you have described probably could be in that category, but it will need a good GP or SENCO (whoever refers in your area) to argue the case to get him even on a waiting list.

Sorry that this isn't an answer to your OP - I don't know that I have an answer to that. Does he ever tell you about his friends and what they do? Do you know anyone with autism? Is there a way that you might be able to bring the conversation round?

Another reason why I have kept putting him off. I know school won't think he needs it.
He doesn't know any peers with Autism actually, nor does he talk about his actual school friends. He seems blissfully unaware that others have a social life.

OP posts:
24Dogcuddler · 27/05/2026 23:53

He does sound lovely but would “ tick a lot of boxes” when looking at a diagnosis.
Often when teachers haven’t observed anything, a specialist teacher or EP coming in to observe would be able to see some differences and difficulties.

You are right to consider his future. If you do want to explore a diagnosis this questionnaire is a good starting point and might be a prop for a discussion with him.

https://novopsych.com/assessments/diagnosis/autism-spectrum-quotient-adolescent/

I agree with a PP you should seek medical advice re puberty.

Waitingandwondering · 28/05/2026 07:14

24Dogcuddler · 27/05/2026 23:53

He does sound lovely but would “ tick a lot of boxes” when looking at a diagnosis.
Often when teachers haven’t observed anything, a specialist teacher or EP coming in to observe would be able to see some differences and difficulties.

You are right to consider his future. If you do want to explore a diagnosis this questionnaire is a good starting point and might be a prop for a discussion with him.

https://novopsych.com/assessments/diagnosis/autism-spectrum-quotient-adolescent/

I agree with a PP you should seek medical advice re puberty.

Thank you, this is a great tool. He came out as pronounced in most areas, and overall consistant with Autism. This is not a surprise to me. Will definitely find a way to broach this with him.

OP posts:
24Dogcuddler · 28/05/2026 08:45

@Waitingandwondering
You are welcome. It’s a good starting point if you are seeking a referral too.

24Dogcuddler · 28/05/2026 08:48

Sorry realised I said that in the post. I meant for using with professionals for referral. The diagnostic pathway should be on your LA SEN offer.

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