Nine year old with potential ADHD... I'm feel like I'm going to have a break down!

[Eliza9441]

Not sure if I've posted this in the right area and I'm not sure what advice I'm even looking for.. but I genuinely can't cope and want to feel like I'm not alone (surely it's not just me?!).

My daughter is 9 years old, always been abit of a live wire but is drastically worse in the past year. She has just been referred for ADHD after I begged school to put the referral through.
Her behaviour is absolutely appalling, she ignores everything I say, will not follow instructions, shouts, screams, slams doors, cries for hours, and god forbid I say no to something she wants to do.
No exaggeration, her meltdowns last hours, bedtimes begin at 8pm and she's still awake at midnight after crying/shouting/whining for the entire time, because she's not tired. I feel like our household is falling apart, I cry all the time and I absolutely cannot meet her energy (no one can!).

Can anyone relate? Is this normal for ADHD? I'm also on an ADHD pathway but I absolutely have never acted like this. Her 13 year old brother is an absolute dream so I have no experience with this at all!

Apparently she's fine at school- just distracted and chatty...

Honestly, I am so knackered that I had to re-read your post to make sure I hadn't written it myself - down to the details. Mine gets very mean, saying horrible things, too.

No advice, but you're not alone. I am hoping this is just a phase that will pass with some maturity.

What support is the school providing?

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Some find low demand &/of non-violent resistance resources useful. It might also help you to read about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

If you would be interested in trying medication for sleep, you could ask for a referral to paeds/CAMHS (whoever deals with it in your area) or a sleep clinic.

My daughter was similar and melatonin helped. It doesn't help everyone but there does seem to be evidence that kids with ADHD make less of it. The melatonin was prescribed by the paediatrician at my daughter's ASD assessment. It is also available online.

I have a DC similar but also isn’t coping well at school. I know the feeling of total overwhelm and wondering how to help them and calm their nervous system when we too are struggling.
what I’m finding hardest right now is how our whole world revolves around him and yet he thinks/feels we don’t care about him. There is no malice in his behaviour but my goodness I’ve never known self centrered selfishness like it and lack of thinking of anyone but himself.j
just draining at times so solidarity here