I didn’t know if this post was best on Parenting or the Special Needs board.
7 year old DS has autism and dyspraxia. I also believe he has ADHD (so do school) however the paediatrician refused to diagnose because he was able to sit still in his chair and wasn’t fidgety during the appointments (these were her words).
His behaviour at school is generally good once we manage to get him there. We’ve had lots of school refusal lately. At home however he has become violent over the last few weeks. He used to hurt himself when he was dysregulated by hitting or scratching, but now he’s started hurting us instead. Tonight was the worst attack on me and DH (his dad) yet, both of us are bleeding from scratches. He hits us, headbutts us, kicks us, throw things, screams at the top of his lungs and tells us to shut up. He will tell us that we can’t control him and cannot tell him what to do. This behaviour earlier was simply because we asked him to come off his Nintendo Switch while we went out for a bit. He is Minecraft obsessed. He didn’t want to. We give him gradual warnings eg 5 mins left, 2 mins left. We’ve also tried visuals like sand timers. He simply doesn’t want to do anything he doesn’t want to do and sees red. This is just one example, these type of outbursts aren’t always about screen time, it could literally be about any type of request we make.
We then removed the Switch from him for the rest of the night and this worsened the behaviour, that’s when he started headbutting me in the chest. He was removed to his room by his dad, but DS is on the 91st centile and it’s not something I would be able to do if I was alone. He is often more violent to me than his dad. We’ve also tried going screen free and this sends him into absolute meltdown because he uses it to regulate himself after being at school.
He has a younger brother (3) and he will often hurt him too, which his does sneakily when we’re out of the room or our backs are turned.
He usually shows remorse later on after behaving like this. He will cuddle me, cry, and tells me he’s sorry. It breaks my heart. We talk to him about this behaviour but he says he just can’t control it and feels too angry not to hurt us.
I think part of it is that he is just in overload after being at school. School put him in nuture groups, Lego therapy, soft start, and applied for an EHCP but the local authority refused to issue one.
We try to make sure we praise his good behaviour, let him know he is loved, have lots of 1:1 time with him. But the violence towards us is getting worse. I don’t know what to do. His paediatrician who diagnosed him discharged us a while ago. Does anyone have any advice?